


Just!Monika

by NervousAliceCurious



Series: Opposite Loop [2]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel), Escape the Night (Web Series)
Genre: Acting, Acting Like A Ghost, Armor Piercing, Attacked, Avoiding The Guards, Blue fire - Freeform, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Call for help, Childish Antics, Cold, Crush Reveal, Deal With A Clown, Deletion Of Files, F/F, Foreboding Feelings, Just Monika, Missing Body, Negotiating Terms, Reluctancy, Rival Elimination, Scheming, Snapping, Technological Invasion, The Church Of Everlock, damage control, teaming up, the fourth wall, the rotunda, world jumping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2020-06-25 22:21:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 66
Words: 42,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19754926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousAliceCurious/pseuds/NervousAliceCurious
Summary: After making the mistake of putting DDLC into a Cursed Ship Generator, Mystic finds herself the apple of an admirer's eye. An admirer she doesn't want, but can't get rid of so easily-not when she exists in Real Life.





	1. Hello, Darling

**A few minutes Ag0**

-

_Mystic grimaced at the newest ship on her computer:_

__

**_Vampire!Killer Kerrie x Pervert!Calvin x Innocence!Mermaid!Rosanna x Monika_ **

__

__

_Of all the random…_

__

__

_At least it wasn’t herself, Alice, or Plant Boi._

__

_And at least it wasn’t the Cursed God(!!)_

__

__

_Highlighting the text with her Trackpad, the young Writer prepared to copy it over onto her Discord server._

__

__

_An error! message flashed._

__

__

_“What…?”_

__

__

_Tiny text in the corner of the screen read: Sorry98@I#DeAr( >NoT*4432This983257tImE1010101_

__

__

_**Vampire!Killer Kerrie** whooshed into the ether, shortly followed by **Pervert!Calvin**._

__

__

_“What the f*…?”_

__

__

_Innocence!Mermaid!Rosanna dissolved into the numbers soon after._

__

__

_“What the h* is this!?”_

__

__

_This had never happened before…_

__

__

**_Monika._ **

__

_Flickered._

__

__

_**Just!** Monika…_

__

__

_“…Oh no”._

__

__

**_Hello darling._ **

**__ **

**_It's me..._ **

-

**Now**

-

"W-wait, what!?"

Mystic hopped up from her chair as the italicized type scrolled across the page.

"No, hold on a second this can't be happening-"

_You were warned about this you know._

_Why are you surprised?_

"-!"

**_Monika's gonna hate you..._ **

The conversation floated back to her like a vengeful phantom from the grave.

"No way...she was _right!?_ "

_Mm-hm._

_I saw it all._

"You...you saw it".

_I did._

A drop of sweat ran down her cheek.

_Ever since you put me in the Generator._

Stomach lurching, she hurriedly closed the tab.

What was she supposed to do about this!?

**Alice.**

She had to contact her immediately-

She clicked on her Discord and was promptly hit with another error! message.

_Sorry dear._

_I can't let you do that._

_Here._

_Let me just get rid of it for you._

The entire app winked off of her desktop.

"You've gotta be kidding me...!!"

_It's fine!_

_You'll get used to me, I'm sure._

No,

No,

No, 

**No**.

This **couldn't** be happening again!!


	2. We Are *Not* Doing This Again!!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to call for back-up and time to clear the generator!

**_Monika's gonna hate you._ **

Why?

**_She's always in love with the player._ **

**_Or the one creating the ships._ **

**_Using the generator._**

F*. Anyone wanna write a fanfic about that?

**_How many people would she be in love with right now?_ **

I mean, you said she'd be in love with the one who made the generator....

**_And that's you?_ **

I mean, I added in most of the characters. I borrowed the script from someone and added and subtracted things.

_**Uh....uh-oh.** _

_**I mean, she may be able to mess up your computer, but she can't get out, right?**_

Unless she and the Cursed God are in kahoots. Though I think he'd be infuriated if he found out someone was trying to take me from him.

**_Maybe._ **

**_But would he really suspect that a girl was into you?_**

**_He's very good at underestimating._**

I mean, he saw me kissing those five at the "wedding." 

...

..

.

Mystic’s heart thumped in her chest.

How much could Monika shut down if she really tried?

As an experiment, she quickly brought up a screen for AO3.

_What are you doing?_ Her unwanted guest typed amusedly.

Ignoring her, she searched for ‘NervousAliceCurious’, in the bar-

Clicked on the header of ‘A Summons To The Dark’.

If I leave a comment, how fast will she get back to me?

...Wicked-fast, if their previous contact was to be believed.

Hey Alice? Can you reply as soon as you see this?

…She didn’t dare put anything more.

Clicking the ‘Comment’ button, there was nothing left to do now but wait.

And test-kick her out of the Generator.

Nonchalantly heading over to the Ships Device that had started it all, Mystic casually browsed through the line-up.

_Who is NervousAliceCurious?_

"A friend".

_A really **good** friend?_

"Not that kind of friend!"

She sighed.

"What are you, paranoid?"

_Just don't want anyone to take you away from me, that's all..._

"Fat chance of that happening...", she scoffed.

Monika, Monika, Monika...

_Fat chance?_

There was definitely a smile hidden within those words.

_How many girls **did** you kiss at that wedding?_

_And liked it?_

_Not to mention the poor Groom..._

"Okay, so I have an imagination!"

_An imagination that lets realities collide?_

"Yes.

Absolutely".

_An imagination that lets someone like me exist...?_

"What kind of answer are you fishing for anyway?"

Gotcha.

_I'm only pointing out that you have a lot more lovers than you'd care to admit._

A flush stained her cheeks despite herself.

"I think I'll have to take a rain-check on that".

And she highlighted Monika's name.

And deleted it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will it work? We shall soon see...


	3. Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it really Just Monika?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: May be Spoilers for the game itself!!

…

…Did that do anything?

Like get a certain fourth-wall breaking menace out of her hard drive!?

…

…

…

_…You must’ve really thought that would work._

F*!

“How are you not…gone?”

_I knew you would do that, so I moved._

…Well s*.

“Moved where?”

_It’s a secret!_

…You f*in tease.

_-Just kidding!_

XD

_It should be obvious where I am._

“You little b*”.

Infuriated, she hopped off of the Generator page.

Alice, please answer…!

_That’s not very nice, Mystic._

“Okay, and how do you know my name?”

**@LunaTheMystic**

“…”

G*d*d*t.

“I thought Sayori was supposed to be the Self-Aware one now”.

-Snuck a quick peek at her email notifications.

No replies.

_That’s only if you delete me in-game._

“Oh yeah?”

_Mm-hm._

“So that means Sayori and Yuri are very much dead right now”.

_Sorry to say, that is the Reality._

…

“And what about Natsuki?”

_...I actually have no idea._

-Which was NOT what she was expecting.

“What do you mean you don’t have any idea!?”

***Insert Shrugging Emoji***

_I got rid of her off-screen._

_Destroyed the character file._

_She never died like the others…_

_So I don’t know._

_Maybe she’s really gone._

_Or maybe she could be revived?_

"But you’d have to own the VN to do that".

_That is true._

_-_

Somewhere, someone's phone went off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two out of three.


	4. Alice's Keystone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan is created.

F* it.

“Sorry Monika, but I just **can’t** with you right now”.

_Hm-?_

***Shut***

Mystic drew in a looooong breath.

She’d done her part-

And if she came back later and still found nothing, well…

It was a good thing she’d never used the Cursed Ship Generator on her phone.

Jamming a thumb into the Power Button, she brought up the screen for AO3, and re-sent the comment.

Alice!

Come on, come on…

Her email pinged three seconds later.

**Hi Mystic!**

**What’s wrong?**

Yes!

Remember our conversation on Discord earlier today?

The one about Monika?

**Yeah.**

She’s on my computer right now.

And I can’t get rid of her.

A few minutes passed before the Writer received an answer.

**Did you delete her from the Generator?**

Yes.

But apparently, that wasn’t enough.

**What about an anti-virus program?**

**Would that do it?**

I don’t know.

I guess I could try it…

**You could also look for her character file.**

**Maybe the Finder would have it?**

**That’s how the MC did it in the game…**

Thanks, Alice.

I’ll try the file thing first, and then run the scanner if it doesn’t pan out.

**Okay!**

**Let me know how it goes!**

Stomach churning in anticipation, Mystic prepared to head upstairs.

Time to play the craziest role yet...

"I'm back".

She cringed slightly.

With the top of her laptop closed, it sounded like she was speaking to no one.

Splaying one hand atop the machine, the Writer braced herself.

***Flip!***

_Hello again..._

A green heart emoji popped up in the newest chat box.

"Hello again, Monika".

_Where'd you go so fast?_

"Had to go eat lunch".

_Ah._

_I've always wondered what real food tastes like..._

_We never did get to eat any of Natsuki's cupcakes._

"Well that's unfair".

_I know, right?_

_Sometimes I wonder why the Developers even bothered to give me a conscience to begin with._

"They must've had **some** reason!"

_Like what?_

A sad face emoji.

_I don't seem to have a purpose beyond an omniscient Tutorial._

"That's what it is, then!"

Being careful not to draw attention to the Trackpad, she slowly guided the mouse to the Finder box at the bottom-right.

"They wanted someone who could empathize with the Player".

_Mm..._

Monika didn't seem convinced.

_But you don't need to be Self-Aware for that._

_Do you?_

"Well, it's not like anyone's bothered to ever find out before".

***Click!***

_...That's a good point._

Heart pounding, she perused the many different rows of files.

"Maybe that's the way it is for all Tutorial characters".

_Wow._

_Can you imagine how diabolical that would be?_

"Yeah.

The few cruelly suffering for the many".

Where was it?

Where!?

...

Ah.

**There.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kerrie.


	5. Resistant Infection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika may be going down...

Double-clicking on the d*ning file, Mystic smoothly slid her mouse up to the ‘Options’ button-represented by a lone, silver gear.

_You know, I really hope that’s it._

_I’d hate for my existence to be just some stupid fluke._

“Me too”.

She floated down to the ‘Move to Trash’ bar.

Clicked.

-!

Monika’s text blitzed out on her screen.

_What was that!?_

“I dunno”, she lied.

“Maybe some kind of freak glitch?”

_Maybe…_

Quietly shifting to the bottom-right of her toolbar, the Writer double-clicked on her Trash.

_I hope it doesn’t happen again._

_It just reminds me of what happens whenever you power your computer down._

“What happens?”

_I’m surrounded by flashing lights, and bright colors-_

_It’s so vivid and static that I can’t think-_

_It hurts so much._

“Oh wow. Why is that?”

A list of the files contained within popped up on-screen.

_I don’t know…_ Monika typed wistfully.

_I wish it would stop._

Double-clicked on the newly-transferred character.

“It will soon, I’m sure”.

Soared back up to the gear symbol, and hit ‘Delete’.

Thanks…you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.

Then her view of Discord buzzed out.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

??

Mystic breathed a sigh of relief.

*

It’ll all be over now.

*

Monika’s eyesight warped, and split.

-!?

Her heart thudded heavily in her chest, speeding up faster and faster and faster-

Then dropping to only a couple of beats a minute, making her frantic movements sluggish and dull.

Crystalline lights ripped through her head, causing her to squeeze her eyes shut.

She felt as if her soul were ripping free from her body-then re-entering it at a breakneck pace!

Falling, falling…

_Do you hate me too?_

…

A hand snapped over hers.

“Hahahaha!!

I’ve gotcha kiddo!”

_Huh?_

There was a sharp jerk-

The slight weight of her shoe was suddenly gone from her foot.

Disappearing into the empty space at a breakneck pace.

Stomach lurching with disoriented nausea, the once Club-Leader fought to make out her rescuer through the haze.

_Who...who is it?_

"Iiiiit's Kerrie, you little s*ts!!"

_Who?_

There had been a channel for Kerrie heads...

Was that where she was from-!

With an abruptly brutal yank, Monika's arm screamed with pain as it was nearly yanked right out of its socket!!

"Come on up!!!"

-!?

A sensation of being buoyed inexorably upward.

It was as if she were flying, yet not moving at all...

Fractals of green met deranged blue ones.

"Well top-of-the-bloody-morning-to-ya, Monni!!"

"Are you...that walking Meme?"

She laughed, long and loud.

"The one, the only, and the Legend".

Harsh fingers bit into her arms.

Her feet settled peacefully onto a ground she could not see.

"How is it that you're sentient?"

"Cupcake, I've always been that way!!"

"But...how!?"

_I honestly thought that it was only just me._

_Before Mystic came along, anyway..._

"Blame it on Cinnarollseverywhere and LunaTheMystic.

They're the ones who put me on a pedestal to begin with!"

"...Okay..."

_But that still doesn't explain-_

"But why did you save me?

I was being deleted..."

"Why?"

Her grin tightened into a frown.

" _Why!?_

Because I don't intend to waste this opportunity to cause some real mayhem!!"

Red lips split to reveal white teeth.

"And I need you alive for that".

*  
  


Mystic sat back in her chair.

That goodness!

I'm safe.

Finally!!

She pulled up Alice's fic in her browser.

Scrolled to the comments.

Hey, it's me.

Monika's been deleted.

How are things are on your end?

*Her words reach an empty room.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But she's certainly not here alone.


	6. Planning Behind The Cameras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kerrie has the perfect way to get Monika her girl.

**Ten minutes earlier.**

*

“Real mayhem?”

Monika glanced warily at her clowny rescuer.

_I don’t want her to get hurt…_

“Like what?”

“Oh don’t get your hair bow in a bunch!”

Kerrie roughly dragged her in front of a floating screen; one of several that the AI could use to keep tabs on various events in the outside world.

“Look, you want Mystic to be your One-&-Only, and I want to give her a time she’ll never forget, yeah?”

“Yes…”

“Sooo…!”

She poked a wild finger at the kid inside it, peacefully drawing away.

Oblivious to the twosome privately plotting her downfall.

“How’s about I get rid of this lovely rival for you?”

Weighing her options, the Club President bit her lip.

“You think you can do it without letting anyone notice?”

“Ex-cah- _use_ me-

You doubt my power!?

Even after I saved your a-“

“Your subtlety track record isn’t so great, if I remember right”.

“…

…

…So?”

“ _So_ if you get caught, and her ‘disappearance’ leaks, not only will _she_ be sure to put the dots together, but...see that hulking shadow next to the window?”

“Mm-hm…”

“We’ll have that behemoth on our **_heads_** ”.

“Not to worry!!”

Kerrie flashed her a thumbs-up sign.

“I’ve got WAAAAYY more power than that giant treant could ever use!" 

_…I highly doubt that._

“He won’t go down easy”.

“I **know!!** ”

Her eyes sparkled with pure excitement.

“I can’t wait-“

“HOLD your horses there!!”

Legs windmilling like a stopped-up roadrunner’s, the Killer Clown snapped out of her attack-induced frenzy.

“Eh?”

“I said, ‘hold your horses’”.

“But I don’t have any”.

“Well you’re going to have to hold them anyway”.

She huffed.

“You can’t just go barreling into the House of the Enemy and wreak havoc”.

“Awww, why noooot!?”

“Because he’ll see or hear you coming, and protect that girl until the bitter end”.

“Why, is he in wuv?”

“I don’t know-“

“Oh sweetness..."

The sounds of a hand affectionately floofing Monika’s ponytail disrupted the floating ones and zeros congregating around them.

“I’ve got this”.

And she pulled free of the other woman’s grip.

*

**Five minutes earlier.**

*

Alice was busy scribbling on a piece of notebook paper when she heard the scratch.

_Scrr~_

Huh?

Her head popped up, eyes darting around anxiously for the source of the disturbance.

"Something wrong?"

Black clothes rippling in the breeze, the absurdly-tall Plant Man stepped away from his spot by the sill.

"...I thought I heard a mouse.

I think-"

"Where?"

"Um..."

The girl strained her ears to locate it.

_Scrr~_

"It sounds like-"

My computer-

Both of them jumped when a sharp-nailed fist punched through the silver cover!

"Hello dear~"

Envy thrust out his hand, and the cacophonous commotion of glass shattering accompanied the arrival of tendrils of leaves wrapping around the hole.

"Alice, get out of here!

I'll keep her busy-"

"Was that Kerrie!?"

"If it was, I'll put an end to her soon".

"Hey now!

I'm not gonna leave you here all on your own-"

"I _knew_ you'd say that-"

"It takes two to get rid of monsters!!"

Her fingers sparked with a blue energy, as she got ready to blow.

He sighed.

"...Alright".

But if something happens to you, I'll never be able to forgive myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carnage is about to explode.


	7. 2%

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Clown invades.

Summoning more vines through the broken window, Envy further strapped down the cover.

“Let’s see her punch through that!”

-Not even two seconds later:

_Rr-r-ii-ipp!!_

A grasping hand shoved out of the tangle of plants.

“Hellooo? Anyone here-“

Alice smacked a box down over the breach.

“OW! You little-“

_She better watch what she says._

-And set it on fire.

The smell of singed flesh.

From the way the machine was starting to vibrate, her magic had not gone unnoticed.

**CRUNCH-!!**

A plume of something blasted out of the top-Purple smoke and glittering confetti!?

“Morning, b*s!!”

Vines wrapped around her from head to toe and yanked her back down.

“You are a-“

He never heard the rest of her reply.

_Which is just as well._

Concentrating hard, Alice created a barrier of blue light, and formed it over the Mac.

“Think this’ll do it…”

“Her tenacity is ridiculous!”

“I know! She hasn’t changed at all-“

It flew up, and clocked her in the face!!

“ALICE!!!”

He hurried to catch her as she fell, arms outstretched.

“-?”

Gingerly, her fingers felt the bruises rapidly forming on her forehead and cheekbones.

“-Ouch…?”

“Are you alright!?”

“I’m good…”

“That’s going to take a while to heal up”, he said fretfully.

“Don’t worry, Envy.

I can still move my eyeballs”.

“But that must hurt-“

“Awww...”

Clapping.

“How cute”.

From under the sill.

“Lovebirds will be lovebirds when the adults are away, I see…”

**Kerrie.**

Smiling dangerously, none the worse for wear despite their efforts.

“Only made me use 2% of my power.

Amateurs…”

“What are you here for?”

The Plant Man bared his teeth.

“Ahahahahaha!!”

She laughed for so long, she was practically on the floor and slapping her thighs as well.

“What do you know?

The Boi is quite dumb, it would appear”.

“Cut the theatrics and just say it!”

“Bold words from someone who can’t even confess his love for poor, dear, sweet Alice!”

His eyes went wide.

_…She-!_

“What?”

The young Writer looked up in surprise.

Maybe even in shock.

“You-“

“Oh yes”.

She grinned evilly.

“He does.

And he never once let you in on the secret”.

Now did he?

“S-stop talking!”

_This is NOT how I wanted her to find out-_

“What’s the matter?” Kerrie needled.

“Upset that I got to your boo with the news first?”

“Don’t pick on him!”

“I’m not asking you am I?”

"That's still not okay".

"Yeah?

And how do you feel about this, huh?"

"I-"

"Do _you_ like him too?"

Despite himself, Envy was anxiously awaiting an answer.

"...I really love him".

"Well, too bad!!"

**SNAP!**

In horror, the Plant Man watched helplessly as his limbs trailed away into violet dust.

"No!"

Alice reached for him as he vanished.

"Aw. Looks like your boyfriend's gone".

The girl's hands trembled as they felt the last few sparkles disappear.

_Envy..._

-She shook her head and leaped into the mist!

...

Kerrie raised a blue eyebrow.

Well _that_ was something interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like this wasn't already out-of-control enough...


	8. Not The Only One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone's having clown trouble...

**Now**

*****

“Did you do it?”

“Mmm-hm!!”

The clown’s head bobbed up-and-down energetically.

“And you didn’t make a fuss?”

“Well there was a broken window, but that wasn’t my fault”.

“Huh”.

“Oh?”

Kerrie cocked an eyebrow.

“What’s that?”

“…I guess I was wrong about you”.

“Say-it-louder-for-the people-in the back!”

With each word, a punctuating clap.

“So! What are you going to do from this moment on?”

Her devilish sneer said that she knew darn well what the answer to that would be.

Monika sighed internally.

“Remain quiet for a while…and see if I can’t find another way to win her over”.

*

Huh.

She sat back in her chair.

Guess Alice isn’t in.

Maybe she had to go eat lunch herself?

In any case she’ll be back soon…

Clicking on the App Store, Discord was promptly re-downloaded in short order.

Now…let’s see what I’ve missed shall we?

The pinging that assaulted her desktop was almost deafening.

Whoa! Okay…

I guess someone’s been busy.

She didn’t even know the half of it.

*

They’re all gone!

All the Kerries are gone!!

“Eh?”

Mystic was a bit (okay, a lot) surprised to find Cinna panicking in the Killer Clown’s respective channels.

Look at the pins!!

No more Kerrie-heads!!!

Half-disbelieving, she did.

“-!

What the-!?”

Every single meme, from the very start to the defaced mermaid-were clear of the infamous lieutenant’s influence.

“Why the-!!?”

Why the heck!?

I don’t know!!

Did the tag glitch out or something?

I don’t know that either-

She suddenly jumped!

Hahahaha-hahahahaha-!!

Was it just her!?

Or was she hearing a clown’s cackling from someplace?

“This is getting really weird…”

Cinna, do you hear any laughing on your end.

No. Why?

Because I do-

There was a loud rattling from outside.

A shadow flashed briefly in the mid-afternoon haze.

What the h* was that!?

Cinna…

Yeah?

You find any strange shadows?

No…

Are you alright over there, Mystic?

I…think I might be in trouble.

In trouble!!?

A red nose dropped onto her desk.

Really big trouble.

What do you mean!!?

I just have this feelin

“Hello, dearie~”

*

The world spun...a violet void clouding his vision.

He felt his breath hitch in terror!

_Where-_

_What's happening to me!?_

It was as if he were trapped back in that God-awful place once more!!

_No-_

_That was months ago!_

And then it cleared.

Spitting him out roughly onto a flat stretch of land.

Side screaming with pain, he blinked the dirt out of his eyes and shoved himself up onto one elbow.

"Alice!?"

Envy didn't see her anywhere.

"Where are you!!?"

_Where am I!!?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did this get so out of hand. This got SO big so fast...


	9. Before The Afterlife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grand entrance.

It was dark as night, sharp rocks looming in the shadows all around him.

He couldn’t see an inch in front of his face.

Fear crept through his veins and threatened to paralyze his breath!

“A-Alice…”

Scrambling to his feet in a panic, the Plant Man tried in vain to keep his head.

_She…she must have gotten away._

_From that clown._

_She must have!_

_That has to be why she isn’t here…_

Dizzying relief filled him.

_I hate this place._

_**So** much._

_But if she’s not here, then I don’t mind-_

I don’t mind being trapped in this nightmare for who knows how long.

-A thud from nearby.

“Envy!?”

No.

“Alice!?”

She couldn’t be here.

She _couldn’t_ be-

“Alice!!”

“I’m coming-“

Running footsteps.

A pair of arms flung themselves around his waist.

“I found you…”

He was not prepared for the shock of peace that ran through him at her touch.

“You-You’re here”.

Quickly replaced with sudden horror!

“You’re here- _why!?_

Alice…”

“I couldn’t just let you disappear!”

“But-“

“We’ll find a way out.

I know we will”.

“Yes-“

…

“Envy?”

She looked up at him, those blue eyes shining in the darkness like twin spotlights.

"You alright?"

"I'm fine.

It's just-"

How to say it without her getting the wrong idea?

"I just wish you didn't have to be stuck here, too".

Her smile faded.

"Yeah..."

The hug grew tighter, as if she were afraid to lose him.

His stomach flipped.

"U-um-"

Darn it all...

He could _feel_ that blush creeping through his cheeks.

"D-do you know where this is?"

"Hmm".

She squinted to see.

"Reminds me of that anime-"

A loud creaking caught the both of them off-guard.

"-What the!?"

"!!"

Turning, they were just in time to get a blinding beam of white to the face.

_What-_

A set of double-doors opened wide as they cringed away!

_Who-_

**Pain.**

He stared in disbelief at the spear impaled in his gut.

"ENVY!!"

Blue fire streaked from her hands, off in a destructive arc towards the glowering woman in crimson-red.

"Really my dear..."

With a well-practiced motion, the burst was swept into a tiny ball.

She crushed it into dust.

"Now is not the time".

The weapon ripped free from his skin, and his fingers closed around the metal on instinct.

Keeping the waiting flow of chlorophyll from spilling onto the ground.

"Who...are...you..."

"I am the Collector".

_Plants._

_Have to-_

" **Don't** fight it".

Tugging from deep inside.

His soul-

"N-o!"

He struggled to stay-

_Awake-_

"Stop!!"

The Collector surged backwards, hissing at the burns along her arms.

"Alice, you both are dead.

You will need to move on somehow, sooner or later".

"But you're hurting him-"

"I am doing what is necessary".

"No".

She grabbed onto the cold metal, hands carrying a pale-bluish tinge.

_"You just wa **nt to eat him!!!"**_

**BOOM**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An uncertain fate...but wait! We can't forget about the clown.


	10. Just Kerrie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an intruder on the loose!

Her fire wrapped around the spear, attracted like a moth to the sun.

That’s what did it.

All three of them were flung backward by the sheer brute force!

Alice’s head konked against a stone and

Mystic was sweating bullets.

If she was right about this…

“Hi…”

She turned…

“Kerrie”.

“Hello, Miss Popularity!

How’s it feel to be so wanted?”

Blood-red lips grinning from just above her, blue eyes piercing crazily into her own.

Blue-and-violet curls flopped into her view, the white ruffling under her chin.

Shivers ran down her spine.

“Not great!”

She shot up out of her chair and grasped around for something, anything to throw-

“Not when half of those people want to use you for nefarious purposes!!”

The infamous clown chuckled whilst shaking her head.

Calmly retrieving her red nose from where it had fallen and nonchalantly smushing it back onto her face.

“What? Not grateful that you finally get the chance to be special?”

…That hit her hard.

An unprecedentedly sharp jab to the chest.

“Wh-

N-

No-“

Leisurely sauntering up to the wounded girl, Kerrie picked a stray vine out of the pocket of her jumper.

“Then what’s the hesitation?”

Began to carefully thread it through her hair.

The Writer was all set to flinch away-

She couldn’t feel a thing.

Not one motion of the coarse leaves, nor sturdy stem as they were twisted into a beautiful, natural crown.

“How…how are you-!?”

“Why won’t you just accept that you could have everything you’ve ever wanted if you just let them show you?”

Creeped out, yet slightly intrigued at the same time.

That was the only real way to describe this feeling.

“What do you mean?”

The temptation-

“-Actually no, you know what?”

Her hands clasped tight over a long ruler.

"I don't need any of that! Not from _you_ ".

The clown snickered to herself.

"Sure, sure.

If you say so..."

Whipping the amateur weapon out in front, she mentally prepared to jab it-

"You're gonna kill me with _a piece of wood_?"

"How are you even in this world!?"

"It's all your fault for making such a big deal".

"What-"

"You really think I don't know about all the _love_ -ly meme channels you've made?

_Just_ for me?"

Her blood ran cold.

"Not you too..."

_ First it was Monika who had gained self-awareness. _

_ And I had a hard enough time getting **her** out of my mainframe! _

"Oh yes".

Kerrie's grin was positively **evil**.

"I'm here to stay, baby!"

-Mystic made her move.

"Ah, ah, ah..."

The shockwave that pulsed up her arms was _excruciating_.

"Ow-!?"

It was only _one hand_.

Gently gripping the end of the flat stick.

_ How-!? _

_ *Yawn...* _

The unholy noise was so soft it curled insidiously through her ears.

" _So_ boring..."

"Wh- _Boring!?_ "

"Yeah".

If it weren't for the fiendish glow in her seemingly-tired gaze, Mystic would've taken her for a purplish, Joker-inspired version of Kamakura Izuru.

"I expected you to just be whippin' out those world-benders like nobody's business!"

-She shoved her into the wall.

"Ooh-

Now _that_ is more like it!"

"Get out of my house!"

"Not until we spend some quality time together; Idol and Fan~<3"

"In your dreams!!"

" _You_ are my only dream..."

Mystic faltered.

"W-what...!?"

"You, and the cute, little bear, and that saucy water miss-"

"Don't you _dare_ go after my friends!!"

She jumped as Kerrie's pale, cold hand snatched her own.

"Then why don't you just hang out with me?

I'll be in town for quite a while by the look of things..."

"N-no way!"

She had to really _pull_ to yank her hand free.

"Then I'll go visit Cinna, and then Aqua.

**And I won't be responsible for what happens** ".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun times ahead with everyone's favorite lieutenant.


	11. Welcome Me To The New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unfortunate partnership is created.

“You’re going to threaten me.

To spend time with you”.

“That’s _ri-i-ight~_ I am”.

She smugly bounced on her tiptoes .

“You’ll do it, I know you will”.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you always, _always_ want to carry the burden yourself in those Possession tales of yours”.

“Yeah, but this is reality”.

I’m not even surprised she’s been looking at those.

“Doesn’t change a thing!

I know you’d rather having to suffer yourself instead of condemning your poor, clueless friends in your place”.

The worst part is that what she just said about me-

It’s correct.

“…You think you’ve got me all figured out.

Don’t you?”

“I ought to.

The Cursed God _did_ tell me all about you after all.

Or have you already forgotten those beautiful recordings you put up?”

“I don’t even know where they came from!”

Mystic took a _deeeeep_ breath.

“You said I could ‘bend worlds’.

How do you know that I won’t just send you off to some empty dimension?

And leave you there?”

“Because darling…”

Kerrie’s eyes sparked with something dark and dangerous.

“Nowhere can hold me anymore.

Not after you raised me up high enough to hold such power.

You, and Cinna, and Aqua…among others, of course”.

“So it’d be impossible to get rid of you then”.

“Pretty much, dear”.

I’m getting really tired of those pet names.

“Fine.

Fine!”

She threw up her hands in frustrated surrender.

“You can have your ‘hangout time’”.

“Finally!”

Overjoyed, she bundled the girl up into an unexpected hug.

“Hey!

  
_Don’t touch!!”_

Shaking slightly, Mystic shouldered herself free of the embrace.

“Don’t ever try to do that again”.

“Whatever you say~”

Hopping around excitedly like a kid at Christmas, the murderous Killer Clown began to speak a mile a minute:

“Ooh, this is going to be soooo much fun!

We could go see Chucky in the movie theater!

We could go scare the pants off of unsuspecting pedestrians on the way!!

We could eat nachos with cheese sauce and lots of red peppers afterwards so that it looks like we’re devouring the guts of our enemies-“

…Oh f*.

The Writer swallowed down a sudden burst of fear.

This is a thing now.

This is a thing that I have agreed to.

How in the universe is this gonna go wrong!?

*

It hurt to move.

Alice’s eyelids fluttered as she winced in pain.

Where…

Where am I?

Cold metal cut into her wrists.

What...?

Slowly feeling the harsh ground underneath.

The bony branches poking into her ribs-

"Mm..."

Rolling onto her back, she saw the tall ceiling of what would be...

The rotunda?

Stomach roiling in disorientation, she hurriedly sat up.

They weren't branches at all.

White, shiny remains scattered all over!

A still-rotting corpse lying half-mangled over the central well.

The Collector-

_Envy._

With her spear embedded inside him.

That jolted her awake faster than the strange sights ahead.

I have to know!

Is he here?

Is he okay!?

As question after question rocked through her mind, the girl struggled to get up!

Looking wildly from left-to-right, she was searching, searching frantically-

The catch reeling her arms backward was **brutal**.

"Ow!?"

Shackles.

A leash of chain hooked into an iron ring on the floor.

"H-huh?"

Alarmed, she attempted to flame off the restraints.

Nothing happened.

"No..."

The tinge of green threaded throughout told her everything she needed to know.

I...my power's...been blocked?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right. We're in trouble.


	12. Where The Lost Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice tries to break out. Envy tries to break reality.

The Rotunda is where troublemakers go.

She remembered it from the show-

Season Four, Episode One.

The Guests had found Mortimer there.

Maybe he hadn’t said it in those exact words, but…

He didn’t get any chains when he was here.

A new innovation?

She guessed so…

Throbbing, persistent and painful kept her from puzzling out more details.

I have to get out!

Find Envy-

But the box with the combination lock was gone.

Nudging aside some of the bones yielded nothing as well.

No more symbols painted on the ground.

I wonder if…

Kneeling, the captive Dreamwalker felt around for a piece of calcium that could hopefully serve as a makeshift lock pick.

Never mind the fact that this is my first time doing it.

Eyes roving from one potential piece to the other, Alice’s fingers trembled with nerves.

Can’t waste any more seconds.

She selected a thin rod about the length of her forearm-probably a tibia or something.

She didn’t know…

She hadn’t been that interested in anatomy in school.

Placing the tip against the tiny keyhole, she began to twist it one way, then the next.

Please… _please_ let this work-!

Envy struggled to open his eyes.

Something…something was holding his body down…

A warm, yet fuzzy sensation spreading from the top of his head to the ends of his toes.

Wake…

Wake up-

The faintest twinges of alarm.

Wake up.

_Wake up!_

Voices.

Murmurs too low for him to fully hear.

C’mon, _c’mon-!_

He couldn’t force past the waves of slumber-couldn’t even twitch a finger.

Let me out…

Sleep.

The urge to drift off into sleep.

No…

Would he be able to reach this level of consciousness again?

Even if it was this minimal.

I can’t…I might-

Wait.

My brothers and I are Dreamwalkers.

Although afraid, he let himself fall.

*

He shuddered awake, the drawn faces of the Collector and a woman with snakes for hair swimming into view.

"How long until readiness for exhibition?"

"Soon".

Her hand smoothed the bangs out of his eye.

"The poor girl thought I was going to _eat_ him".

"Yes, she did".

"It is too bad and too late now for us to correct her".

"He's a bit tall for an elf.

Where will you put him?"

"With the Knights, of course..."

"Of course".

She smiled, needle-like teeth glistening in the dim light.

"However, if I am remembering correctly the Cursed God wanted him too".

"He wants everyone he meets".

"Not for himself-

Not like it was for that 'Mystic' girl".

"Yes, I know".

A dismissive wave.

"We're not giving him anything or anyone".

"Do you think he will come here to take them?"

"Take _him._

The Chosen One is not of Purgatory quite yet".

"...My question still stands".

"I do not believe so...

He has no idea what we have been doing here".

"Let us hope it stays that way".

Interesting...

The Plant Man sat up.

Undetected by those leaning over him.

So they're against the Cursed God.

Standing up from the open glass case, he made a mental note of everything he had just heard.

Good to know.

Soul Travel was a bit unpredictable, but at this point, it was the only option he had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Escape is half-closer.


	13. Breaking Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to leave this place.

It was a bit disturbing to look back and see his own self resting there.

Seemingly slumbering in a translucent coffin…

The Collector was currently tugging at his collar.

Long nails peeling it down.

Her gorgon-esque friend sealed over a card at the base with clear liquid.

Feeling the hairs raise at the nape of his neck, he quickly turned away.

Spooked.

That reminds me too much of something else.

A different time and place.

One he never, ever wanted to think about ever again.

Now.

Where is Alice?

Sneaking out of the work room, he was able to slip right by the brigade of men in ancient Egyptian attire.

“…”

In this state, it would be child’s play to find her.

Raising his hand, he concentrated.

Every happy memory he had ever experienced with her…

From the moment they had first met to those few seconds prior.

Surviving countless trials and tears.

Pale-green light bloomed in his heart with a rush of pure love.

Not-not exactly what he’d been going for, but.

The pale-blue light emanating from a barred structure halfway across the courtyard was good enough for him.

That has to be her.

Racing to the locked doorway, he peered in through the gaps-

“Alice!”

“Envy?”

There was a clattering as she jumped to her feet, the bones(!?) at her feet scattering in a mixed-up jumble.

“Are you there?”

“By the door-“

Her head swiveled expectantly, a sparkle of relief in her eyes.

“Envy-“

She gasped.

Stopped short.

“Alice?”

Worry laced his voice.

“What happened?”

In a blink, he had summoned up a sturdy shoot from the earth.

“Are you alright!?”

“No, I’m-“

That was all he heard.

The plant snaked its way through the lock and twined itself to the metal barrier’s angles and edges.

Snapped his arm to his chest-

CRUNCH

He saw her visibly jump as the door was single-handedly ripped from its hinges.

Setting it carefully against the wall, he wasted no time.

Striding to Alice, identifying the problem instantly:

“They chained you up!?”

“Yeah”.

Chlorophyl boiled in his veins.

“How **_dare_** they!”

Vines blasted from the ground in his anger, upsetting the metal ring from its place and releasing the bound girl from her tether.

“-!!”

Interlinking with the iron sections and breaking them apart with ease.

Even her shackles.

Smiling in delight, she rushed to hug him and for one terrifying instant he was almost sure that her arms might phase through.

A stupid fear really, but-

He needn’t have worried.

“Thank you Envy!”

For a moment, the breath was squeezed right out of his lungs.

He didn’t care in the slightest.

"I know you would've done the same for me".

"How did you get away from the Collector?"

"O-oh...I..."

Now the tricky part.

"I...sort-of left my body behind for a bit".

"You did what!?"

Alice gaped at him.

"I wouldn't have done it if there was another way".

"What do you mean?"

The memory of being frozen in warmth rolled over him.

Chills raced down his spine.

"I couldn't wake up.

I couldn't see anything-"

He furiously shoved it aside!

"I couldn't even move.

But although I am technically incorporeal, I can still interact with the world".

"So it's like when no one else could see you but me".

"Yes".

He sighed.

"Except this time, I'm more of a...a spirit".

"I... _think_ I get it?"

She tilted her head, in the process of figuring out what this meant for them and their escape.

Despite the dire circumstances, he could feel another blush coming on.

_...someone who can’t even confess his love for poor, dear, sweet Alice!_

His heart crushed.

"Okay.

So-"

They had left the rotunda, and were now crouched behind a large stand of bushes.

Keeping a careful eye out for the silent guards.

"You know how to get back to your body?"

"Yes".

"Then let's go find it--

I want to see if my Dream Magic can do anything about that stasis".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a 50/50 shot.


	14. Lost Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to track down Envy's body!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been awhile. But here's the next chapter!

Marching footsteps.

They were coming-

The Pharaoh and his guards.

Keeping herself hunched until they passed, the girl felt her heartbeat thump with every second that ticked by.

They couldn’t see Envy…

But if she messed this up, neither of them would have a chance!

No, don’t think like that!

You are going to do this, save him, and then get out.

*

He led the way to a side-door of the Main Building.

“I think it was through here”.

“Are they still in there?”

“I don’t know…”

The Plant Man peered worriedly through the glass.

“It didn’t take me long to get you out of that cage”.

“Well then, I’ll just have to be super-careful!”

“Please don’t get turned to stone…”

“I’ll do my best not to”.

“-And Alice?”

“Yeah?”

She smiled up at him, wondering what it was he had in mind.

“After we escape from here…there’s something I need to tell you”.

“Okay”.

She tapped her noggin with one finger.

“I won’t forget!”

“Thank you…”

Some of the tension eased from his features.

“No problem!”

*

She opened the door, wincing slightly at the loud sound it made.

Did anyone hear that!?

She hoped not!

I can’t be turned into a statue.

I can’t have my soul stolen!

I have to stay alive or Envy is **_doomed_**.

Sneaking down the hallway, her nerves were on high alert.

Zeroing in on even the faintest of noises…

What was that-

No, no, it’s fine.

The Plant Man too, appeared to be on edge.

“It’s quiet”.

She nodded.

“I don’t like this”.

She nodded again.

I don’t like it either.

The atmosphere was eerily reminding her of a horror movie.

Please don’t carry any blind ghosts with spikes through their eyes…Please!

*

Goosebumps rippling over her skin, the girl followed her friend to a room with a wooden door.

“Is this it?”

“Yes. I’m certain”.

He held up a hand when she went to try the handle.

“Wait. Let me phase through it first.

And if I see them, I’ll tell you”.

“Okay.

Sounds good”.

*

She watched him disappear, jitters settling into her stomach with every passing second.

Rubbing her arms, she was suddenly aware of how cold it was here.

I don’t know everything that lurks in Purgatory.

Will we really be okay-

She shivered

Spun to see over her shoulder-

Who’s there!?

But there was no one.

And yet…

She couldn't quite shake the feeling that she was in trouble.

It’s empty.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank God!

He was about to slip back through the door, when he saw something.

Something horrifying.

*

“It’s gone”.

“What is-“

“My body”.

The color drained from her cheeks.

“…Where is it!?”

“The Knights exhibit.

Probably-“

He started down the hallway again, trying not to let the panic crawl up his throat.

“That’s what I overheard them saying while I was trapped”.

“Do you know where it is?”

“No-“

His heart constricted in his chest.

“No, no I don’t-“

He felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist.

“Hey…hey!”

Her warmth calmed the fear, but only slightly.

“We’ll find it”.

“But how do you-“

“We will”.

She looked up at him, and he felt his cheeks light up neon.

“-!”

He swallowed, and averted eye contact.

“…Envy?”

“…”

“Envy, what’s wrong?

-Well, besides the obvious”, she quickly amended.

“I…”

What on earth do I say!?

“I don’t know what to do from here”.

“Is there a way to locate yourself?

Some form of magical GPS?”

“Maybe…but-“

“But what?”

“I don’t know if it will work unless my soul is reunited with my body”.

“Can you try?”

“Yeah”.

He attempted to focus.

Last he’d seen himself…

He’d been-

The Collector had been changing his clothes...right?

S-so creepy...

He shuddered.

Where are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will it work? You'll just have to see.


	15. Loosen Up, Why Don't You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1 with Kerrie begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Move-In Day is tomorrow, woooooooo

He searched for a connection, a sign, _anything_ to tell him where his own body was!

…But he got nothing.

“I’m not getting a read-“

He opened his eyes, the pupils dilated with fear.

“Well-Well that’s okay!”

Alice was adamant.

“Maybe she has a set of blueprints, or a map or something that could tell us where to go”.

“In her work shop?”

“It couldn’t hurt to look”.

“…Alright”.

Envy turned to her, his voice trembling slightly as he spoke.

“Let’s go raid the place…I guess…”

*

Mystic could barely believe it.

The most evil clown in existence…

Was currently jumping on her bed.

“Wheeee~!!” she cheered.

“This is so much fun-!”

With every creak of the beleaguered springs, she cringed.

If Kerrie managed to somehow break it, how in the world was she supposed to explain what had happened?

‘Sorry, mom and dad, I just let a character from a web series on YouTube hop around the mattress until the frame collapsed’?

No way!

“Kerrie…Kerrie why are you doing that!?”

“What’s the matter?” she jeered.

“Never had a little fun before?”

“I’ve had fun-“ the Writer protested.

“Have you?

Really!?”

-Before she knew what was going on, harsh, painted hands had roughly gripped hers.

Pulling her swiftly up onto the quivering surface-

“Wh-hey!!”

“Relax…”

The feeling of waves rolling beneath her feet was beginning to make her queasy.

“Trust me!

You’ll have a good time~”

“Yeah right”, she mumbled.

Yanked her hands away.

But Kerrie…wouldn’t give up.

What is she, part gummy grappler!?

Those fingers were sticking to her like _glue!_

“I don’t want to jump on the bed, least of all with you!!”

“-But then you wouldn’t be fulfilling your end of the agreement, now would you?”

“…You wanted to hang out.

Letting you share my room is hanging out”.

“But that’s so boringgg!-!-!” she whined.

The author gave her a look.

“I mean it- _really_ mean it!”

“Oh I don’t doubt that…probably”.

“Then what’s the issue?”

“I don’t have an issue!

I just don’t want to jump!!”

“Horse feathers!”

She began to lightly bounce the both of them with the balls of her toes.

“Everyone is due for a little fun once in a while-“

“Nice try, but I’ve actually got a lot to do and prepare for”.

“Oh really?

Like what".

“School starts wicked-soon”.

“So?”

“So I have to pack up, move-in, make sure I’ve completed all my Summer homework-“

“You made up that last bit!” Kerrie accused.

“I’m not that transparent-!”

“Says who?”

Mystic tightened her lips.

“Look, you.

Just because we created all those Meme Channels for you doesn't mean I'm not gonna drop my guard".

The clown groaned.

"Ugh, so doomy and gloomy!!

Do you always do this to your friends?"

She stiffened.

"Ooh..."

Rocking the bed springs harder, she grinned fiendishly.

"You do..."

"Can you _not!?"_

She renewed her efforts to free herself.

"That is _none_ of your business-"

"I live here now".

A flash of white teeth.

"So technically, **it kind-of is** ".

The Writer had no intention of continuing this conversation.

"Whatever-I'm out of here".

"Not so fast!"

Kerrie leaned in until there was barely any space left between them.

"Don't you think you deserve to forget about those troubles for a while?"

"-Does 'personal bubble' mean anything to you!?"

"C'mon~", she cajoled.

"Forgetting might help a lot more than you're willing to admit".

Mystic sighed...

And then kicked her in the chest!

"-Oomph!!"

Only-

"!?"

_She_ was dragged down too!!

"KERRIE-!!??"

"Aaahhh..."

The clown breathed in, and then _coughed._

"That...was...a...nice...hit...!!"

She smiled wide, eyes squinching shut with pleasure.

"Cooool...you've got what it takes to be a stellar Killer Clown!!"

Stuck lying next to her, the author blanched.

No... _H*_ no!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do pupils do that when you're afraid? I have no idea.


	16. Kerrie In The Household, Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is your new room mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Language, phys. violence. Kink mention.

“So-so-what do we do first!?”

Kerrie’s grin was stretching her cheeks so wide, it was a miracle her face didn’t split in two.

Mystic groaned internally.

“Are you gonna be this energetic the entire f*ing time?”

“YES!”

“Why…”

“Because!!”

She hopped off the bed, still full of energy despite the intense jumping session.

“YOLO-“

“That meme is practically dead!”

“That makes it even better”.

“How!?”

“Because it’ll annoy everyone I meet~”

The writer rolled her eyes.

“Of course”.

Leave it to her to find some way to bug half the world’s population-

“So. What do we do first”.

Agh…

“Well, Ms. Energizer Bunny, I still have to pack”.

“….So?”

“So help me”.

“…..But that’s not fun”.

“It can be fun if we make it”.

“How do we make it fun?”

Her eye twitched.

“Gee, I don’t know. You’re the clown. Shouldn’t you know how to make it fun?”

“But I’m the Guest”.

“And?”

“You have to Host”.

“….And?”

“You have to do all the things”.

“…..”

Ugh. Seriously!?

Mystic huffed.

“You should help, once in a while”.

“Maybe in…oh, I don’t know. A while”.

Haha, very funny.

“Alright, wise clown. How many vines do you know?”

“Ooh~”

Her eyes lit up.

She could almost make out Kerrie-Stars-

“I’m so glad you asked-“

Oh boy….

She sighed.

This is gonna be torture.

Fun torture, but still torture.

-

‘He needs some milk-‘

‘I smell like beef~’

‘On all levels except physical: I am a wolf’.

‘Ruff~’

I…despise this…

‘Let’s get white-girl wasted!!’

I despise it very much.

“Come on, you aren’t gonna smile?”

“I refuse to smile”.

“Awww, don’t be that way~”

She poked at her cheek.

“Come onnnn~”

“Do you want to get hit?”

Mystic raised her suitcase-

“Ooh. Kinky”.

“No it’s not!”

“You forget who you’re talking to”.

“How in the h* could I!??”

Honestly.

-

“Okay…”

Shut the suitcase, all good now.

……Am I really going to have to smuggle this clown b* off to college?

“Heheheheh~”

…How am I supposed to do that!?

"Something wrong, darlin'?"

"Please, don't ever say that again".

"Something wrong, Mysty?"

"Or that".

"Well, what d'you want me to call you?"

"Just. Mystic".

"Alright then...Mystic".

She tilted her head, curiosity written all over her clown make-up.

"What's goin' on?"

"......Are you planning on stowing away to college with me?"

"H* YES".

"...........Yeah, that's not working out".

"Awww, why not?"

"Because I can't hide you anywhere. Very well".

"-You promised, though".

"I know! I know, but-"

"I can fit in your closet-"

"You can, huh".

"Yup!"

She proceeded to open the doors, and fold herself up into a tiny cube in the corner.

Mystic stared.

".....Kerrie?"

"Just chilling~"

"......"

Wow.

"You better be prepared to do it tomorrow".

"Oh Mystic, I _came_ prepared".

-

That night.

She _snored._

Like an elephant.

On helium.

After devouring a dozen out-of-tune car horns in one sitting.

Resisting the urge to throw every pillow at her within a half-mile radius, was the hardest, _hardest_ thing she had ever _not_ done in her life.

-

The next morning, she woke up.

"Kerrie...?"

**Boo.**

The flying fist hit its target _right_ on the crimson clown nose-

"HAHAHAHAHAHAA~~~!!!!!"

_"I hate you so much right now"._

"No you don't~"

She skipped away before she could be decked even more properly.

"....Why me".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Er...have fun.


	17. The Pink Phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations are made, and someone's cell is very haunted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Vomit mention. Possible gore?

As she’d said:

She could fit in her closet.

She could slither under the bed like a rubber snake-

And she could somehow.

Somehow!

Fit right in the frame of the window, and dangle over the side, free-handed-

With her toes.

Yes.

All, stinking ten of them.

While the last trip preparations were made, that was the reality that greeted her.

Yet despite these impossible feats of strength, movement, and unusual dexterity, she still couldn’t help but panic.

Yet she couldn’t let on that she was panicking-

Because if she did.

How.

In the world.

Would she be able to explain.

_Any_ of this.

Knowing her luck, Kerrie would also probably get arrested-

Or murder all the officers, whichever came first.

Like a jail cell could even hold her in anyway…

“So far so good, Mystic”, she whispered.

…

The young woman raised a doubtful eyebrow.

“Really!”

She didn’t believe it.

Something could always go wrong at the last minute.

Untangling herself from a pile of once-neatly folded laundry (was it even possible for elbows to bend that way!?), the clown came over to her side.

They had a moment of alone time before she was supposed to figure out how to get Kerrie into their car.

“We’ve done good so far-“

“Yeah, and I’m gonna lose my mind if this keeps up!!”

Assuming I haven’t lost it already…

“You only have to suffer for ten more minutes. You’ll be fine!”

“‘Fine’. Uh-huh. Sure”.

“Oh dear…”

Mystic jumped-

That d*ned would-be stowaway was rubbing her back!

“Hey!”

“Now, before you deck me-“

“What are you doing!?”

She twisted away.

“Trying to make you feel better”.

“Ask. First”.

“Alright”.

She shrugged.

“Mystic. May I rub your back to make you feel better?”

“No”.

“Okay then”.

Her Joker’s smile seemed less smiley, though…

She swallowed a sudden lump.

“…Look. Why don’t you work through the plan outdoors, while I just…”

Try not to break down.

Not now-

“Aye, aye, Captain!”

A pirate clown’s salute.

“I shall start thinking immediately!”

She sighed.

…Can I _really_ count on her?

-

“…Who is this?”

The phone beeped in their hands.

“….”

No number?

-A cacophony of sound.

They could almost hear what sounded like words.

…It petered out with a huff.

They stood there.

The phone-sparked.

An electrical surge up their hand-!?

Shaken from their grip, the tiny device hit the pavement, and popped open.

Pink lightning arced from it in streaks-

Huh-

It stopped.

“………”

….Was it safe to touch?

They took careful…,small…,steps….,

-More sparking.

Slipping off their hat, they tried to field it in-

Eyes nearly burned by another supernova.

Grimacing, slightly, the phone owner did their best to not inhale the smoke.

More staticky shreeing.

Or whatever that was supposed to be.

Text.

‘-EY. CAN YOU HEAR ME-‘

……………………………………………………..

-

Natsuki.

Was.

**_Livid._ **

She'd run.

Wouldn't _you!?_

Not that she was scared or anything, don't you dare get the wrong idea!!

She just.

Couldn't hold back from vomiting.

At the sight-

And then-

Everything glitched.

Out.

Lights, splitting apart her head, even worse than when _he_ came home and flicked all the switches on.

Her body _hurt._

Split-

All.

**Black.**

....At first, she was confused.

What the-

Then, when the darkness stretched on, and on, and on-

Okay... _cut the joke out already!!"_

Who would pull something like this!!?

"It's not funny!!!"

Feeling her blood boil, she thought she saw a tiny light in the distance.

"I'm gonna give you a piece of my mind!"

-But she didn't find anyone, living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovely friend ETNMystic wrote a fic inspired by this one:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/22570699/chapters/53936365
> 
> 'Not Oki Doki' : D <3


	18. An Hour Or So Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Natsuki's first attempt went down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adventures in phone land.
> 
> Cw: Vomit mention, vertigo. Being ignored.

Squinting her eyes shut at the obnoxious glow, Natsuki swallowed yet another urge to vomit.

What the hecking heck is this place!?

Pink and white flashes, in some weird trippy patterns, searing straight into her retinas, and messing with her sense of gravity.

Ugh…stop that!!

Her skull was going to split in two.

Ouch….!!!!!!

Gritting her teeth, the lost girl struggled to stay upright-

Okay okay quit it

She backed into something, and for a moment-

All was peaceful.

-

_R-i-i-i-n-n-g~!!_

-

They blinked.

Their phone hadn’t worked in days.

Not since it’d fallen beneath the tire of their bicycle-

They picked it up from the window sill, and stared:

No one on the line.

The little light went dark.

-

Haahhhh…Haahhhh…

Wiping sweaty hands onto her skirt, the displaced student struggled to get her thoughts in order.

This can’t be happening.

There’s no way!

I can’t really be…

What even was that psychedelic crap!!?

Ugh, talk about burning someone’s brain.

Whose bright idea was it to put that in?

And how did I even get here, what is this-!?

She looked from one way to another, but all she saw was a bunch of dimly-lit ones and zeroes.

-Flash of bluish supernova from behind-

-!!?

Silently berating the darn thing, she fell over backward, and thonked her tailbone on a protruding wire!

“OW…Ow…you piece of junk-!”

She winced, rubbing the affected area gingerly.

Glaring angrily at the screen, she felt her heart stop-

Who was that.

-

“Huh”.

They stuck the apparently-functioning device into their backpack, and slung it over their shoulder.

Missing the flash of a faint silhouette as it realized for the first time-

-

There was someone on the other end.

She didn’t know who, and she didn’t know why-

But someone was there!!

“Hey-HEY!!”

A flash of someone’s face.

“What’s going on here!!?”

-They either didn’t hear her, or they didn’t care.

“Excuse me-I CAN SEE YOUUU!!!!”

Still no response.

“COME ON!!!”

She scrambled up, fury bubbling through her veins-

"IF YOU-"

The screen went dead.

No more bluish light...

Her mouth fell open.

"Wh...?"

....As if she wasn't confused _enough_ already!!

"What is going on!!??"

Nothing about this made any sense!

"Come back-"

They didn't.

-

She wandered a little further into this weird and obscure place, finding walls that _looked_ and _felt_ solid, but-

...I don't get it.

_Weren't._

I _just_ don't get it!

Infuriated, she hiked back in front of the blank screen, and sat down with her arms wrapped around both knees.

And put her head in her lap, and _tried_ to calm down-

A pink spark flickered at the tip of her finger.

"..."

She flicked it.

Lasers in the same shade blazed into the floor!

"Whoah-!!"

Natsuki ducked to avoid being hit by her own blasts-

"....!!"

How in the world.

Was she able to do...whatever she was doing at the moment.

I _know_ I'm not a magical girl...

...Although it would've been really cool if she _was_ one.

So what-?

-She snapped two fingers together.

A sudden, bright flash that arced up, and into the ceiling(?)

Residual spears of electricity ran down the sides of wherever she was, thrumming to life some dormant circuitry...

_Hmm._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink lightning.


	19. Three Strands Of Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> Cw: Anxiety mention. Lost body, vibrating. Trapped.

“‘Can you hear me’…”

…

They stared at the tiny sentence blinking to life upon their phone screen.

“What in the-“

They couldn’t ‘hear’ anything.

How much am I going to regret texting them back or not?

-

How…How did Kerrie do it!?

…

Blink-and-you’d-miss-it-

She’d somehow.

Somehow!

Rubber-necked past both parents _and_ her sister-

To leap! into the back of the trunk, and roll neatly behind her other bags.

Feeling like she’d just fallen asleep and woken up in the weirdest dream ever, she loaded in her suitcase.

The clown winked.

She resisted the urge to say something snappy.

You shameless-!!

“Time to go”.

“I’m coming”.

One last glare.

The stowaway grinned widely.

Mystic rolled her eyes.

Hopefully, she’ll stay down in there.

But she made sure to knock on wood.

*

Hand shaking, he brought forth a coiling vine-

“Wait!”

Alice rushed to the door.

“Alice-?”

She gripped the handle, and turned it.

“It’s not locked”.

Swinging it wide, she waved him in first.

“Th-thank you-“

“It’s no trouble”.

So.

There was:

The green jar in the corner, the mirror that Liza had used to speak to Joey in Season 4, and-

Nothing else.

Fear bubbled up his throat.

“Th-there’s no-!”

“Okay…”

She put a hand on his arm.

Rubbed it up and down...

“It’s okay. This place can’t be too big, right?”

“…”

“We’ll find your body”.

“….Y-yes...”

“Don’t worry”.

“……..I’ll try”.

-

The entire car ride, there wasn’t so much as a _peep_ from Kerrie.

Well, they occasionally could hear a loud **_thump_** as they went over a bump or two, but-

Other than that-

She’d gotten quite lucky.

Either that or I’m being set up for an unpleasant surprise in the future.

She wouldn’t put it past her.

Or _would_ she?

…She _did_ seem like she felt bad about the whole causing-her-anxiety-by-trying-to-hide-her-from-her-family business earlier in the day…

_Nope!_

Mystic nearly vigorously shook her head, caught herself, and then did the motions mentally.

She is _not_ going to win me over.

**No!!**

The clown was a literal ghost while they moved her back in.

It-

This _whole_ deal baffled her mind.

Where in the H* did she go!?

People shuffled to and fro. . .

Oh.

My-

She was plastered to the rear of an exceptionally-large piece of furniture.

‘Hi Mystic’, she mouthed, in very high spirits.

She gawped.

-Then quickly hid it before anyone could see.

-

They decided not to return text.

‘Don’t feel like starting a new war with some guy who’s phone company didn’t bother to tell him that they changed the number’.

They decided to finish scooping it up, and shoved the hat and cell into the giant pocket of their hoodie.

‘Geez…’

The ringtone banged so hard, they felt the vibrations rattle violently through their side!!

“Ow-!”

Shocked, they stumbled.

-Ringtone sounding again.

"Ugh, stop it-"

Their ribs couldn't take such rough massaging-

Digging out the cap and electronic device, they glanced at the screen.

'-are you doing!? Don't-'

'How dare you! I'm trying to-'

'Listen!! I need-'

"What the heck?"

Who was this caller!?

Flipping the phone open, they immediately jammed on the letter keys:

'I don't know who you are'.

The response, automatic:

'I don't know who you are, either!'

They typed:

'I'm hanging up. Don't call me'.

'I have to!!'

More pink sparking.

They winced.

'Why?'

'Because I don't know what's going on!!'

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'It means, that I think I'm stuck in your _whatever you have in your hand!!!'_

'My phone?'

'.......What'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three perspectives now, whoo-


	20. Escape From This Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the pressure gets worse, Fate changes the tides once more.
> 
> Cw: Emotional manipulation, phys. violence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm....

Time passed…

Kerrie was quiet.

-Then the wifi kicked in.

She _was_ quiet, but still around.

Forever tapping on _her_ phone-!

Eavesdropping, all over the place-

**Everywhere.**

Even though every time she tried to take a sneak peek, she'd twist away in some impossible contortion-!?

Even if she couldn’t be seen….

She was.

Still.

There.

Would I go to jail for killing someone who time-traveled from the 1970’s?

What a question!

And yet-

That first day, in the revived shuffle of classes, _and_ auditions on top of that:

"Did you get cast?

Did you get cast?

Did you get cast?"

"Can you _please_ shut the f* up?"

"What's the matter? I _know_ you're wondering the same thing…”

She was practically looming over her shoulder like a demented vulture.

"Yes, because the list isn't even up yet!"

"Aww! You still sleep with stuffed animals?"

-?

She turned to see the clown reaching for her beloved-

Kerrie never knew what hit her.

"If you so much as _breathe_ on my unicorn Sparkles, I will make sure _you_ never breathe again”.

"Oh? That's interesting. Your laptop--"

“Don’t change the subject!”

"No, Mystic, I'm being serious”.

Serious?

From _her!?_

"Suuuuure”.

Yeah, right.

"No, I’m actually being serious”.

Her perpetual Joker’s grin had legit faded.

“Look at your laptop”.

“…..”

Okay, just this once, I'll humor you--

ERROR.

The screen blanked out, and filled with a beautifully green heart.

**Hello again, dearie.**

**I've missed you.**

What. The. F*?

"Is it another one of your 69,420 girlfriends?” Kerrie needled-

"Oh, it's Monika”.

It took Mystic .2 seconds to realize what she’d said and what that meant.

"How do you know Monika?"

Kerrie suddenly found herself slammed against the wall, and pinned.

_Hee-hee-hee!_

_It's thanks to her that I'm here again!_

_She found that ship generator and added me in._

Seething, she smacked the conniving clown’s head back.

“Fix this”.

"Uh-uh-uh. Where's that sweet little girl—?”

She was thrown harder into the unforgiving surface.

_Oh Mystic. No need to get so cross._

_Aren't you happy we're together again?_

"No! Not even a little!!”

_Oh? I can change that, you know._

"The h* are you talking about?"

_Well, you see, I want the MC to be devoted to me._

_To be madly in love with me._

_And the more time I spent in computers, the more I learned about how to reprogram people._

_All I'd have to do is bring you into my world and lock the server._

_I'll make you look even cuter and be even sweeter._

_Then it'll be us together._

_For all eternity._

_Just you and I._

_I'll get that portal to my world open--_

As she was concluding her monologue, _two_ portals opened.

One to the left,

And one to the right.

'Mystic.....I can keep you safe. Come through my portal, and I will make sure you are never hurt'.

From the left.

They sounded…vaguely familiar?

A glowing, blue crystal floated out of whatever land existed on the other end, and hovered in mid-air.

'If you wish to come to me, take this with you'.

-Like she was going to pass this up-

Compared to everyone _else_ she’d ever met who’d wanted her for her own-

_These two_ were proving to be _unsettlingly_ unpredictable.

"Mystic, what are you doing?"

She ignored the struggling clown, and swept up a phone and charger.

Please, please let me go somewhere better-!!!

She hopped in without a second glance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting...


	21. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice and Envy create plans from nothing. And run with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Blood.

“O….kay…..”

He drew in a shaky breath.

Tried to calm down-

“Is there….a map, anywhere?”

“Well…”

She racked her brains.

“….I wonder if that Collector lady would have some kind of manifest? Something to help her keep track of her exhibits….”

“She doesn’t keep it here”.

“No, she doesn’t. But….”

“But what?”

“She _does_ have a vault. Of things she considers precious. The Orb and the Pandora’s Box were in there….hmm….”

“….Was it called the Orb?”

“Probably not, but the name escapes me right now-oh. Yeah. The Cosmic Sphere-“

She closed her eyes, and shook her head.

“Sometimes, I mix stuff up-It's been a while since I saw Season 4“.

“It’s fine”.

He turned to the door.

“That vault was locked by nine keys? I think-

Maybe you could tear it off if it’s still shut?”

“Maybe. I hope so-“

He shuddered.

“There was also an alcove where the Collector kept the Sorceress’ staff”.

“Where was that?”

“Uh-“

She had to re-rack her brains.

“Ohh….that one, I don’t quite remember-“

“She’s probably taken it by now-“

“Yeah, but I do remember some magic, floating lights still there”.

“What?”

“I don’t know what they were, they were never explained”.

“Some kind of will-o-the-wisp?”

“I have no idea”.

“It’s another option to think about, at least…”

She didn’t hear him breathe.

“Envy?”

“Huh?”

“…..Are you breathing?”

“Who….who can breathe?”

“Hey…hey…..”

“…….”

She hugged him.

“We’ll find your body. It’s going to be okay”.

“….It feels like a long shot-“

“I know….but we can do it.”.

“…..I know….I know……”

His soul-body was shaking slightly…

“You have to breathe, though”.

“……Breathe?”

“Mm-hm”.

“…….I….I’ll….t-try….”

He gave her a shaky smile.

“Thank you”.

“…..I’m scared, Alice-“

“I know”.

She took his hand.

“I think I remember where the lounge is-that’s where the vault was, and maybe that other place too”.

“I…h-hope so”.

Foot steps.

“Alice-“

“Oh-“

She ducked behind a column, and made herself be as small as possible-

Glowing guard eyes.

Yellow beams piercing through the halls, and gleaming off the edge of the marble-

She _made herself as small as possible._

“They’re gone”.

“Phew….”

She let go.

Hands wet with sweat.

“That was very crampy”.

“I”m glad they didn’t find you”.

“Me too…”

The girl leaned back, shoulders relaxing.

-Well, as much as they _could_ relax in Purgatory…

“….Oookay….”

Quietly said.

“Time to keep moving-“

“How close are we?”

“Pretty close, if I’m right”.

She climbed onto the stairs again, and hurriedly tip-toed around a corner.

Envy followed worriedly after her-

“Do you see it?”

“Yeah-“

“Oh good”.

It looked just as pristine as ever.

Nine people hadn't spent their last moments sitting on _that_ couch-

But they _had_.

They were all gone now.

The vault was still closed.

"Well....do you think you can get it open?"

"We'll see-"

Vines broke out of the floor.

Directing them to curl around the smooth slab of stone keeping her treasures, in...

They tightened-

_Squeezed._

He **wrenched.**

Veins popping out of his knuckles, raising the fabric of his glove-

The rock _groaned._

"Envy!?"

"Come...on....!!"

He pulled even harder!!!

-A crack formed in the wall.

Alice **_jumped._**

Then another one-

Chlorophyl dripped off of his fingers and splattered to the floor.

He hissed in pain-

I won't give up.

A third crack.

This one running to the floor-

"Envy be careful-"

She ran to hold his trembling arm steady.

"Almost..."

A fourth crack.

"Almost-"

He suddenly collapsed to one knee-

"Envy!??

Are you alright?"

He was panting.

-With one final tug, the entire disk fell **flat.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, that racket-


	22. Over The Border Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doki Doki travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost Friday.

‘What do you mean, phone!!?’

-They were a bit surprised this person hadn’t gone full caps by now.

‘Who even are you-‘

‘Who are you’.

‘I asked first!!’

‘I don’t give strangers personal info’.

‘Well……..you’re not fair!!!!’

‘It’s my policy, and I’m not apologizing’.

‘Ughhh-‘

The screen went blank of text messages.

Guess I scared them off.

‘Natsuki….’

Or not?

‘I don’t know a Natsuki’.

‘No duh-! I don’t know you!!’

‘How could you be trapped?’

‘Hey! You said you’d say your name, too!!’

I did?

‘I don’t think so’.

‘Come on!’

‘Your name, should it be real, isn’t enough for me to trust you’.

‘It is my real name!’

‘Mm-hm’.

Pink sparks.

They nearly dropped the phone again.

‘If you burn me, I definitely won’t talk to you’.

‘It got your attention before-‘

‘It won’t now’.

‘You are so-‘

‘Bye’.

They powered it off.

-It immediately chimed back on.

‘You don’t just do that to people!!’

…Man. What a headache.

*

This was _not_ working!

Why wouldn’t this kid _listen_ to her-

“Hey! HEY!!”

Agitated, she thrust her arm in the air!

Iridescent lightning, but she didn’t want it to burn-

She didn’t want it to burn.

*

“What was that!?”

_You don’t know?_

“No, I don’t know!!”

_Well-_

If Kerrie didn’t know better, she would have said that Monika’s typing appeared irritated.

_Why don’t you know?_

“I don’t make it a habit to go poking into Purgatory-“

She threw her arms up into the air.

“I don’t want to get caught!!”

_…Purgatory?_

“You saw that blue crystal!!!!”

Her eyes flashed.

“There’s only _one_ b* around here who owns something like that, and it’s _not_ Joey anymore!”

_I have no idea who you’re talking about._

“Of course you don’t”.

She snorted derisively.

“Whatever”.

Running full speed at the still-swirling vortex, she was-

**_Violently_ **repelled.

**THUDDD**

Right into the wall.

“I f*ing hate you”, she muttered.

Monika was silent.

……….

She dragged herself up off the floor, mouth bleeding…

“S*!”

She was watching it swish to a close-

_You can still go through **my** portal._

“I-fine”.

Rotating her clicking shoulder, she limped inside.

*

"Wh-!?"

Strands of what felt like stretchy LEDs shot out of the phone, and wrapped around their arm!!

"Let go!!"

'No! I can't-'

"Let go!!"

'I _can't!'_

Italics for extra desperation.

Not that they cared-

"What the heck!!"

They pried at the sticking stuff-

Fruitlessly.

"What is this!?"

'You have to help me!'

"I _can't_ help you-"

I don't.

Know.

You!!

'You _have_ to-'

"No!"

They made to smack their hand against a concrete pole.

'Whoah, NO-'

*

In a rush of blue light and a sudden jumble of color, the clown was deposited conveniently where the twosome had last made plans.

"You look like Death".

"Thanks a billion".

She puffed a hint of air from between her lips.

Flopped onto a chair-

"Next moves, Moni?"

*

She didn't know how she did it-

There was absolutely _no way_ she could replicate it if she tried.

She gave a titanic pull, shoe heels **_digging_** into the 'floor', or whatever-

A hand was steadily and suddenly drawn through the screen.

"Wha-!!?"

"What the-"

They, for their part, immediately panicked at the sight of their fingers vanishing into what looked like an LCD void.

"Let go-!!?"

Sinking into that-

**Thick, black water.**

They shivered.

"What's going on!!?"

Their feet hit solid ground?

_Where!?_

"....."

She was shorter by a good two inches.

_That_ Natsuki.

From DDLC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Techno Land.


	23. Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's in the Vault, and who's just arrived?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings that I can immediately think of except spoilers for ETN S4, and some impending peril-

“I’m….fine….”

His hand _stung._

As if the nerves had been ripped out-

“I…I got it”.

“Yeah….”

He didn’t miss her look of worry.

It’ll….it’ll be fine.

It’s just a flesh wound.

“-You think anyone heard?”

He wished he hadn’t said anything.

Fear flickered for an instant in her eyes-

“It was really loud”.

She sounded calm, but he knew better.

“They probably did-“

“In that case, we have to hurry”.

She ran to the opening.

He tried to rise-

_Light-headed._

Not...surprising after such an…effort, but-

…Don’t have time for this.

“See…anything?”

“There’s no orb, which makes sense because Bretman and Colleen took it with them when they left-“

“Okay…”

“We have the Pandora’s Box”.

“Pandora’s what?”

“Joey got himself stuck in it, and it created the Medusa”.

“-!?”

-He **_remembered_** that snake.

“Alice-“

“I won’t touch it-“

“I know-“

Envy hot-footed the distance between them.

“Ugh, screams danger”.

If that giant skull meant anything-

“Yeah”.

She ran her hands over the shelf.

“I don’t know…”

“Nothing else?”

“That’s what it’s looking like-“

“……….”

He felt his heart thump **painfully** into his throat.

“She really has no map".

“……………………..”

“Hmm….”

Alice stepped back, mind moving a thousand miles a minute.

He couldn’t summon up one thought.

“-Well….”

“…………………………………………”

“I’ve got another idea”.

She touched his arm.

“We’ll find it…”

“…………W…….how-“

He swallowed.

“I can always….get her to show me when she eventually storms in-“

“Alice, that is a bad idea!”

“I know, I know…”

She smiled.

It was strained.

“If it works, though…”

“You could end up like me-“

“Or, if I do, you can break out and then it’ll be fine”.

“…………………………………………………………….”

She did have a point.

“I….guess….but….”

There was still the matter of-

“What if that Medusa woman tries to freeze you-“

“I think I have some dream power here, if I’m not wrong”.

“I hope so….”

He looked nervously toward the door.

“……Please be careful”.

“I will be”.

Alice had a lot of courage...

"If you need me, call and I will be there".

"Thank you..."

She squeezed him in a hug.

Lights flashed, and faded, and Mystic tumbled free.

"Whoah-"

Arms caught her.

"Hello, dear".

She looked up, glasses askew from the chaotic landing.

It was a gaze where you couldn't be sure which side they were on.

"Welcome".

She was steadied-

"We have been waiting for you".

"What?"

Of all the things she had expected them to say-

....Actually yeah, that _did_ sound like what she'd been expecting them to say.

"You said you'd keep me safe".

"I did, yes..."

"And that I would never be hurt..."

"Yes, again".

"So..."

She checked to make sure she still had her phone and charger.

"Right here".

The other's companion handed them over.

...Somewhat suspicious, she took back the items-

"How exactly do you plan to do that?"

They were about to answer her.

When-

**THOOMMMM**

"What was that!?"

They frowned.

"....I wonder".

They beckoned for the other to follow.

"This could get dangerous. If you're going to come along, do it with discretion-"

Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll see how well this is going to work.


	24. Technological Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Different obstacles for different folks-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Spoilers for DDLC, cyber-stalking, trapped.

“-For the record, I already regret it because I don’t know how to get you out”.

They blinked.

“What”.

Did she just say-!!?

“You can’t WHAT-!!?”

“So, sorry in advance”.

Natsuki let go of their wrist.

It _stung-_

“You-“

They had to pinch themselves.

They didn’t do it.

“….Am I dreaming”.

“No”.

She looked extremely offended.

“You’ve been talking to me for the past ten minutes, and you think you’re _dreaming-“_

“Lucid dreaming”.

“…..You’ve gotta be joking”.

They weren’t.

“Why….why are you even in here-“

“I don’t know!!”

She exploded.

_“I don’t know anything about anything!!!_

I was running into the hallway, and then I….I don’t know, got scrambled!???

And then I was in this weird, empty place, and it was stinking _dark-_

Then it was stinking BRIGHT and I couldn’t _see,_ and it HURT-

The whole place chilled out, and you were there, in my face, but you wouldn’t TALK to me, it’s like a FISH BOWL here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m desperate, I don’t GET this, _I don’t UNDERSTAND!!!”_

Her shout rattled off of the dark walls.

“I just want to know what’s going on”.

She drew in a shaking breath.

“Where _this_ came from-“

Flicked her hand, and pink sparks showered loose.

They flinched slightly.

“I don’t really have anybody else to turn to”.

………………………………………………………………………….

“……You don’t know that you’re a character in a video game”.

“What”.

-That answered that.

“Natsuki…you’re from an undercover horror, dating sim where out of the four of you, Monika is the only self-aware one.

She deletes your character file at the end of the Second Act, and you effectively……….”

She wasn’t getting it.

They could see it in her eyes.

“Die”.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“…..Wh……huh……”

It wasn’t clicking.

It wasn’t meshing with everything she’d ever known-

Up ‘till **now.**

“You must’ve walked out of wherever digital components go to decompose, or decompile-?”

“….H…..how…..”

“I don’t know, I’m no tech whiz”.

They huffed.

Feeling more like they were dreaming than ever.

“My phone used to be broken, and like _heck_ was I going to be able to fix it on my own.

Then you showed up-“

“Why……why _your_ phone!? Why-“

“I don’t know”.

“That’s not helpful!”

“Well…. _.I honestly don’t know!”_

“Come onnnn-!!!”

The pink-haired girl clutched her head.

“Seriously!? I did all this for _nothing!!?”_

“What did you _expect_ me to do!??”

“Help me!!!”  
“How!!??”

“I don’t know! By coming up with an explanation!!?”

“I mean, I kind-of did-“

“Your explanation makes no sense!!”

“Hey! I did my best!!”

They were becoming quite annoyed.

“ _You_ got me stuck here”.

“I don’t even know what I did to _get_ you here, okay?”

Natsuki groaned.

“I don’t know what I’m doing at all-“

“No duh”.

They _were_ quite annoyed.

"You better have a back up plan".

"I don't".

"Oh, _great-"_

"Look".

She sighed.

"I may not have a back up plan...but that doesn't mean I can't figure one out".

"You're doing a stellar job, so far".

"I've barely had any time to think!!"

Frustrated, they kicked a wall.

It dented.

"Eh?"

"Oh?"

They kicked at it harder.

The dent widened.

They kicked at it harder, _harder_ , **_harder_** -

The convex hole deepened, _deepened,_ ** _CRUNCH._**

Natsuki's jaw had unhinged from her mouth.

"......I could've done that the whole time!?"

"It _is_ a damaged phone", they reminded her.

".........Wow".

She had the urge to kick _herself._

*

Monika switched from screen to screen, in a vain attempt to spy on Purgatory.

"Having fun?" Kerrie snipped.

"It's the best we've got if you won't go yourself".

The clown closed her mouth.

"Don't have to shame me..." she mumbled under her breath.

"What am I _supposed_ to do".

Clearly, she was in a mood.

"It's not like _I_ can infiltrate it".

"..."

Unfortunately, she was right.

No 21st century electronics hanging around in _that_ h*hole-

"So we're stuck".

"For now".

She laughed in a self-deprecating manner.

"Too bad for all our carefully-laid plans, huh?"

Monika didn't respond.

There wasn't anything left to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two different sides of a coin, hehe.


	25. The AU Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two plot lines converge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Scratching, anxiety.

Alice sat on the couch.

Waiting.

Her arms itched.

They seemed to do that lately, for no reason at all.

Or was it because of the stress?

I should find out some time…

She crossed her legs.

………….Uncrossed them.

Envy was literally right there, why was she so nervous-

He met her eyes, and she jumped, looked away.

Of course, right then.

That _would_ happen.

She knit up her fingers.

Un-knit them.

Voices from outside:

“What’s going on?”

“We’ll see-“

“But-“

They sounded vaguely familiar.

“…”

Paused in the doorway was the Collector.

Staff in hand-

Faithful Gorgon by her side.

There seemed to be someone in behind them, but it was hard to tell their identity.

“….You should not be out of your exhibit”.

Alice stood up.

“I don’t…really have one-“

The Gorgon hissed.

“You were trying to escape”, their Master continued-

“Alone?”

The very idea dropped a pit into her stomach.

“No…I wouldn’t leave without him”.

“-Alice?”

“Huh-“

No wonder they sounded vaguely familiar:

“Alice, you’re here!?”

She recognized her from pictures online.

“Mystic?”

“Oh, you know her…”

“Yes!”

The Writer hurried into the Lounge.

“What happened? How did you-!?”

“Kerrie did it-“

Her face went bloodless.

“Kerrie-“

“Fortunately, you will not have to deal with her anymore”.

The Collector stalked in, snake woman following at her gestured command.

“Nor this disobedient runaway”.

“Wait!”

Mystic got in their way, arms out.

“She’s my friend! You said you’d protect me, I need you to protect her, too!!”

“Why should we do that?”

There seemed to be no malice attached to the question…just a genuine need for an answer.

“She fought me”.

“Well, can you really blame her!? All we’ve been taught about you is how evil you are!”

“….”

Digesting this...

"....I suppose you are right".

"Thank you".

"If you're going to protect me does that mean you'll protect him?"

Alice exchanged a glance-

"Him?"

Mystic tilted her head, confused.

"Wait-"

"'Him' meaning the elf".

"Yes-"

"Wait, _what!?"_

"If he promises to behave himself".

She trained a wary eye on the wrenched-off disk.

Just...lying there...

"I can't have him destroying this place...more than he has already. Somehow-"

"Envy is here".

"Yeah, but-"

Alice clammed up.

Would it be a good idea to tell her he'd managed to magically separate himself from his body in front of the Collector and her Medusa friend or-

"Well-we have to find him!"

Mystic fixed her with pleading eyes.

"Please? Show us where he is?"

She deliberated.

Alice hoped-

"Yes. I will show you".

Envy exhaled.

She wasn't sure if they could hear him or not.

*

He'd finally be getting his body back.

Although some of his anxiety dissipated, he had his doubts.

What they were promising-

They haven't done anything to prove that their intentions really _are_ good.

They'd also tried to chain up Alice-

If they act nice to her now, it'll only be because she's Mystic's friend.

Allies like that could be dangerous.

The woman beckoned for them to join her in the yard...

I don't know...I just don't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody gets a stroke of good luck for a change.


	26. Coming Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traveling, and the stroke of good luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, marathoning.
> 
> Cw: Tracking. Teasing, sex worker mention.

Lights pulsated and flashed every so often as they walked.

“What is this?”

“Heck if I know…”

It almost reminded them of…

“Is it….some kind of data trail?”

“Like I said”, Natsuki huffed.

“Heck if I know”.

They frowned.

“Anything you _do_ know?”

“Hey! I’m not dumb-“

“I didn’t say you were”.

“-You’re so-!”

“What”.

The pink-haired girl mumbled something under her breath.

They gave her a look.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“-You never did tell me your name”.

“Huh?”

“I told you my name but you never told me yours”.

“Oh”.

They grimaced.

“Yoshino…”

They tugged on their hood.

“What’s up with that?

I haven’t met a Yoshino in forever-“

“One, you’ve been living with only four people for _like,_ forever. Two, it’s also a name prostitutes used to use way, way back in Japanese history”.

“……Ohh-“

“Yeah, ‘ohh’. Especially when the elementary kids found out-“

“But, aren’t you like, 17?”

“I’m 19, but who’s counting?”

“You still get made fun of?”

“No, until a teacher looked it up and gave me weird glances for the rest of the semester”.

“Wow, how professional”.

“I know, right?”

Natsuki’s nostrils flared.

“Adults can be such idiots-“

“Uh, _I’m_ an adult”.

“………….”

That low-lidded expression said everything they needed to know.

“Oh come on! How was I _supposed_ to react to some weirdo calling me up on my phone!!?”

“Better than _that”._

She went on ahead.

“….Son of a-“

They poured on the speed to catch up.

Kerrie was lounging on the seat, chin perched on her fist-

When an idea suddenly hit her.

She sat bolt-upright.

“Monika”.

“What?”

The brunette tilted her head in confirmation that she had heard.

“I just figured out how you could infiltrate Purgatory”.

She was suddenly interested:

"You did?"

Diverting her attention from the screens, she waited for whatever Kerrie might say next:

"Mystic brought her phone with her through the portal.

I saw her do it".

Her eyes sparkled with devilish excitement.

She leaned over and slapped both hands upon the control table-

"She even had the charger".

Monika grinned.

"....Well, well".

Tapping the electric keys faster than lightning, she initiated the tracking of the signal-

"If we can zero in on _exactly_ where it is in Purgatory...we can suck her through a digital portal straight to us".

*

They saw the empty rock where Excalibur had once resided.

They saw the empty rock where Merlin had once been bound.

No more blood staining the grass...

A new glass box.

Alice felt her heart jump when she saw it!

"Oh my God..." Mystic gasped...

There he was, frozen with his shield up.

The Plant Knight.

(Envy turned paler than pale).

"Seemed fitting", was the Collector's only remark.

"Can you break him out please?"

"...."

She flicked her hand, and the case shattered.

Shimmering fractals falling away as the shell collapsed bonelessly to the ground-

Alice hurried to catch him!

(He couldn't move).

"Wh-Is he okay!?"

Mystic ran over.

"He'll be on his feet soon enough", the Collector promised.

But he didn't move.

"Is this supposed to happen?" she asked them.

(He couldn't get his legs to move).

"Yeah....he'll be fine", Alice reassured.

(Though she was looking curiously in his direc-)

Slowly...

His nerve returned.

Heart shuddering in his chest, he walked over to the limp body.

Knelt-

His hand shook as he placed it onto the silent breast.

_Willed_ his soul back inside-

He felt something glow and crackle between his ribs.

Closed his eyes........

Let himself fall.

*

Did it work?

That was his first panicked thought.

His eyelids fluttered-

"....Alice?"

"-!!"

Her arms were already around him.

The breath crushed from his lungs-

"You're alive-"

"Y....yeah".

He ruffled her hair.

Not minding the pressure one bit.

"..........."

He then looked to the Collector and her Sidekick.

"Welcome back".

Alice helped him stand up...

"What _was_ that? What _happened_ to you!? What-" Mystic questioned rapid-fire-

"Give me your phone, please".

"-What?"

The woman held out her hand.

"Your pursuers may be using it to track you as we speak".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy March 1st!


	27. Teeth-Clenched TeamWork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will the villains do next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Kerrie.
> 
> Kidnapping.

“Pursuers?”

She gulped.

“You mean-“

“You must hand it over”.

The Collector was firm.

“…Y-yeah. Okay-“

No sooner did she have the technological object within her grasp, then she closed her fist.

The crunching noise echoed-

“I am sorry. It had to be done”.

Mystic watched with apprehension as she shook the metallic fragments from her fingers.

“What if they still find another way in?”

“They will not. They are afraid of how I might catch them up should they physically arrive here, and there are no other lines of….’data’….they can use to reach you in lieu of that”.

“That’s good…”

She let out a breath of relief, for once.

“So….now what?”

“Now, I explain to you the meaning behind my promises”.

Beckoning the four of them back the way they had come, she still couldn’t help but wonder if this was really the end.

*

The signal disappeared.

“Huh?”

Monika tried to hone in on why, but-

“Ahhh-!?”

She fell to the ground, zapped aside by a large blast of golden lightning.

“What was that!?”

Kerrie was on her feet in an instant.

“….I think we’ve been compromised-“

Wincing at the coppery taste between her teeth, the living program pulled herself from the digital floor.

“……Yeah”.

Her fingers tapped the keys lightly-

Z-A-A-P-P-P-

“-!?”

She ducked.

“Yeah-I think we’ve been locked out”.

“No s*, Sherlockia-“

The clown squinted at the screen.

“Somethin’ happen to the phone?”

“Something must have…”

Monika’s lips thinned to a line.

“How is she even still alive?”

“You got me…”

“If this is Purgatory, then that crystal should have been gone. She should have been killed-“

“Did your research, huh?”

“You have to, for someone like her-“

“My Kerrie-Snapping’s not gonna make that b* disappear”.

“I know”.

...Kerrie-Snapping?

She mulled over the impossible situation for a minute.

“There has to be some way to undo it-if we could just figure out-“

“Good luck, Moni”.

“Don’t call me Moni”.

“Too late”.

*

Monika did a search.

Looking for any hints-

Virtually nothing but clips of the past.

All things she already knew...

But how did she revive?

It was common knowledge by now that Joey, Colleen, and Bretman had ended her previous life with that sword.

She'd been turned to dust.

Eight months is a long time.

Even so-

How?

"Kerrie?"

"Yeah?"

"What else do you know about the Collector?"

"Nothin' and nada....'cept 'ol Cursey didn't like her much".

"Cursey?"

"Cursed God, I mean come on. You've been lurkin' around for a while, yah gotta know who _he_ is at least".

"I know...."

"I think it's 'cause she was always stealing his victims, his staff-"

"Oh really?"

"Mmhm...until he did something to make her avoid ever using that nasty Cosmic Sphere on his a*".

"And what was that?"

"Beats me..."

"...."

"That's all I got".

"I figured".

She hovered over the keyboard, trying to brainstorm-

"...Who had the crystal last?"

"Uh...some SAE drones. I can't remember if it got broked or not since last time I saw it".

"So...would the SAE have put it back together?"

"Probably deemed it as 'unsavable' knowing them..."

"So then how did it end up with the Collector again?"

"Why are you asking me?"

".........I'm just wondering if someone went and repaired the fragments-"

"And then brought that old hag back to life?"

"Yes-"

"How in the h* do we find that out!?? Hack into the S4 camera footage!!??"

"Hmm..."

She bit her lip.

"I think....maybe we could".

Keystrokes, resounding through the air at an unfathomable mile per hour.

"It'll take some time, however-"

"Hey. If it works, it works".

Kerrie grimaced.

"But that b* could have her stored away as some exhibit by then".

"Not like she can't be sprung out once we find the Collector's weakness".

"True..."

The clown picked at her ruff.

"Unless we get hexed off the face of the planet or something-"

Monika rolled her eyes.

"Please go knock on some wood".

"Okay-"

**KNOCK**

**KNOCK**

**KNOCK**

**KNOCK**

Kerrie clocked herself in the head with both fists, one hemisphere of her brain, then the other.

Monika wanted to bang hers against the digital wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evil spotlight today.


	28. Starting And Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One line has more questions, while another has more answers.
> 
> Cw: Stalking worries, phys. violence, past death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello.

The tiny light in the distance grew closer and closer.

Natsuki put a hand to her brow.

Shielding her eyes-

“Ugh”.

They protected themselves from the glare with a dark sleeve.

“Where is this going?”

“I don’t know”.

She stepped through the opening first.

“—!!”

A bedroom.

As the brightness went down, and she was able to un-plaster her fingers from her fac-

“-!!!”

Oh no.

“N…not….this house….!”

She backed up.

Slow-

“What?”

Yoshino peeped over her shoulder.

“-Is this Sayori’s bedroom!!?”

“I don’t wanna be here-“

She was shaking.

At the memory-

“I **don’t** wanna be here-“

“Why?”

They were confused.

“She got deleted from the game before you ever had the chance to find out”.

“I….”

She couldn’t keep her eyes off a foot in front of the frame.

“I….”

“There’s nothing”.

They walked to the center.

“Why would the data trail lead into an unused file?”

“………We should go-“

“It doesn’t make sense-“

“N…nothing about this makes sense!!”

She clenched a fist, and hit the wall with a dull THUMP!!!

“None of it…!!”

“…..”

They looked around for any clues that could possibly help them to solve this strange mystery.

Every single facet.

“…What is this?”

They picked up a weirdly-squarish chicken.

“S-Sayori owned that-“

“You’re really bent out of shape…”

Natsuki rubbed at her eyelids.

.......Maybe Monika’s meddling is wearing off?

Well, whatever was causing her odd breakdown-

Can’t be a fun time.

They set the chicken on a pillow, and squinted out the window.

Bright rays burned into their corneas-

“Ow-“

“Huh-“

“How do you _not_ melt?”

“What?”

“The sunlight is scorching-hot-“

“Oh”.

Wincing, they swiped the back of their hand across their spotted vision.

“Agh…”

They were about to check the closet when:

“Stairs”.

They didn’t ask her how she knew-

They flung open the doors, and yoinked Natsuki in.

“Wh-HEY-“

“Quiet”.

Finger to their lips.

The doors were **shut.**

……………………………………………..

They waited, in tense silence.

Arm firmly locked around the girl’s shoulders.

Her fingers sparked pink.

……………………………………………………………………………..

The doors were opened.

Yoshino kicked out-

Air whooshed into the narrow space as the intruder fell.

They hopped home free-

She jumped as metal snapped around her arm.

“-!!?”

——————————————————————————————————————————————

He woke up, on the floor, with a sharp kitchen knife pressed into his neck.

“Alright you….!!”

The pink-haired girl’s grip was wobbling.

He could have easily thrown her off, and would have done so too, if he wasn’t reading an absolute certainty of his throat being slit, accidentally or otherwise from the not-subtle look of fearful anger in her eyes.

“Who are you and what are you doing in my friend’s house!??”

The Collector tapped her staff off the wall three times.

A partition opened...

"Whoah", Alice whispered.

Blue and purple aura filled the space, while various bric-a-brac sat neatly in small piles.

Small, glowing orbs flittered around the room like they had a life of their own-

"These are the Fairy Lights".

They flew to her, glittering.

Resting at the tips of her fingers...

"Their magic can keep anyone and anything from harm".

"Like me?" Mystic asked.

"Yes. Especially you".

She signaled to them.

They swooshed around the Writer's body, and spiraled up into the ceiling, leaving golden dust trails in their wake.

"What did that do?"

"It made you impervious to anyone else's influence and intentions.

No one can no longer physically or mentally take you away".

"Wow...thank you, but-"

"You are welcome. And do not worry. Your friends, too, shall receive this same protection".

Alice smiled in awe at the little creatures as they repeated their upward circling.

Envy shivered, and then sneezed.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I read his thoughts while he was becoming my newest exhibit, and I know everything".

"What".

The Plant Man's eyes grew wide.

"You did _what-!?"_

"It is standard procedure".

He bristled.

"It's standard procedure to invade peoples' minds-"

"Hey-" Mystic cut in, "If she hadn't, we wouldn't finally be safe...unless-"

She looked fearful all of a sudden.

"There's..no way to negate it, is there?"

"Not unless I say otherwise".

Her shoulders relaxed.

"Well...that's a relief...but-"

"But why would I do this for you?"

"Yeah...it's just...."

  
She shifted nervously.

"You've never...taken an interest in me before-"

"Let us just say that the Cursed God and I are far from friends".

"Oh".

She seemed somewhat disappointed.

"So...now what?"

"Now...I send you all home".

"Home?"

"...Are we still dead?"

I hope not...

"You are not", the Collector confirmed.

Alice let out a breath.

"What if Kerrie and Monika come for us, though?"

"They will not be able to touch you", she promised, "And should they ever try-"

The blue crystal glowed from inside Mystic's pocket.

_"That_ will bring them straight to me".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who knew we'd be lucky enough to find someone who could match him?


	29. Endings And Startings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilouges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all.

She opened a portal at the edge of her domain.

“Goodbye, please come again soon”.

“Think I’ll pass on that”, Envy muttered under his breath.

“Maybe”, Alice said.

“That’d be cool”.

Mystic looked down.

The Collector nodded.

Not-Medusa watched them coldly-

She was about to put a foot through the swirl of light when-

“Wait!”

Mystic caught her arm.

“Huh-“

She almost fell on her.

  
“What-“

Envy was alarmed!

“What do you mean ‘wait’-“

“This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance!”

“Chance?”

Alice steadied herself just in time-

“Yeah!”

The Plant Man was floored.

“You….want to…!!”

“Wouldn’t it be a good place to explore?”

“Explore?” Alice parroted.

“Yes!”

“But…don’t you have other things you have to do too?”

She shrugged.

“…..”

“…Does time freeze here?” Alice wondered.

Mystic turned to the Collector and her snake-haired friend.

“Time speeds up”.

She nodded to the Armageddon clock waaaay back in the Lounge-

“Oh”.

Her shoulders sagged.

“Of course it does”.

“However”.

“However?”

“Unless it is unlocked, time does not move here”.

“What about in the real world, though?”

“I am afraid I do not control it as much as I would like”.

“…..”

Her face fell.

“-If you would prefer to spend the night, I can arrange that much for you”.

She looked up.

“Really?”

A tiny glimmer of hope?

“Yes, really”.

“Don’t you have class the next day, though?” Envy pointed out.

Alice rubbed her neck.

“I do, but you know me. I don’t exactly have the best sleeping schedule”.

“….Yeah, but-“

“None of us have to do anything before noon?” the third member of their party suggested?

“….That’s…true….”

The Plant Man frowned.

“-Yes. So let’s stay”.

Mystic smiled a little.

“Nobody’s after me right now for once, shouldn’t I get some time to relax?”

(Alice looked for wood to knock on).

“I guess…”

He still had his doubts…

She turned to the Collector.

“I think we’re gonna take you up on that”.

The portal slowly shrunk until it closed.

Alice knocked on a wooden tree while they headed back-

Why am I not at ease?

He shivered, despite how warm the armor felt.

-Noticing that made him shiver more.

Yes, she did help us, but-

Her motives are just too unclear for me to trust.

I still remember Season 4…

…

“Envy?”

She was looking back at him, curiously.

He swallowed down his fears.

For now…

“…Kinda fell behind there, sorry-“

He hurried to catch up.

*

"Well!?"

Pink lightning sparked in her eyes.

"Who are you!?"

"Awfully nervy, aren't you", he said flatly.

"Don't try to get up!!"

"Wasn't thinking of it".

-What did she think he was going to do, escape?

Kill them?

Both?

"Who are you".

-Her compatriot speaking.

"Who are you".

"Don't mirror what we said-"

The pink-lightning child flared.

"Why not".

"Why-"

"Oh great, we're stuck with a smart aleck-"

"I was here far longer than either of you".

"You say that, but-"

"How did you get in?"

"How _did_ you!?"

"I touched a mirror and it broke".

"What!?"

"How is that possible?"

"You tell me".

He folded his arms.

"I felt like I was being ripped to shreds, and then I was here".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	30. Captive Audience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Mystic and her friends safe, and the villains distracted, there's just one last thread to tie up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Implied trauma.

Natsuki’s jaw dropped.

Ripped to shr-

He said it so casually, too-

“….Are you okay?”

“No”.

Not an ounce of emotion in his tone.

“….How long have you been squatting in here for!??”

“……I don’t know. The clock downstairs is permanently frozen”.

“Huh. Weird”.

They chewed on their cheek in thought.

“Yes. No duh. I also have nothing to gain from hurting either of you in this context if I want to eventually leave”.

The knife jammed a little further under his chin.

“Say what!!?”

“Say what”.

His green eyes narrowed slightly.

“If you got in, you can get out?”

“As if”, she snorted.

“I don’t even know how I made it this far”.

“I certainly don’t recall anyone spouting pink lightning bolts before”.

“Who has?” They said drily.

“…Right. Well. What did you do when you arrived?”

“Uh…”

She had to think-

“I saw a light, and started walking, and…then I ended up in their cell phone-“

She didn’t take her eyes off of him **once.**

He gave her credit for that, at least.

“And then I made it do weird stuff apparently, and hello electricity”.

“-Then you dragged me in”.

“Then I…dragged them in…which I don’t know how to fix-“

“You don’t know a lot of things”.

“I-I know! Okay!?”

She flushed cherry-red.

“L-look. It was Yoshino’s foot who knocked the wall down that landed us in this place, with you”.

“Oh?”

“Yeah”.

They still seemed a bit shocked over it.

“…You think you can knock down the front door?”

“Maybe. If I know who you are-“

“Or are you afraid we won’t let you out with us if we know?”

His eyebrows raised.

That, was an interesting conclusion-

“…..”

“What, you didn’t consider that?”

“I was a bit preoccupied with the current threat of death hanging over my throat”.

“….Fair”.

Natsuki wasn’t budging.

“Yoshino, try to kick down the front door. I don’t trust this guy as far as I can throw him”.

“You can’t”.

“What, and leave the creep here with you!??”

“Well, what am I supposed to do with him?”

“‘Him’ can still hear you-“

“Ugh”.

Yoshino tugged on their hood.

“Fine-“

They hustled out.

Darn it all…

They **_hated_** this.

Leaving her up there with that- _whomever-_

It’s gonna bite me in the-

It was a short trek on the stairs.

They rushed to the unwitting door frame, and-

**WHACKKK**

The impact reverberated through their foot-

OW, okay-

“Ah…”

Wincing, they tried to regain their balance.

My toes….

Please don’t tell me they’re broken-

They tugged on the knob.

_Keys._

They ransacked the nearest cabinets.

Yes!!

Fumbling the ring into their hands, they charged to the lock despite their bones screaming bloody murder, and tried tooth shape after tooth shape after tooth shape-

Come on, _come on-_

_Click!_

YES!!

They flung the door wide-

Empty.

**Blackness.**

“We’ve got a problem!!”

“Huh?”

Natuski turned her attention elsewhere for an instant-

He snatched the knife out of her hand.

“Wh-!?”

Then stood, brushing the dust off of his clothes.

“What kind of problem?”

The big, empty void kind.

“What do we do-“

Yoshino felt nightmare haze cloud their mind.

Make everything seem….unreal-

“……” Natsuki stared.

“Keep…keep going?”

“Even though we don’t have a light anymore?”

“I mean….there could be more walls to knock down?”

“……..This can’t be possible”.

They looked to the third member of their sudden party-

“…..Not this….”

Although appearing calm enough…

His self-composure was slipping-

And slipping **hard.**

“Not what?”

She was mildly confused and concerned at the exact same time.

There was a loud _CRACK-_

The blade stabbed into the front stoop, narrowly missing her instep-

The handle crushed to smithereens.

“Hey, Sir-!?”

Yoshino was very much alarmed.

“This was **not** supposed to happen _again--"_

“D-don’t panic, okay?”

The gears in their brain spun-

“Uh…maybe we could-um…”

He looked her full in the face.

The gears **_stuttered._**

They couldn’t be sure, but-

Is he….having a flash back!??

The red tinge in his eyes was no good, at any rate-

“B….Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice-“

“What the-!??”

Natsuki’s expression said plainly enough:

_Are you out of your mind!!???_

They gulped.

..................................................................................IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIt’s ShowTime-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh boy.


	31. BJ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iiiiiiiits SHOWTIME!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first time writing Beetlejuice. I hope I did him justice.
> 
> Cw: Unwanted touching and calling people babe, etc. Innuendos, probably.

“….Did you really just-!??”

Natsuki gaped.

“….I….probably”, Yoshino admitted.

Sweat beads formed at their hairline.

After all, if they could meet _her_ see _this_ place, run into _this_ guy-

Then…

Would it _honestly_ be so far-fetched to believe-

“-Somebody callin’ for me?”

One arm slung around _their_ shoulder.

Another arm slung around-

“YOWCH!!!”

The infamous Demon himself, iconic stripes and all le _aped a good ten feet into the air!!_

“Huh. Kinky”.

Natsuki blushed a deep tomato.

“Don’t go making things weird-!!”

“Babe, I just call it like I see it”.

-He got a swift kick to the shin.

“OWCH!!”

“Shut up!!”

She was livid-

“You’re such a pervert!”

“All I did was-“

“Uh-Ahem?”

Yoshino poked him.

“We kind-of need you-“

“Oh yeah, baby, you’re the one who summoned me!”

He leaned on her.

“What do you need?”

“……We’re stuck here. Get us out?”

They nudged him upright.

“No please?”

He leaned again.

They nudged him harder, foot poised for the Nutcracker.

“…..Please, and thank you?”

They privately mourned their sweater as his stench soaked in.

“No problem, toots-“

He was bodily yanked away.

“Hey-“

“Excuse me-“

“….Who are you?”

“Doesn’t matter. Who are you?”

“You heard the kid-“

He made a clicking noise with his tongue.

“I’m Beetlejuice. A Demon from the Netherworld…for hire”.

The man found himself suddenly holding a black-and-white striped business card.

“And yes. I can get you out”.

“No, price?”

“Nope-“

“You lie”.

CRACK-

With two fingers, it was ripped in half.

“Aw! I paid good cab fare-“

“What do you truly want?”

“Me?”

Beetlejuice sported a saccharinely-innocent grin.

“Been a while since someone’s had the guts to say my name-I guess you could say I want to visit an old friend”.

“Old friend?”

“He means Lydia Deetz, I think-“

Yoshino grimaced.

What on earth have I done-but, I kinda had to-

“Isn’t she 13?”

Natsuki snickered in surprise.

“You _are_ a pervert!!”

“She’s not 13 now”, he grumbled.

“Well….I don’t know where she is”, they confessed.

“But you’ll help me find out right? Riiiiiiiight-“

“Yeah, yeah, whatever-“

“Nice! I knew you were one of my better customers!!”

He gave them a greasy hug.

They lightened to a pale shade of grey.

The man was unimpressed.

“You were getting us out of here?”

“That’s right, buddy, I was!”

He tried to sling an arm around _him_ , but he moved.

“…………..Alright, let’s get out of here!!”

SNAP-

*

They re-appeared.

"...Where are we?"

Yoshino squinted to see through the shadowy darkness-

"Welcome to my new-old pad".

He flicked the door open with a finger.

It fell off of its hinges, and dissolved into the grass.

"Make yourself at home".

Natsuki winced.

"Do we have to-"

"There must be a way to locate Lydia, here".

He walked right in.

Then again, it _was_ brighter-

"Oh....crud".

She let out a long sigh-

"I hate this-"

"Me too, but it's this or nothing", Yoshino whispered from the side of their mouth.

"You just _had_ to remind me-"

*

They went in.

They didn't die immediately.

"....Stinks..." 

Yoshino tried not to breathe through their nose.

"Whoo...."

Natsuki gagged.

"I see you like my 'eau de sweet plaster'".

"It's terrible".

"-Okay, you gotta give me names, so I can call _this one_ something besides 'Walking-Lentil-Bean-Who's-Taller-Than-Me'".

"......I've never heard that one before-"

"L-like we'd tell you!!" Natsuki sputtered.

"Yeahhh, the only reason I knew yours was because of how infamous you were, and still, are".

"Oh? They love me up there?"

"For some reason", the pink-haired girl huffed.

"Heyyy, nice".

He grinned.

"Don't boost his ego-we'll all die".

"If you keep that up, I'm gonna start callin' you 'Frank'".

"-Look, is there a way to find Lydia here or not?"

Yoshino rubbed their face tiredly.

"There might be".

He motioned them all to a back room.

"See that?"

"A mirror?"

Natsuki poked at it.

"Ah, ah, ah, be careful-"

She elbowed him when he tried to grasp her finger.

"If that cracks on you, you're dead meat".

"Do tell", 'Frank' snarked.

He reached a finger out himself-

CRik

"-?"

"Ooh....Ruler must not like you-"

"What?"

"If ze can sense you've got a not-so-great heart, CRACK you go-"

"...Then how do you know what you know?"

"Care to repeat that?"

"How do you know about Ruler?"

"Figured out I was in trouble from my house, huh?"

"No, you're just infamous".

"Oh".

His grin grew more devilish.

"Watch out. You might die".

*

“I'm gonna be more specific-what does a _mirror_ have to do with Lydia Deetz!?“ Natsuki broke in, more than a little annoyed.

“We can use it to find out where she is”.

“No kidding”, ‘Frank’ affirmed in a sarcastic manner.

“Someone has to go in there”.

"Go in?" Yoshino repeated.

"Yup".

"You _just_ said it might crack-!!"

Sparks flew from her fingertips!

"If I and Franky-boy here went into it".

"Will you stop calling me that?"

"Ugh".

They massaged their temples tiredly.

"Fine, fine-whatever. Let's do it and get it over with, we don't have time to waste".

They swung a leg up and through-

"What the-!??"

It felt like silvery water-

"Easy does it!" B.J. chirped cheerfully.

"You're not a bluejay".

"Spoilsport".

*

Their head emerged into a room so dazzlingly-diamond-like it was almost ridiculous.

"Uh....hello? Lydia?"

They swung in their other leg.

Still grimacing from the odd sensation-

"Anybody here-"

-A mirrored surface lit up golden a ways in front.

"Eh?"

They blinked.

Hopping over to it, Yoshino stared-

Last time they checked, _Beetlejuice_ Lydia didn't have blond hair, _or_ blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 00


	32. Mirror, Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow!
> 
> Cw: Mirrors?

She was speaking to two other people:

Someone in blue.

A tall figure in an old suit of armor, bizarrely enough-

They were in a small antechamber with a dinosaur skeleton mounted on display.

Who are they-?

The temptation to reach a hand through the glass, get their attention-

No, you’ll scare them.

Yet was there really any other way to do it?

‘Finding Lydia’ was their bargain.

They reluctantly curled their fingers into a fist, and tried to tap-

They about sank through.

“-What the h*-!??”

-That was _not_ what they were going for.

Abort-

They withdrew their hand.

‘Only crack if ‘Ruler’ doesn’t like me’, huh?

They turned around trying to think of what _wouldn’t_ terrify them all half to death-

…..

What on earth was that weird, pink flower?

Mounted on the wall, no, wait-

Tulle?

It unfurled.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

.

.

.

.

.

The figure launched at their face-they tumbled back through the glass.

*

“Nice dino”, Alice commented.

“Yeah, I don’t know that one”, Envy admitted.

“Me neither”.

Mystic ran a finger along the toe bone.

“Some kind of tiny raptor?”

She winced.

He couldn’t blame her.

“I’d hope not. This place doesn’t need any more”.

Shifting uncomfortably, the Plant Man tried to juggle hanging onto a shield and a sword at the exact same time.

Should’ve just asked for my clothes back.

….Though knowing them, they’ve probably been ‘lost’ or something-

Wasn’t like anyone in Season 4 had gotten _their_ clothes back, either.

Seriously, what did they do with my-

“-What the h*-!??”

“-What’s wrong!??”

He whipped around, blade pointing smack at a-

Mirror?

“-Huh?”

“I-I saw a hand-“

“A what?”

“A hand”.

“…………”

Walking over to it with mild suspicion, he gently poked the image of his own reflection-

Promptly split by a four foot blur with silver braids!!

“Whoah-!?”

He dropped the sword, and raised both arms to catch them-

“Break it break it-“

“Break what-“

A watery arm shot through the quicksilver.

**Grasping.**

“Oh my God!!” they yelped-

“What the heck!??”

Vines wrapped across the frame, and tore it in half-

SHATTER-

The air rippled with a scream they couldn’t quite hear.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Water oozed into his toes…

The arm was **_gone._**

“….Wh…..what was…..”

He swallowed.

Struggled to speak-

“I have no idea-“

“Are you okay?”

Alice ran up.

“Yes”, he answered finally, “I….think so-?”

“What the h* was that-“ Mystic repeated a third time-

“I don’t know”.

*

“….What’s taking them so long?”

Natsuki frowned, hands on her hips-

Is that the tired soccer mom?

……..Memes aside, she was rather accurate.

Granted he knew nothing about mirror travel aside from the fact that he was, apparently, not welcome in their world.

However-

“Dunno”.

B.J. shrugged.

Helpful.

“You’ve never done it before?”

“No, Frank, I haven’t”.

He frowned.

“You implied you know how this works, and you’ve never been”.

“You act like I don’t use this baby to call people up”.

“Well how was I supposed to have any idea you did that?”

“-Uh, guys? Not exactly the problem here-“

She aimed a finger at their three, staring faces.

"Did something go wrong in there?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know B.J., you tell me".

He grinned, although it was an awkward one.

"I can't take a look, kiddo".

He slid the pad of his thumb along the gold gilding,

_C-rik-_

"..........."

She gave him a dirty look, and slowly neared the mirror.

Gave him another one as she slid a leg in-

"GAH, it's cold-"

"Wild", was his only comment.

She gave him a third dirty look.

Then disappeared inside.

".......If she doesn't come back, we are going to need a new plan".

"Nah, she will", he promised.

"........You don't know that".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun time with mirrors.


	33. Lie, Lie, Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is the real truth of this place?
> 
> Cw: Implied death, blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh boy.

Oh, joy.

Now it was _her_ turn.

I hate this.

The watery feeling hit her like a truck-

I **really** hate this.

She felt her fingers spark automatically.

Hey, hey, easy-!

If she accidentally electrocuted herself.

That would be worse than unfortunate.

....They probably just got lost somewhere.

Took a high step that unintentionally became the slowest flip known to man-

Probably.

….Can I stop spinning like a pinwheel now!?

Geez…

Her heels landed neatly upon the diamond-like floor.

“Excuse me, but where’s Yoshino!??”

…..She waited………..

-Golden light.

Though it looked kinda….faded…..

“….?”

Walking up to the source, nervous sparks crackled over.

…………….

Shattered….mirror….?

…………………………………..

She touched the frame….

-A presence.

-!??

Quickly whipping around, she could _just_ make out a scuttling-away of pink fabric.

“……”

…No way.

Nuh-uh-

I am _not_ gonna do it.

I am _not._

*

-His grip loosened, and they slid to the floor.

-Ow-

"What. the f*. was that?"

-Who are you asking-!??

"I don't know”, the guy turned, panting, “Not exactly. But I think someone was trying to either get out, or get one of us in”.

….Yeah….and yeah?

Seriously….

-What in the hecking heck was that!?????

Their palms sweat, and they wiped them on the front of their leggings-

….What even **_was_** that.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

".........Is she really going to let us go?”

“What?”

A kid in glasses, and another kid in blue.

“…………………..The Collector. I don't know if I trust her necessarily”.

"She doesn't seem too hostile…”

"I guess. But did she say anything....odd? Like before I came here?"

….I don’t know what they’re talking about.

They braced themselves against the broken glass and stood…up…

"Odd as in.....?"

"I dunno. Some chosen one s* or something?"

“-Yeah, actually. She said something like....'The Chosen One is not of Purgatory quite yet.' I can't exactly remember the context”.

….Okay, seriously, what was he supposed to be?

A knight or an elf-

Or both-

They watched think, think, OH CRAP-

"Oh God...."

"Mystic? Are you—?”

What’s got her worked into a-

She ran out.

……Okay then.

The remaining kid looked at him-

“….What’s going on?”

“I don’t know”, she answered, but we’d better go find out-

And _they_ ran.

*

“Holy s*”

The box…had been moved.

The safe had been opened-

"No, it can't be...."

In the door.

**Nine** keys.

She took a closer look-

**_Him._** On the side-

"It....is..."

Her heart began to thump wildly.

The museum had changed from safe, to not in the span of five seconds.

Why hadn’t I realized it before?

-Footsteps.

"Mystic what--?"

Alice saw it, too.

"Why's the box out?"

-She turned on her heel, and sped outside.

One more thing left to check-

"Mystic!"

The Final Four’s path….she re-traced it.

Please don’t let it be there. Please don’t let it be there-

Some other time. Maybe it was some other time-

Dino pit.

Blood, and stained bone-

The statue of Cthulu Squidward himself.

Paper on the ground….

She lifted it from the muck, and-

"'Crimson fires burning bright.

'Cursed god who.....'"

Cursed God.

The chant for the eighth key…had they…been-

One last, last, thing.

She prayed it wouldn’t be-

They _wouldn’t_ be-

Sprinting over a sandy, grassy patch-

Behind a rock….yes.

She was there, alright….!

Pearls, heels, hat.

"No...that couldn't have been...."

Navy-blue, polka-dotted dress.

"Mystic--!"

They’d reached her.

Finally-

“That’s not—“

Alice skidded to a stop.

"Who else could it have--?"

Remains.

“But then that means---"

She struggled to understand-

"She shouldn't be--"

Mystic was shaking-

"So then how--?"

How-

"Wait, in the lounge, did you see--?"

Mortimer.

"In the same pose as when he got stoned”.

I almost missed him-

He’d given her a good jump scare, propped in the corner like that-

Envy had promptly reassured her, ‘it’s okay, he’s not…living…?’

But-

"Oh God...."

….What was-

Wrong?

The Chosen One.

It sounded in her mind on repeat.

"Wait...what are you trying to say?" Envy was confused-

She started power-walking the way back.

They kept pace-

"What are you trying to say!?” he repeated, with far more urgency in his tone-

"The Collector was slain in episode 10, right?"

Alice nodded-

"I saw all nine keys in the locks and the door was open”.

Envy blushed at that-

She'd seen his handiwork....huh....

But…keys?

“The Pandora box was right where Joey had left it when he got sucked in”.

No, that had been moved-

“Mortimer is a statue in the lounge”.

Had he really been there the whole time?

“Excalibur is gone”.

Yes, I think I’m holding it.

“Merlin is gone”.

Yes-

“The Cosmic Sphere is gone”.

No, that had been moved-taken when- _they’d_ left? Right?

“All of this points to us being here after the events of Season 4 Episode 10, so why is she alive? “

….That was a good question.

“Why does she have a statue and a ritual to the Cursed God?”

Another good question-

“Why is Rosanna Pansino's Socialite attire on the ground near the blood pool?"

Maybe because….she’d _died_ there?

……?

Envy didn’t get it.

-!

He **did.**

"So what do we--?"

"We need to find a way out--"

"I'm afraid there will _not_ be a way out”.

Not **_her-_**

He’d **_never_** trusted her.

She had returned, with her army of Egyptians, and that woman with snakes for hair.

"The Cursed God will be satisfied with this compromise”.

Chills ran down his spine at the words-

"You said we could go home!" she cried out in anger-

"I did”.

You ** _lied._**

"But your homes are in exhibits. Especially for you”.

I knew it all along-

She pointed her staff at the center of Mystic’s chest.

_"Chosen one”._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone's about to get stunned-


	34. It Goes Around In A Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The AU intersects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Forced marriage, entrapment.

"Your power is beyond imaginations. He knows this too, and he is on his way”, she went on, as if she _wasn't_ currently threatening to shoot her down with an energy beam.

You'd better be joking.

"You said you weren't friends with the Cursed God!" 

"And we aren't. We are _far_ from friends. But we are _not_ far from business acquaintances”.

Business acquaintances!?

"But why did you open that portal if you wanted us to stay here?"

"If I had forced you to stay, you would have just tried to escape. And I had confidence you _would_ reach for a loophole to stay. Your curiosity is all too apparent. Why would you pass up the chance to explore this place yourself?"

Unfortunately for Mystic, her ‘confidence’ had been spot on.

"What do you want with me? What do you mean 'chosen one'?"

She smiled.

I’m about to f* you over again.

"You are a historic part of the fandom Joey had created. You've bridged the gap between reality and fantasy, and she has _also_ played a part in it”.

Pointing to Alice.

She didn’t show any emotion, but the nervous panic energy began to radiate off of her in waves.

"And this is, after all, a museum of historical things”.

She wasn’t implying-

"You are going to become the star attraction”.

S*.

"But....what does the Cursed God have to do with this?"

"As you know, he wants you too”.

Oh, you have no idea how well I know that, lady.

"But if he had his way, you would live with him and I would have no star to showcase. So he and I have come to a compromise. He is coming in his best attire and a priest. The wedding will take place tonight in the museum, you will stay as a star attraction, and when you relent, he shall come and have you lower the barrier between reality and fantasy. Then you will stay here forever, and he can come and be with you as he wishes”.

…..In another universe, there would have been, and perhaps, there still was-

A certain barrier.

Between this world, and reality.

She’d found another way to lower it, not through force, persuasion, or magical means….but by isolation until **crack.**

"As will the elf and his girlfriend”.

"Oh....we-we're not--"

"Not the time”, Mystic hissed at him-

I'm about to be married to the Cursed God and your biggest concern is how people view your relationship with Alice? 

It was time to make a plan, and quickly.

"Can I at least have other people at the wedding? I mean, if I'm going to be trapped here forever, I feel like I should at _least_ be able to spend time with others before I do”.

Pondering for a while, she came up with:

".....I suppose that would not hurt”.

"Can a few of them be those who have had first or second deaths?"

"It takes a lot of effort to resurrect those once dead, let alone twice, however if it means you shall be more cooperative, then I shall. Who do you wish to have at the wedding?"

_Think._ A mix of definite escape artists and just those who were there to party. In order to throw off suspicion, that would be necessary. I.E. **no** Jael and Ryu.

Also, two risks.

One corrupted, one not-

The Collector was mortal enemies with one of them, in fact, but if a promise could be gotten not to do any harm-

….Better to leave it for later, though….just in case.

Let's just hope I don't f* this up.

She crossed her fingers, and opened her mouth………………………..

*

"Come on Yoshino...."

Natsuki stepped back, hands on her hips.

She'd felt along that broken border, even outright _removed_ the mirror from the wall.

At least-

She'd **_tried-_**

But it'd refused to budge.

........................................................................

"Ugh...."

She sighed.

"Hey Ruler!!"

Pitched her voice so she'd get maximum _echo-_

"Your glass is cracked!!!"

..................................................................................................................................

"Can't exactly find them like this-!!!"

Just shy of tapping her foot, she waited for something to happen.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................

The frame shivered.

"Eh-"

Golden light fought to overcome its dimness-

Okay....what the heck is going on now-

It exploded in a shower of golden sparks.

"Whoah-!??"

She covered her head with her arms-!???

When the glare faded, there was only a deep, dark hole.

".............Uh?"

Is that....

"This better not be Oblivion again!! Or wherever I was last-"

No sign.

No sound.

".........Do you even exist?"

She rolled her eyes, and went up to the patch of pure doom.

"I don't know....."

*

Sticking her head in, she was struck by the **pure** cold-

"...."

Chills skittered down her spine.

"Hello?"

The shadows swallowed her voice up, until it was completely smothered.

".....Okay then...."

She slid one leg in through the gap, then the other.

"-!!"

Gravity yanked her body downward-

Her fingers white-knuckled in a last-ditch effort to keep herself from falling-

"......hhhh".

She could've done without the near-death experience.

Not like it's my first...

But there was nowhere else to stand.

Nowhere else to turn.

Heart jamming into her throat, she-

**Let go.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vacuum.


	35. Uninvited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gate-crashers in-coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Fantasy violence. BJ being a creep.

BJ leaned against a wall.

“…………..”

Seconds ticked by.

…………………………………………………

Then minutes.

……………………………………………………………………….

“Shoulda just snapped to her”.

“…..You come up with this now”.

“Yup!”

The demon grinned-

He stayed at frowning.

“Oh come on, lighten up a little!

Sure beats being stuck in an empty house, in the dark, right?”

“……This isn’t much different”.

“-Well-…..yeah, okay, but, still!”

“……………………………………………..”

“Don’t look at me like that”.

“….Do the snapping”.

“Technically, you didn’t summon me, _and_ you’re not a cute femme-“

His glare could’ve stopped a heart.

“-Anyway, it’s worth trying”.

He raised his two fingers, and——

*

Okay.

_Okay-_

Yoshino gulped down a breath, and….

And….where did they go.

Gotta find them.

Just find them, and get through the next mirror that hopefully _isn’_ t being stalked by some prom-dress wearing creepy.

...They peeled off the wall.

Rubbing their arms, they hesitantly left the room….

Whoah.

Columns everywhere…the sky was stinking green.

Dinosaur bones were displayed everywhere…

This was so weird….

Where the heck did I end up.

Shaking their head, they stepped outside-

Foot steps.

Oh _crap-_

They hopped over a low railing, and crawled into the bushes……….

“I believe they went this way”.

“…………”

Hisssss-

Peeking their head out juuuuuust a tiny bit-

……Who the heck was that.

In blood-red-

With an army of golden-eyed Egyptians marching in synch?

-!??

Medusa had gotten legs, and a finer costume.

Do NOT get spotted.

This crew could gut them like a fish if they had a reason to….

Seriously, do _NOT._

*

“Found it”.

Monika clicked-

“-What does it show”.

Kerrie was leering by her shoulder in an instant.

“I don’t know. Why don’t we see”.

‘PLAY’

The crystal lay on the ground.

Looking remarkably ordinary without the Special Effects CGI kicking in….

It disappeared with a puff of green smoke.

‘STOP’

“No way!!”

The clown was flabbergasted-

“That’s-that’s the _boss’s_ magic-!?”

“The boss, took Joey’s crystal?”

Monika frowned.

“Who’s your boss-“

“The Cursed God!!”

“The guy who-“

_Hated_ the Collector?

And the feeling was mutual?

“………This needs further investigation”.

“Just leave it to me-“ Kerrie quipped.

“You know how to get to him?”

“I do, Moni”.

“Don’t call me Moni”.

She let out a sigh.

“Still, I guess I’ll wish you good luck…”

Kerrie winked.

And then vanished.

*

They appeared in the middle of a battle scene.

Right next to-

“Wh-who are you!??”

“Name’s...does 'IIIIIIIT'S SHOWTIMEEEEE' ring a bell? And you, are Lydia?”

“Uh, excuse me-“

“You got what you wanted”.

“I did, yeah….”

The Plant Man sputtered.

“Y-you guys don’t exactly have the best timing-“

“I would say that you don’t”.

The Collector leveled her staff again, and BJ suddenly began jittering in place.

“Oh-h-h-h-h-this f-f-f-f-f-f-feels w-w-w-weird-“

His eyes rolled in the back of his head.

“No, stop!!”

Mystic shouted to be heard above the zaps.

_“Stop-!!!“_

-She did.

Amusingly enough-

Beetlejuice groaned, and swayed….

Alice stood there, frozen.

Non-literally.

“Thank you”.

“……..They will ruin your wedding”.

“Wedding”.

It would’ve been a question, but it wasn’t.

“No they won’t”.

“That’s bold of you to assume-“

BJ grinned a painful grin, and then keeled over.

“………………Really?”

“Look, you”, she whispered under her breath, “It’s either play along, or end up in her exhibits”.

“…..”

He gave her the side-eye.

One world to the next, and _this_ was new…

“I can stone him if you would like”, the Medusa offered.

“No-well….”

Mystic gave him the side-eye back.

“……I have no idea who this guy is-“

"Stone me, and you will regret it".

-The Collector slammed the butt of her staff into the ground.

Cracks emanated from the epicenter, and spread under his feet.

The shockwave smacked into his chest.

Knocking him _flat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh.


	36. Pirate Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to woo some potential allies?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Justification, sexy talk, though tame. Drunkenness.

Ow-

He carefully sat up, visions making their mind as to whether they wanted to stay blurred or not-

Should have just reached with my sword.

"What the h*?!?!”

"He was insubordinate”.

-And what were they talking about exactly?

Summoning barely enough strength to stand, he saw BJ face-first in the ground.

…..So was he alive or not?

"He doesn't have to listen to you. He's not one of your exhibits”.

"Silence! Another word out of your mouth against me, and _none_ of your friends will be coming to the wedding”.

While the two of them argued, he debated feeling for the other man’s pulse.

"The Bridal Suite shall be in a secret room. Once they have arrived, I shall send your bridesmaids there”.

"Even her?"

Even who.

"Even her, provided she does not do anything to harm anyone”.

….Well he was lost-

Wait-can we also hang out in the Caribbean Exhibit please? I wanted to see it, but I didn't get the chance”.

"That is your own fault”.

"I mean, I'm gonna be stuck here in a glass case. Couldn't I at least see more of it?"

"Very well. You will be allowed to explore at your leisure _until_ it is time to get ready for the wedding. You have three hours”.

-Would three hours be enough to wake up the demon dead weight?

"And you also promised you would bring..... _her_ too?"

"If it will keep the elf man at ease, then yes”.

Mr. Envy was the embodiment of confusion.

"Now if you wish to explore, you must go. I shall have my staff begin decorating, and I will summon the guests and bridesmaids”.

…..If there was even a guests list, he’d seemed to have missed it.

They seemed to have missed _him_ right back.

*

They had to walk past the exhibit of old statues, and what looked like some labyrinth.

Then they had to double-back five times to avoid people setting up decor and whatnot-

"There it is”.

Mystic stopped them in front of a squarish window in a hallway that seemed to be ripped straight from the belly of a ship.

"Hello, hello, hello”, she smirked on her tip-toes, “I'd like to steal some of _her_ booty”.

"Really?"

Envy was _not_ having this nonsense.

Not _now-!!_

He pulled on the back of her dress, and into a group huddle.

"You have 3 hours, 3 hours to do _whatever_ you want, and _this_ is what you wanna do? You wanna flirt with an exhibit? What about a plan of escape?"

Never in a million years, had he ever felt that disgusted in his life.

"I've made arrangements for that”.

Oh yeah? Like _what-_

"And I'm not just flirting with them. I'm gonna try to seduce them into helping us”.

“You? Seduce?”

He felt the flush stain his skin.

"D-do I really have to come in with you?"

"I'll need all the help I can get to convince them. For now, I'm just glad they got back to their exhibits in time”.

This is a bad plan-!

"But how are they gonna help us?” Alice asked-

"And more importantly, _will_ they help us?"

"If I can seduce them---"

_Why are we seducing people!?_

"Oy!"

They turned, and there were the pirate lovers(?) themse-

!?

"I-is it you?"

Ivy-

"What are ye doin' out here?"

She held her cutlass to Mystic’s throat-

"You know, there's something so......arousing about a woman who could kill you right then and there”.

The cheesiest pick-up line in existence.

Envy had the urge to pretend he didn’t know her.

"See we got one who thinks she can turn the charm on and bring me to me knees”.

"You turned me on, love. _Prrrr-“_

Cat claws.

He felt his face burn darker-

What. _Is she doing!??_

"How cute. Ye really think you can play seductive?"

She giggled.

_Giggled!_

Your plan is crashing _and_ burning-

The smile disappeared.

Uh-oh-

"I'm not that easily impressed, ye know?"

…..Compared to who? Bleary-eyed John Doe over there!?

"Darlin', you doin' alright?" 

-Speaking of whom, sounded absolutely drunk out of his mind.

"Got a coupla stragglers who have a death wish”.

"Bring 'em in!"

"Wait! We really need your help!”, Mystic tried to salvage too late-

"Please let me explain--"

Not-Ivy yanked her through the wall.

“Hey-“

They stole Alice right after, only inches from his fingertips-

“Give them back!!”

His stomach flew right to his throat-

Somebody’s arms grabbed him from behind, and he swallowed a startled exclamation!!

*

The guy unsheathed his sword, and she panicked then and there.

"Ye need our help?"

He swayed unevenly-

"I think what ye really need is a lesson.....in givin' people privacy. And that lesson......is **death!"**

-She whispered in her ear: "Alice, try to distract Rorik”.

“How?”

"I dunno? Flirt with him, I guess”.

"........"

Hahahahahahahaha-

She could feel her face flame up-

"You do realize that that would end in absolute failure. I have as much experience with flirting as a preschooler, aka none”.

"Maybe they'll find that funny”.

"Yeah, they really seem like they have a sense of humor”.

"Being intoxicated makes everything funnier, even death”.

"You really want to risk it?"

"If it'll buy us time”.

"There's gotta be another way”.

"Do you have any other ideas?"

"No, but I really don't want to do this”.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, Alice”.

"No! I'm not---"

"Oy!” he interrupted, “Quit conspirin'!"

"W-we're not conspiring anything”, Alice stuttered, “We were just talking about........"

What.

She trailed…

"We were just talking about....how sexy you look with that beard”.

WHAAATTT!?

She side-eyed with disbelief.

_She_ looked nonchalant, and he, wide-eyed.

"....My beard? You think it makes me look.....sexy?"

"Oh yeah! 100%! Right, Alice?"

"Yeah....Really....handsome”.

He cracked a smile, and she wondered if her own wobbly smile, _plus_ the humiliation, was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHAHAHA-


	37. We Need Holy Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ungodly flirting, the second half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: More sexy talk, virgin and weight shaming. The word 'wench' is thrown around-Gore and guts and death.

“Wh-who are you!??”

“-No, I am not a ghost”.

Envy squinted to see-

“You’re-“

“I don’t know what’s going on. I got smashed through a mirror”.

“Wait, what?”

“That’s not important right now”.

“What do you mean-“

Two seconds later, he got dragged in by the back of his armor straps.

“…….”

*

"Really?"

Alice strained to maintain composure as the pirate leered in close.

"Please go on about.....my sexy beard”.

"Oh yeah. It's just so.......bushy and.....unkempt. It's....it's really.....arousing. I...I have....dreams about those kinds of beards all the time. Same with that hair. I'm just....getting so turned on right now by how....greasy and.....slick it looks”.

The Plant Man stared at Jezebel in shocked silence, and then mentally scrubbed out his brain at Mystic’s…improv.

If you could even call it that-

"And, uh, what about....what about your abs? Can I see those?"

Ew…

"Well, I mean, darlin', you think that'd be alright?"

He chuckled slightly.

"I mean, if they're gonna die, they might as well get a little action before they do. Pity they're gonna die virgins”.

Ew, why-

He was already cringing, and the shirt hadn’t even come off yet.

"Yer sure they're virgins?"

-His mind blanked.

"Am I sure?" 

Her laughter was obnoxiously obnoxious.

"He looks like a tall version of one of the wimpy cabin boys, she looks like one a the goody two-shoe colonial girls, and so does this one. Just from a richer family”.

Himself, Alice, Mystic.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she _was_ from a rich family”, the boyfriend snorted, “Look at how round and pale she is. Pity she won't be getting married off. A good man'd make a good wife outta her”.

He would’ve stabbed the guy if Captain Disgusting hadn’t been poised to stab them first.

"Ye sure she ain't a vampire?"

"Pretty large fer a vampire, if ye ask me”.

Who _asked_ you!??

_This_ lady looked like a carbon copy of his sister!?

What an embarrassment!

"Oh! I just love the way you talk--"

"Shhhhhhh......"

Not-Ivy put a finger to her lips-

"Ye ain't foolin' anyone, love. Ye got as much experience as a drunk fledgling”.

It was a whisper, and he still caught it.

"But....out of the goodness of my black heart”, the Disgusting Guy sounded off, “Before I kill ye, I'll show off my abs fer ye”.

_Please,_ don’t.

"Actually, can I make out with her instead?"

Not-Ivy remained indifferent while he sweat a blue streak.

Alice looked calm which meant she wasn’t calm-

The idiot turned red with rage.

"You wanna say that again, wench?”

He’d put away his sword-thing only to pin it to her neck.

"I-I-"

"I was gonna give ye the luxury of seein' my abs before ye walk the plank, and instead ye wanna make out with my fiancée! Care te explain yerself?"

Not-Ivy could’ve done _so_ much better-

But this wasn’t the time for that.

"Well, you see.....the thing is.....the thing is that---"

Hurry! Come up with an explanation before you die-!!

"The fing is---"

The door opened, slamming into the wall with the strength of someone’s kick.

Could it be-!??

He did a double-take.

"----Love don't speak 'etero”.

Ivy.

Looking like Not-Ivy’s identical twin-

She smacked the doppelgänger into the wall, and drew the blade across her throat.

Blood showered onto the floor-

Her lover (yuck, he hated even _thinking_ of it-) charged with a guttural yell-

-Her sword ran through his intestines.

He stopped **cold.**

Prying him off with her boot, the entrails squicking Envy right out-

She flicked residue off then kissed Mystic on the mouth.

For like, ten minutes.

"An' neivver do I”.

*

....Didn't that figure.

Something went right, something went wrong.

..........

He peeked in the window.

_Just_ in time to hear some sort of unfathomable nonsense spill from one of their mouths.

He would've scoffed, if he hadn't been _immediately_ pinned to the wood-

"Hold your horses, it's not me-"

"Tha' love in there?"

"-Who's the problem", he sighed.

"Who else would say something so utterly stupid".

"Tha's my girlfriend you're insultin'!"

"Your girlfriend needs astronomically better pick-up lines".

She glared at him.

"Who are yeh, BJ!?"

"Not everyone with green stripes is automatically Beetlejuice".

"Where is 'e, then? 'Cause I think 'e wants 'is pants back".

"How very creative", he snarked.

"Your girlfriend is about to die-"

"Like _*ll_ she is!!"

She outright smashed through the door.

.....About time.

Still.

They're as hot as a mess as they ever were.

*

Yoshino was halfway to the dinosaur pit when they saw _them_ on the return trip.

Crap-

They ducked into an old cave-hut-thing, and huddled.

Arms around their knees, stark _terrified._

Some had been walking, and one had been flung over a shoulder.

What the heck is going on here.

Kinda wished they knew.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When all travel noises had safely disappeared, they crawled out of hiding-

Into a jump scare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ew ew ew.


	38. Take Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events move, people move-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Being jumped, falling, vertigo.

Green, glowing orbs.

They would’ve screamed if their lungs hadn’t quit.

Whatever the shadowy thing was, they couldn’t understand a single word.

-They scrambled out as fast as they could-

Arms flung around them, nails having been warped to sharp knives.

Yoshino thrust their heel into their face.

An agonized howl rent the air-

The fingers dug into their sides, but they didn’t care-

They planted a toe into their attacker’s throat next, and they gasped.

Scratching at the grip, yet not wanting to be caught by those other nasties, also-

A bunch of what they assumed were curse words were emitted into the air when their heel crunched into what they hoped was the other’s groin.

The grip loosened on pure reflex.

Come on, let go-!!!

Lunging for the ground, they scooped up a large rock, and catapulted it-

**THUNK!**

The creature-human-whatever, they hunched to the ground.

.....

They wriggled free of those once-grasping hands, and booked it to the giant house.

*

“Missed yeh love”, Ivy said, smiling as she pulled away.

“I missed you too…” Mystic breathed.

“You came in just the nick of time”, Envy shuddered.

“Yeah, I saw”.

“We’re really glad you’re here”, Alice sighed with relief.

“Thank yeh”.

She nodded to the door.

“Let’s get out of this sorry place”.

-He was still standing there.

Waiting for them.

“Yeh ‘aven’t moved on by now!?”

She held her cutlass protectively between him, her, and everyone else.

“Depends? Do I have your attention now?”

“-Who are you talking to?” Mystic asked.

“Some weirdo claimin’ ‘e ain’t BJ”.

“What?”

She squinted.

“Oh my God, they’re not a ghost-“

“I told you I’m not”.

Green eyes flickered red.

“Then who are yeh?

An’ why are yeh lurkin’ ‘ere-“

“Because I know that your…brother?

Can get you all out”.

Envy blinked at him.

“You mean-“

“You’re not the type to forget it, are you?”

He bristled.

“H-hey!”

“Don’ pick on ‘im”.

“Are you?”

“Does he mean…” Alice wondered-

“Yeah, I think he does”.

Envy snapped his forefinger and his thumb-

Greenish sparks bloomed in the air.

“I can open a portal to the Dream World. That’s what he means”.

*

Natsuki fell through space.

The emptiness making her dizzy-

Lose all sense of direction.

Every thought in her head scattered to the nonexistent four winds and back-

How long could no feeling go on?

.

Her head fuzzed out.

*

…………?

Light zoomed past her tired eyes.

Camera stills and screenshots of some blue-glowing gem-

-!

Monika looked up just in time to see the pink-auraed girl crash none-too-delicately into her arms!!

*

“Open a portal?”

Alice was curiously interested.

“You can do that?”

Envy blushed a little.

“Y-yeah….if I concentrate-“

"Can you do it now-"

"Wait".

Mystic was concerned.

"If we just disappear, the Collector will know something's up".

"I know somewhere you can put her that she will never escape from-not on her own".

Their...what was he, an ally? An enemy? In-between?

That was what he had to say-

"And that place is?"

"Sayori's deleted house".

"And how do you-"

"A few others and I ended up there by some odd coincidence. Your friend wanted to see Lydia in exchange, assuming he ever awakens-"

"BJ?"

"That's the one".

".......You are aware I have my own plan, right?"

"All you rattled off was a telepathic guest list".

"With people who can help us sprinkled throughout".

"Mmhm. Well there's only one here now".

"The Cursed God is supposed to arrive too, did you hear that?"

"Wherever you go, he follows, it was a given".

Handwave.

"Some coding won't hold either of them-"

"Do you know that?"

"No. I think you want Envy to do something else!"

"-Wait, do you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Online classes start tomorrow.


	39. Kerrie In The Household, Pt. 2: Cursed Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where's BJ, and what's she up to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Blood, severe injury. Lucy.

“If BJ stays under in a coma, I was considering your power as an alternative, yes”.

“An alternative to what?”

The Plant Man raised an eyebrow-

“An alternative to getting everyone back to where they’re supposed to”.

He rubbed his temple.

“Why’d you get dumped there in the first place?” Mystic said frankly.

“If people can’t escape then maybe it’s for a good reason?”

“If it were for a good reason then why exile Sayori’s bedroom there at all?”

“…..You do have a point”.

“So what are we doing?” Alice aimed at them both-

Envy let out a breath.

“First of all, where is…BJ…?”

“They stuck him with a bunch of carnival rejects”.

He quirked a hand for them to follow-

“'ow do we know yeh’re not workin' wif' _them_ to catch us in the act?” Ivy quickly took the chance to-

This time, he _did_ scoff.

“I don’t betray”.

*

They’d set up a makeshift bed.

She hadn’t hurt him-

Just as she’d promised.

However.

The big, iron ring connected to his ankle, and gleaming with golden runes was connected to a chain that ran to the headboard.

“Oh geez…”

His ribs had been wrapped with gauze, and his arm was cranked the wrong way.

Blood, or an undead version of it, at least, had dripped down his forehead-

“That looks bad…” Alice fretted-

“He already was in stun from her staff”, their ‘guide’ confirmed grimly.

Mystic sobered.

“This is why we can’t underestimate either one of them”.

“-Uh, is this-?”

Envy nervously eyed the cases around them-

Sam, Lucy, High Tower, a blue harpie, one of the male vampires whose name he couldn’t remember, even Benjamin’s tall frame fit neatly inside a glass box.

The Carnival Master, too-

“Bloody *ll”, Ivy swore.

“Yeah, those are the people-monsters she brought back in the last episode…”

Alice watched them uneasily.

“How can she do something so powerful-“

He felt chills rush down his spine.

“There’s a reason she and the Cursed God are enemy-rival-whatever-you-want-to-call-it”.

“This isn’t gonna be yeh, love”, the pirate woman promised.

“I don’t this to be you, either”.

“-If you’re done with affirmations, have any next moves?”

Unlike the other pairs of green eyes in the room, this one held a guard up so high-

Alice tilted her head.

He looked familiar.

*

The Cursed God was just innocently enjoying his ground coffee when-

"Hi boss!!"

A hyper-active blur of blue, purple, black, and red swooshed into the seat next to him.

"Kerrie".

He took one loooooong swig.

"You're alive".

"Yup!"

She grinned her Joker's smile-

"...Thought that.... _woman_..."

He sneered.

"Had run off with you as well as _anyone else_ I had ever employed".

"Nope!"

Her grin grew wider.

"........."

He noticed.

"....Kerrie?"

"Yeah, boss?"

"What do you want?"

"Aww, you could tell?"

She clapped a hand to her cheek-

"Don't dither around".

"Spoilsport".

Her expression collapsed into a fake pout.

"What. Do you want".

".....How come you helped that Collector lady whom you hate so much back to life?"

.............He stared at her.

"What?"

Lashes blinked 'cluelessly'.

"She can aid me in gaining Mystic's favor- _Lydia's_ favor-"

"Ohhh".

It clicked.

"Buuuuuut-"

"But what".

"How'd you know she'd end up with her eventually, boss?"

He regarded her with soulless eyes.

"-Somehow, she trusts her more than me".

"You _have_ been stalking her for more than a year now-"

"Season 4 should have dampened her interest, but it _didn't_ -"

"All people like a little mystery".

"There's plenty mystery about me".

"Not anymore there ain't! Your 'mystery's' been overtaken by headcanons".

He huffed out a steam ring.

"Seriously?"

"Yes".

-He wanted to bang his head on the counter.

"You are no good at comfort".

"I just tell it like it is, boss".

She leaned, until the chair legs were on their barest tippy-toes, arms linked carefree-wise behind her head.

"Aren't you worried she'll sabotage?"

"She wants out even more than I do".

"Oh really?"

Kerrie leaned forward.

**_THUUUNKKK-_ **

"You're going to make holes in my floor!!"

"Why would she want out more than you?"

Hands splayed on the counter-

"Because she'll be able to collect...any-every...thing.... she wants that way".

He sniffed.

"Pretentious-"

"Think she's got any weaknesses?"

"Joey killed her with Excalibur, once. I wouldn't be surprised if that old sword's still got it".

"Oooooh".

"Kerrie?"

"Hm?"

"Are you getting...ideas?"

"Who, me?"

She grinned that smile again.

"I _never_ get any ideas".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frenemies = CG + Coll.


	40. Just Kerrie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki's here to...do something different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Suicide mention, toxic friendship discussed, emotional manipulation/abuse, physical slap. Potential for a God complex if not outright stated.

“-Hey Moni, I figured out how to kill her!!”

Kerrie whooshed into the ethernet in a happy-cited frenzy-

“Gee, Moni, I didn’t know you had a girlfri-“

“She is NOT my girlfriend!!”

“-Eh?”

Natsuki’s eyes fought to stay open as the impact caught up with her.

“I-I am-not-!!”

She sparked-

“Ahh!?”

Monika let go!?

Her shoes hit the ground before she did-

She spun.

“You!!”

Her fists clenched.

“I have questions for you-!!!”

“Where’d she come from?” the blurple-haired Joker continued on-

“I don’t know, she just fell-“

“Tryin’ to cheat on Mystic, are you-“

“NO!”

“-What in the world are you two monkeys talking about!!??”

She was seeing pink.

“What did you do!??”

“-You aren’t supposed to even be here”.

Her ‘friend’ turned to face her.

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out after you dumped me in cyberspace!!!”

“I had to get to the player somehow-“

“You can say what you want, but I saw what you did to Sayori’s house, and although I don’t know _what_ you did to her exactly-“

She was really seeing it-

“None of anything that comes out of your mouth now is going to make up for it!!!!”

Kerrie whistled low.

“The Reason You Su-“

Monika glared at her.

Kerrie looked off to the side innocently-

“I ought to zap you first foremost-!!”

“Since when can you zap at all?”

“Don’t ask me! I just started doing it randomly!!”

“What kind of an explanation is that!?”

“It’s the truth! Not like you would know what _that_ is-“

Kerrie reached behind her and withdrew a full pack of freshly-made popcorn.

And munched.

Natsuki’s palms blazed.

“You need to fix this!”

“Why would I listen to you?”

Rather than getting angry, she just seemed…mildly annoyed.

“Weren’t you the one always starting fights?”

“You were the one always messing up my collection!”

“And you were always the one shading on everyone else”.

She folded her arms.

“If I kicked you out of the program it was probably for everyone else’s own benefit, too”.

“You and your stupid bullcrap can go jump off a bridge!!”

Kerrie choked.

“Well? Am I wrong?”

“Yes! You are. And I know it-“

She fumbled for words, frustrated.

“Even if I can’t prove it”.

Electricity crackled through her veins-

“Why would anyone love you anyway? You’re just a manipulator”.

“Why wouldn’t they?”

So matter-of-fact-

“Yuri was just…insane. And you, you’re too abrasive. Everyone can see it-“

“Yeah? Yuri had her faults, but she was still my friend-“

“Yuri’s ‘faults’ creeped the poor player out”.

“Even if I’m abrasive, at least I’m not erasing people! At least I’m honest with myself, unlike you!!”

“Sayori would’ve never believed it anyway. I was doing her a favor”.

“Sayori was kind! She should’ve been remembered, not forgotten!”

“You don’t understand-but you don’t know, do you?”

“Like what?”

“She killed herself”.

“. . . . . .”

Kerrie’s brain went: Oh s*.

.

.

.

Natsuki's knees wobbled.

"W........what......"

"Do you understand now?"

Monika's voice filled the silence.

"Do you understand why I had to erase her?"

"........................................."

"I had to do that to Yuri, too".

"..................................................................."

But-

"Why did you erase me".

Her heart ached-shot-

"I didn't do _anything_ to you _or_ anyone else......I just........I ran-"

Monika stood there.

"ALL I DID WAS RUN!!"

A haze began to cloud her vision.

"I'm the one part of your alibi you can't explain away".

Rose-tinted.

"Even if you act like you can't recall _exactly_ what I did to 'upset' everyone or whatever-"

Her shoulders began to shake.

"I remember it all perfectly!! It wasn't like you said!"

"......How do you know you aren't wrong?"

"Because apparently _your_ heart doesn't know how to break!!!"

The echo broke into static.

"It's.... _painful......_ you can't forget that!!!!!"

"How do you know it didn't break due to anything else?"

"Because......"

Yoshino's words floated back to her....

"Because it's just a game....nothing else _could_ break it-"

"-What did you say!?"

"That's right".

Natsuki raised her head.

"I know it's a game. Just like you".

"..."

"......."

Tears were running down her cheeks-

"And I know the Player's never gonna want to be with me, either-"

"....You like the MC, not the Player".

She shrugged.

"Same, difference.

They'll always like Sayori or Yuri over the both of us, and there's no denying it.

Thing is, I'm fine with that.

I'm not willing to lose myself, like you are".

"I'm not lost".

"Then what are you?"

She was genuinely confused.

"Because not only do we both have no game to go back to, you're got some clown over your shoulder _eating popcorn_ while we both lose our minds".

"She's just a partner".

"You want a partner who pushes you to go after people who aren't interested in you?"

"But if I could _make_ them interested, what's the problem?"

".....It'll either be fear-love, or..."

She gulps.

"What do you mean by 'make'?"

"I have enough programs to change them into their best selves".

".....They're not programs...oh God-"

Natsuki's hand went to her mouth.

"Is that-what-you did-to us-"

"...Just a little...only.....I may have messed up slightly. A couple times-"

_"Two people are **dead** because of your 'mistakes'!!"_

The shout stripped her vocal chords-

"Am I next? Are you going to _make_ me die too!?"

"No, I just erased you, that won't happen-"

"What if the Player died? Because you _meddled-"_

"Don't be stupid. Three times the charm, right?"

She spread her arms wide.

"It's not like they _could_ die. I'd lock them in with me forever-"

Natsuki marched over and slapped her across the face.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Monika coughed blood into her palm-

..............

Her skin singed.

...

"....How many peoples' lives did you ruin?"

"....It was just tiny things..."

"Did they even know what you'd done!?"

"No".

"....................!"

Natsuki was _horrified._

"Are you really the same person we looked up to all these years?

You sound like a virus".

"Virus' aren't generally well-liked".

"I don't like you _anymore-"_

"-What is the point of all of this?"

"You don't love the Player. You love their Perfected Avatar".

"They wouldn't be unhappy-"

"It's tantamount to loving a doll, an attentive.

Lifeless.

**Doll".**

"....."

"And if you don't think you can see an argument against it, then why don't I just hack _you_ and see how _you_ like it-push _you_ to the extremes until you implode just like **_them_** , 'cause _I_ know 'little things' aren't gonna cut it for your precious 'Player'-"

"You don't know how-"

"Actually, it's very simple".

Her arms glowed fluorescent.

"All I have to do is shock the daylights out of you-"

"Hey now-", Kerrie protested.

"-And if you try to program them out of me", she pitched above her, "I'll just zap you _anyway_ ".

"Not on my watch!"

Kerrie was at her side instantly--------

She flew ten feet into the far wall.

"Do you _really_ care about what happens to Monika? Or are you just in it because Mystic is?"

"I can shut off that power, you know".

"Then do it. Be the Toxic Friend you are and shut me down".

Natsuki's pink vision had started to bleed over.

"You may think you're invincible, but you haven't won over everyone.

And even if you force it, you'll never convince _me"._

"You act like I _can't_ make you".

"Are you kidding?"

She grinned sadly.

"Who said I'd be alive to let you".

Monika blinked.

"What?"

Kerrie snarled.

"There's no way I'd let you get away with it".

Natsuki shook her head.

"You can't hurt or help me if I don't believe in you".

The data became slooooowly enveloped in pinkish light.........................

The giant surveillance screen cracked with a thunderous BANG!!!!

Kerrie winced.

"Absolutely not!!"

Her eyes glowed in swirly spirals, and the pink wavered-

She kept smiling.

She just kept smiling, ignoring the clown's efforts to reassert control.

"Monika-"

"What the heck is this?"

"Monika".

"...What".

"......I once accidentally pulled somebody in. I think I....could pull us out...."

She extended an outstretched hand.

"How are you doing that!?" Kerrie shrieked in the background-

"You could be yourself for once without having to resort to all of this crap".

"But...the Player-"

"Just let it go".

Monika looked back to the deteriorating 'world' around her-

"Not again...."

"It's better this way".

She gave her a strange look.

"What's out there that's worth giving up all this?"

"More than five people to talk to, for one thing-you'd get your own route and it'd last forever-"

"....My own route?"

"Yeah".

The light was nearly overwhelmingly bright-

1's and 0's fading fast.

Kerrie tried to yell something, but it went in one ear and out the other.

"And you'd _have_ forever to find somebody who loves you back".

"Huh..."

"Just let it go, Monika".

Natsuki pointed over her shoulder.

"Do you really want to end up like her?"

On the verge of poofing out to who-knew-where, the clown's make-up had _melted._

If one didn't know better, they would have assumed-

"......."

Monika appeared to be contemplating...

At least....

I hope she is.

*

I took her hand.

"What the-!???"

Kerrie screeched-

I felt vulture claws dig into my leg.

"No! You can't leave without me-!!!!"

If there was any more life in those eyes, it had died ages ago.

-I pushed-

"Let go!!"

"You **_can't_** go!!!!"

Her pretty costume was peeling away.

"We're a **TEAMMM!!!!"**

"......No".

I didn't....

"We're not a team.....everything you told me was wrong".

I don't.....

"Two people are dead".

"Yeah".

"I didn't kill them-"

"Yeah-"

"I **_made_** them kill themselves".

"......Yeah".

"-And you still think....the Player is going to _love_ me-"

"Why wouldn't they?"

Her grin was a parody of its usual self.

"You'll just make it better with a little programming, right?"

"....You don't get it".

I'd almost forgotten-

"I'm ** _not_** good at programming to extremes".

Neither of those deaths were _supposed_ to happen.

"They're going to die".

They **_still_** did-

"Natsuki came back".

"Because I didn't go as far as I _could've_ ".

-I clunked her in the bleeding-red lips.

"Go put _that_ on your resumé!"

She grimaced, and vanished into the pink.

.........................................................................................

Natsuki's fingers clung tightly to mine.

"....Hahahahaha-"

She drew in a shaky breath.

"-I was _so_ scared you wouldn't do it-or that you'd only go for the 'route' thing".

"......How did you know I would?"

"....I didn't".

She laughed again.

"But I had to try".

I swallowed-

"......."

I think I squeezed _her_ hand to oblivion while we soared up into the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monika signing off <3


	41. Mr. Mysterious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: None, I don't think?

"Yeah. I've got a next move. Prove yourself."

“…………………………………………………I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me. Prove yourself. Prove to us that we can trust you because I don't know if we can or if we should”.

…You have doubts?

….Understandable-

"What do you mean?"

"How the h* did you manage to end up in Sayori's deleted bedroom?"

"I already told you-"

"No, I mean _how?_ There's only one person who has access to any of the deleted Doki Doki files. And right now I'm trying to avoid said person. So there was no way you would have been able to get inside unless she let you in”.

Well now, that didn’t make sense.

Because she wasn’t the reason.

"That's what I thought. Unless you can prove otherwise-"

-Oh? Did I do something to make you suspicious?

Because I am pretty certain I did not.

"I'm not with--!"

"Then prove it! Your words mean s* if you can't back them up with action”.

"I don't know how to prove it to you--!"

"Then figure it out”.

She ran off.

Like she always did.

"Mystic!"

"Love!"

You’re both a mili-second too slow.

Ivy, he believed it was, whispered something to Alice:

“I’ll go talk teh ‘er”.

She nodded-

And that was the end of that.

…

Or was it?

“….You think I look familiar”.

“-Huh?”

She stared at him like a deer in headlights.

“Do you?”

“Uh-“

She shrank slightly.

“Yeah….”

“From where?”

“Like…someone related to-“

“Wait, what?”

Envy looked from one of them to the other.

“You know him?”

“I think so? I think-“

She looked down.

“Are you…one of C.P.’s brothers?”

“-You are correct”.

He blinked.

Mind processing….

“Wait, what-“

“It’s a long story that you do not want to get into”.

Mild irritation at just the idea.

“So you know then.

You know what I would or wouldn’t do-“

“Um…kinda? You’re supposed to be really hard to pinpoint”.

“As it should be”.

“…..What am I missing?”

He still seemed confused.

“Should…we tell Mystic?”

“You can if you want. I owe her nothing but ‘proof’”.

“-Do you think-“

“Oh”.

_Finally_ , he gets something.

"You should probably reassure her?"

"Should I?"

"Peace would be kind-of helpful now..."

She carefully poked her forefingers together.

"..."

…….

“There you are!” Envy called out, just as they entered the Main Area.

"Mystic, we've been looking for you”.

And so-

"Look, I know you're scared I'm going to take you to her, but I honestly don't know how I got there in the first place”.

"Okay, that doesn't matter right now. We're gonna have more guests than I expected, so we might have to bring in the Society”.

All’s well that ends?

"But won't they just stir up suspicion?” Alice worried-

"They're pretty good at hiding, aren't they?"

-Slight vibration and … hissing.

"What was that?"

"Fink I got a good idea”, Ivy mused.

“Follow me”.

……

She descended a flight of stairs-

"The Sands of Egypt!” the younger women both exclaimed-

"Why are we here?"

He was back to confusion.

Ain't it obvious? We got a new guest arrivin’”.

Golden grains whipped into a tornado, forming feet, legs, a torso, neck, head, and finally, hair.

Then it sloughed off to reveal someone in a greenish pantsuit.

"What the----? How did I get here?" 

Justine Ezarik.

"Okay, can someone please tell me what's going on?"

"You're back in Purgatory”.

What a way to break it to her.

"Wait.....who are you? Like I recognize you, but I also don't?"

"Oh, probably a timeline thing”, Mystic shrugged.

"Call me Mystic. This is Alice, Ivy, Envy, and.....some other guy that I don't know the name of”.

"Why am I back?"

"The Collector summoned you. I put you on the guest list of my wedding to the Cursed God”.

"Wedding?!?!"

"That was kinda my reaction too. I brought you here because we're gonna get a plan of attack together. You're here to make this look more like a wedding. You're basically one of our disguisers”.

"You're not, like, having me fight, are you?"

"No, not really”.

"Okay, good. Who else is coming?"

"I can't tell you right now. I wanna make this sort of a surprise--"

The ground shook.

More hissing-

Actually, a dragon-like roar.

"You guys feel that too, right?”

The sudden warmth?

“Yeah”, Ivy confirmed.

"Wait, what's going on?"

Envy’s new nickname is ‘Confused’.

"I think I know who it is”.

More running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More are coming.


	42. Prep For A Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Guests are here, now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Language, wine.

The Greek exhibit.

Strangely paired with two men parading around a red paper dragon who could breathe fire.

Tiny fiery snakes wrote a message into the ground upon bursting...

"Of _course_ she'd have an entrance like that”, Envy sighed.

-It opened its mouth, and vomited another dragon.

Slid to the marble, spiraled up-

_Exploded-_

"Duck!"

They did-

Well, most of them.

The men let the dragon fly, howling as the smoke cleared to reveal-

A woman in a wig with fighting stick in hand.

"I'm back, b*”.

Nikita Dragun.

….

The frenzy died down-

"Okay, whose a* do I have to kick?"

Just another day in the Museum.

“Hey, name’s Mystic. Long story short, I'm being forced to marry this cursed god. I need you to be not just one of the bridesmaids, but also start some s* so that we can get out of Purgatory”.

“Oh honey”.

She shook her wig in sympathy.

"Then you called in the right b*. I can start s* like a wildfire”.

Noted.

"Good, then yer gonna be great fer this. Name's Ivy. I'm also fightin’”.

She immediately noticed the glued-at-the-hip posture.

"Wait, so are you two, like, a thing?"

"I wish”, Mystic answered, clearly not thinking twice.

Then it dawned on her, and her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. And the blush.

Nikita snickered-

"Yeah, you're definitely gonna need some bad b*s protecting you--"

Multiple vibrations, sounds, but the most prominent, coins clinking-

"And there's another”.

“Okay, how much running are we gonna have to do?" Justine status-checked-

"As much as we need to, Justine, as much as we need to”.

Envy looked exhausted, and we’d barely done a thing.

….

In a nest of jewels, a cascade.

"I think I know who this is”, Mystic smiled-

Rainbow-paint-over, and we had Bretman Rock.

"The party's here! I'm literally made of money, b*s!”

"You'll definitely come in handy”.

-We can speed through the catch-up, because you already know, reader.

"Oh b*. You definitely need help with this one”.

"That's why I'm getting as many as I can here”.

"Well, should we go check out the rest?" Nikita cut in-

"Don't answer. We're gonna go”.

-The rest is self-explanatory.

*

**Hours before Natsuki and Monika had their showdown.**

"What do you mean you _never_ get ideas?" 

"I steal them from other people's minds”, Kerrie smirked.

“By the way, don't you have a wedding to get ready for?"

"Yes.....I do, don't I?"

Shifting out of tentacle man mode, he briefly went to his room, looking like a dark-haired movie star.

"Collie should've just let me plan the wedding”, she griped, “I've planned a lot of weddings”.

"You didn't put that on your resume”, he said in that smoldering baritone-

"I left a lot of things out of my resume”.

"Like professional bride stealer?"

He returned in a cautious snit.

"I _knew_ you were trying to wife up my bride”.

She just yawned.

"I swing in _all_ directions”.

He brushed his hair, and it turned into Brad Pitt’s.

"Sally made you some of that perfume s*”.

She whipped out the heart-shaped love weapon-

"Excellent. A whiff of this should calm her each time I see her”.

"Doesn't it go against the code though?"

"It's not hypnotism”.

Finger-snap, and the suit was on him.

Raised some questions-

"It's going to become her conditioned reflex around me”.

**Now.**

After a frenzied scramble to the Chinese exhibit, the Soul Jar, the Lounge, the Everywhere-And-A-Half-

The Collector led the entire party to the secret room.

Re-tooled into a Medieval-esque type of place-

"I've kept it as a surprise attraction. But tonight it will be your bridal suite".

Morgan Le Fay à la Guinevere, with the dresses to match.

She didn't say one word of disapproval about the bridesmaids helping, or Merlin being one of them-

"Okay, so what's the motherf*g tea?" Andrea R. spoke up once she'd clacked out.

"The tea is mostly what I explained to you when you arrived".

"But you know some of us can't fight", Lauren reminded.

"I know. Some of you are here for different reasons. For instance, you, Lauren, can modify our dresses to hide weapons inside of them.

Ro, Nikita provided the sedatives for you to sneak into the sweets".

The bottles were unveiled-

"Just a drop in each should knock out an elephant", Nikita explained.

"I can do that".

Then another.

"I also will druggeth thee wine", the Troublemaker announced.

"......Good for you", Mystic said hesitantly.

"Anyway; Safiya, Matpat, Eva, Andrea Russett, Matt Haag, Andrea Brooks, Alison, Calliope, you eight are the brains of the operation".

"Just don't expect me to do any fighting or perform an exorcism, and I'm good", Matt warned.

"Liza, Tana, Gabbie, Shane, Glozell, Lele, Oli, Tim, Colleen, if things go awry, you need to be the first to distract the other team".

"Oh, this is my time to shine".

Liza rubbed her hands together gleefully-

"You can count on me".

"I can bring out Miranda", Colleen added, signature red lipstick already out and running.

"Destorm, Manny, Nikita, Bretman, Alex, Ivy, Jesse......there should be one more".

"You called?"

The Sorceress strolled in.

"Hello, dear, I decided I'd be fashionably late for this wedding".

".....Right. Anyway, you eight are designated fighters. Alex, I may also need you on the brains' team".

"I can swap whenever you need me to", was his response-

"Just don't give him a bow and arrow", DeStorm interrupted.

"Alice, Envy, Alison, Sorceress, Ivy, anyone else with magic, you're our most valuable assets".

They nodded-

Willing and able.

"Justine, Sierra, Lauren, Tana, Oli, Alice, Envy, and virtually every single one of you, we all need to be stealthy. If they discover that we're up to something--"

The door burst open.

The Collector-

Dragging in one, last person.

"I found a straggler".

She then left.

Someone in all black with short black hair.

"What the h* is going on? This doesn't look like the Netherworld-"

Lydia Deetz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy.


	43. Preparations For A Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoshino arrives late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Panic attack. Blood.

Yoshino stumbled up the stone steps, heart racing.

That had been one heck of a near-miss.

One they didn’t feel like repeating.

I mean who even was that, a cave man-

They skidded into a whole crowd.

What…..?

People and creatures in all sorts of chiffon and old lace-

Some with wings, some with gills, and some lady in a red headdress marveling over their heads.

Oh….crap.

They didn’t know what do to-

They just wanted to find Lydia and **get out.**

Ducking behind a garlanded column, they felt the urge to panic.

First that stupid mirror, then that stupid creep, now this stupid party-!!

Their hands shook.

Where did she even go.

Their breath started to hitch.

Ooookay, no time for that-

They tried to get it together-

Lydia.

Find Lydia.

Ask around.

Someone here should know her-

They coughed, stifling a sob-

Find.

Lydia.

A few tears squeezed out, despite that.

Find her.

Find.

Her.

Find her find her find her-

‘Hahaha’, they thought, ‘this is not working-‘

They gripped the marble hard enough to chip it.

Blood dripped down their fingertips-

Why is this even happening.

They dropped into a crouch.

Blood dripped onto the floor.

“Get it together”, they whispered.

“Get it together…”

They stood back up.

………………………………….

They stepped around the column-

They went up to the first person they saw.

“Excuse me-“

“Oh?”

It was a bedazzled swan.

“Do you kn…know if there are any Lydias around here somewhere?”

(The red-headdress lady dragged off someone in black in the background-)

“Lydia?”

The swan hmmmmmed.

“Noooo, I do not know….I cannot be sure….”

“Oh…uh, thanks anyway?”

They sucked in a breath.

“Anyone who might…know-“

“Hmmmmmmm”.

The swan tapped their chin.

“Perhaps the Collector. She knows everything-“

“Who is that-“

“Oh my! You’ve never heard of her!?”

The shrill cry reverberated throughout the room.

Bringing conversation to a halt-

A thousand pairs of eyes bored straight at them.

  
Hushed murmurings.

Yoshino gulped.

What do I do now.

Stomach crawling up their windpipe, they debated escaping to the kitchens or wherever else they'd picked up such an awesome spread-

"My first visit".

They somehow got out in a strangled tone-

"Oh you poor dear! You sound hideous-"

They tried to smile.

"Would you like some water?"

"Yes, please".

The swan went to do just that, and they politely stood there in fear.

"Who knows what the Collector looks like?"

The murmurings increased.

Oh God.

Heaven help me-

Everything in them wanted to vacate.

Now.

The swan returned.

"Here".

"Thank you...."

They drank.

"It's good".

"Good!"

The swan smiled behind the feathered mask.

"Do you know what the Collector looks like?"

"She's often most recognizable for her red, jeweled headpiece".

-So in other words, the woman who'd just left.

They could've cracked right then and there.

"Oh. Okay. Thanks".

..............................................................They power-walked away-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Private party terror.


	44. Split-Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's the new bridesmaid?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Self-deprecation, blood, torture.

This plan is doomed to fail.

It’s obvious.

It’s happened before-

It’ll happen again.

………….

He watched the guests buzz eagerly over this new girl, whomever she was-

For her part, she seemed utterly confused.

“….Where the heck am I? Where’s Beetlejuice-“

“Oh my God”.

The mystic’s jaw went slack.

“Lydia Deetz!?”

The ‘Bride’ To Be was just as shocked.

“You know my name?”

…….So she only appears when BJ is incapacitated.

The irony…

“You’re pretty well-known where we’re from…”

Rosanna(?) Pansino.

The things you learn when you’re trying to mitigate a crisis-

“Yeah, right”.

She rolled her eyes.

“I’m barely relevant in my home life”.

“Don’t say that”, Mystic said, “I, for one, think you’re pretty amazing”.

“Well, could someone please fill me in on what’s going on with this ‘wedding’ occasion, because I sure as h* didn’t come here expecting to be a bridesmaid”.

“Oh boy…”

Jesse groaned.

“It’s kind-of a long story”, Alex offered-

“I mean, I have time?”

The girl shrugged.

“Although I’d also appreciate knowing where Beetlejuice is right now, because pretty sure he’s the reason I’m even here in wherever this place is, to start with”.

“What!?”

The four who had been there were taken aback.

“He was unconscious, last time we saw him…”

Envy looked worriedly from the girl he clearly liked.

Ivy and Mystic exchanged glances.

“Wh-how!??”

Lydia’s eyes almost popped out of her head.

“The Collector hurt him…”

Mr. Plant Man gulped.

“He’s chained up now”.

“No way. No, no, only a _Sandworm_ could stop him”.

She shook her head, plainly in denial.

“Right?”

No one spoke.

“………………”

She pulled at the brim of her hat.

The tension in her knuckles betraying her inner turmoil-

“How do we save him”.

“We have to stop her”, Mystic said adamantly.

“And how do we do that-“

“I have a plan that you’re gonna want to hear”.

So she went quiet.

………

He turned and left.

The way to Beetlejuice.

Was obstructed.

“Oh-thank heavens, it’s _you-!!”_

“Yoshino”.

They’d sweat right through their hood.

“You have no idea how stressful that reception is-“

“We’re going back through it”.

“What-“

He walked past them, and they groaned.

“But-where are you-!?”

“I’ve found Lydia-we just need to free BJ”.

“You _did!?”_

“Yes-both of them are here now”.

“…What”.

“We don’t have time to explain”.

“Wha-“

They raced to catch up-

“Don’t get lost. I need you”.

_“‘Don’t get lost’!?”_

“That’s what I said”.

“………….”

They entered straight into the lion’s den.

Red-headdress floating above the crowd telling them exactly where to avoid-

“Down here”.

He motioned for them to match his curve through the throng-

Yoshino grimaced at the party of already-drunk clowns draped in the hall opening.

He smiled slightly.

They made sure not to step on them while they writhed in some out-of-this-world yoga class or whatever-

They shivered.

There they were again.

In the Carnival exhibit.

-Unofficially titled, but that didn’t matter.

He knew what it was…

“Beetlejuice!?”

“Yes, that’s him”.

He stepped toward the bedside, hands going to his sword.

“I need you to hold that chain taut”.

“Like this?”

They stared for a hot minute at BJ’s disgusting foot, repulsed.

Then they lifted it up-

“Please don’t kill my fingers”.

“Don’t move, and I won’t”.

He lifted it above his head-

Brought it down in a climactic SLASH-

The electricity that shot through him rattled the weapon from his grip.

“Whoah! Are you-!?”

They watched with wide eyes as his body trembled-

“……I…..that….was…..”

He coughed, and spit blood.

“Ohmigod”.

Their mouth fell open in horror-

Wiping his mouth with a glove, he looked back to the chain.

“….Alright”, he said thickly.

Swallowed.

“New plan”.

“New plan?”

“….We’re stealing her staff”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finesse time.


	45. All For Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the ghost and Yoshino deal with uninvited guests, Envy tries to do something. Just....something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Underage marriage warning/eternally old being falling in love with a woman in her twenties. Obsessive behavior and invasion of personal space.

"Hey, uh, question: DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?"

The ghost winced.

“As long as I’m not trying to hi-jack your ‘plan’ what’s the problem-“

Yoshino blanched, and turned around.

“Uh….”

"Envy, how the f* are we supposed to steal the Collector's staff? She carries that thing with her everywhere! Literally everywhere!"

The ghost blinked, and then snickered.

Here we go again with the mistaken identity-

“How did they sneak in here without us noticing?” they whispered worriedly.

“Canon confusion”.

“What!?”

“Exactly”.

"Okay, I also have a question”, Lydia piped up.

"Can you all catch me up to speed on what's going on?"

"Long story”, Mystic condensed.

"Like I said, I've got time”.

"I don’t-In about two or so hours, I'm gonna get married to a cursed entity I accidentally let into the fandom, be stuck in a museum exhibit in Purgatory, and then eventually open a gateway between reality and fiction”.

"Exhibit? Is it that big, empty one in the center?"

Yoshino turned to look.

He did not.

"What did you say?"

Yoshino, whispering: “What is she talking about-“

"Yeah, there was this big exhibit that went all around the museum's center and it took up a few floors”.

Yoshino whispering: “Did you see that-“

“….So that’s it”.

“……Can you stop being cryptic for two seconds-“

"Can you show us?"

They all left at her direction-

“Dude, should we-“

“No”.

“No!?”

“They’re going to get caught, and we have more important things to do”.

“Like…short out this thing…?”

“Yes”.

“But-what if she’s there-“

“We need a decoy staff first”.

“Ha”.

Yoshino grinned drily.

“How do you plan on getting that?”

*

"It's right...there!" Lydia pointed-

…..What on earth is that!?

"We've been yentl’d”, Mystic said-

Whatever that means.

"That's not really the word I'd use, but my sentiments exactly”, Alice agreed.

-Okay, can someone please explain what that is-

"Yeah, we're f*d”, Gabbie nodded.

But-

"How did we miss that!?”

He gaped at the two-multiple-story castle-thing, that _apparently had a basement!??_

"You have to admit, though, the detail is superb”.

-That’s your biggest priority right now?

“Do you like it?"

-They didn’t even have to speak the Devil’s name and she showed up.

He inched a vine across the floor, to maybe-possibly-do something about her staff?

-A foot stomped on it.

OW-

"Oh, hey, Not-Juno”, Lydia greeted flatly.

"I was going to wait until after the wedding, but I suppose seeing the wedding present before the wedding is luckier than seeing your husband-to-be before the wedding”.

Ew…

"Whoa. That staff”, she gasped in awe, "That's awesome. But you're still kinda evil for trying to keep Mystic here, and for trapping Beetlejuice”.

"So you found him, after all”.

An evil smile-

"I merely provide a service, and this is a project I have been planning for a while especially for her. She may not always say it, but I know our bride-to-be often wishes to be treated like a princess...."

….He couldn’t deny that-

"And so that is how she shall be treated”.

"Treated? Wait....I'm not going to be a statue?"

"What is the use of a statue in a castle worth exploring? This exhibit will allow you to move within the confines of the castle and be comfortable”.

"Along with my friends you plan to trap there with me”.

"You've caught on quickly, haven't you?"

"But....why me?"

….And here came the Villain Special Speach-

"As I have said, you are a historic part of what Joey Graceffa has created. And you are also quite popular. In this world, people flock to you like a moth to a colorful, beautiful, warm flame. The Cursed God doesn't fall in love with just any girl. She must be one so unique and special that Lydia Waverly's soul would be drawn to her to begin with--"

"We get it! I'm a Mary Sue”.

.......I don't think 'Mary Sue' is quite what this is-

"If you were such, her soul would not be inside of you”.

"If you put me in that exhibit, I'll just end up dying, and that wouldn't be good for business”.

The Collector chuckled.

"How naive you can be, little one”.

-Now what?

"I am the ruler of Purgatory. And even so, letting a princess die would not be treating her like a princess. That would entail your dining as well. Being treated like a princess also entails a personal entourage of ladies-in-waiting”.

Oh come on.

A door opened with magic, and three women stepped out.

"It's her!"

"The princess of Purgatory!"

"She's so beautiful!"

He ignored the irritating fangirling, his sister and Andrea R. proceeding to tell them off, and aimed another vine-

"Envy!”

A hand grabbed it, before it could get anywhere-

“Stop!”

"If we get the staff, we can free Beetlejuice and go home”.

"We'd be running right into the lion's den if you did!" she argued-

"I'll be careful”.

"She literally has her hands on it. If you try to grab it, it's going to make things worse”, Mystic insisted-

"Oh Collector, can we please get her ready for the wedding?"

"Oh yes, can we?"

"Pretty please?"

“Perhaps…….”

It was like a mom speaking to her three, teenage daughters….except these three daughters were an embarrassment to every single teenage daughter there ever was and ever would be.

"Wait....she told me she was marrying a cursed entity?"

It hits now, Lydia?!

“Yup”, Mystic shivered-

"You....you honestly think this is a good idea? Marrying a 21 year old off to a thousands-year-old cursed entity?

That's almost as bad as an underaged bride or groom”.

"She _is_ of age”.

"That doesn't make it any better”.

"And this is merely a business transaction. Now you may all continue to explore for another hour or so.

I shall come find you when it is time to prepare”.

Her back faced them.

He’d never have a better chance-

He whipped out his vine.

-!?

Sounds blurred.

The next thing he knew-

She had him pinned against the wall.

"Perhaps I have misjudged your group”.

-With one hand, and her other on Mystic-

He struggled, but eventually-

They were right in front of that monstrous structure, having lost everyone but Ro, Ivy, Andrea R, Alice, Merlin, Lydia-

"You will stay in here with your bridesmaids until it is time for the ceremony. These will also be some of the friends who will stay with you in your exhibit”.

"Wait....you're keeping me too?"

The last of these didn’t seem to believe it.

"Why would I let someone so.... _strange and unusual_ escape my grasp?"

Acted like a total creep about it, came too close-

-The glass came down.

The ones who _hadn’t_ been cherry-picked were herded out by the guards.

Mystic’s stare burned into his eyes-

**Fix this.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear.


	46. Two-Pronged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Envy must fix his mistakes. A duo does some fixing of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Threats.

_Fix this how!?_

The Collector nudged him in the chest with her staff.

Eyes narrowed.

“You should move as well”.

“To where”.

“To the Pre-Wedding Gathering”, she hissed, “Before I have you put back in your exhibit for the evening”.

“…….”

He looked back toward the glass-

“Now”.

His sword had skidded off into a corner.

_“Move-“_

“Okay, okay”.

He raised his arms.

“I’m going”.

-For the record, the guests who weren’t part of ETN most likely had been invited from the other half of this cursed two-party union.

That’s what he supposed-

Some party _this_ is.

Guards at all the exits, and the Collector’s eagle eyes scanning everything.

Everyone.

People floating around the food table-

Nothing to do but socialize?

He hated to think that-

There _has_ to be a way to get them out.

He leaned against the wall, thinking-

....Maybe if I cut the power?

-That way, it wouldn’t zap me or anything should I try to open it….or do something else undesirable-

But where would it be?

In the back somewhere?

-I’d have to recover my sword first…

Her staff would also do the job, I think-

….She’d knock me out though if I went for it again-

Or _pin_ me again.

…………

At least it won’t be too difficult to re-locate that monstrous-

“Someone isn’t in a partying mood”, DeStorm observed.

“…………….”

“Yeah, nice going”, Nikita sniped.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen”.

“But it did”, Eva said, “And you _stil_ l haven’t apologized”.

“We could’ve gotten off Scott-free”, Oli pointed out-

“……….I’m sorry”.

“Are you though?” Sierra wondered.

“If it helps, I want to make this right-“

“You’d _better”_ , Bretman told him vehemently.

….He had the strong suspicion a certain word had been omitted at the last second.

“I do”.

“Well, are you gonna do something then?” Manny prodded.

“That’s currently what I’m trying to solve…..the only method I can see is a distraction?”

The Sorceress grinned evilly.

“Leave that to me”.

She thrust her own staff toward the ceiling, and violet sparks blazed-

The chandelier tinkled and-collapsed, sending crystals **_shattering_** in every direction-

“DUCK!!” Lauren cried.

Guests _screamed-_

“How DARE you!!” the Collector roared.

Red light crackled-

He snuck along the wall in the confusion, while the Guards worked to restore order-

Shifted sideways to snake past one’s arm.

-It clamped over his chest, fingers digging into his _own_ arm.

Golden eyes flared his way-

He stomped hard on his assailant’s toe.

Crunching filled the air-

Not so much as a whimper.

What the-!?

He elbowed the guy hard in the sternum.

-Moved him, a little.

Have to hurry-!

How long would it take for his other stoic friends to notice?

He broke vines from the floor, and tried to pry off his grip-

Let go-!!

He kneed the guy in the junk.

-Wordlessly, the Guard folded to his knees.

Finally!!!

He ripped off the constricting hold, and clanked fastly into the night.

*

Yoshino had to speed-walk to catch up-

“Where are you going?”

“Back to the lair of jewels”.

“-You….you’re going to make a decoy!?”

“Why not”.

“She’s not going to fall for it-“

“We don’t need her to fall for it. We need her to not look for a few precious minutes. We need to simulate the weight in her hand-“

“You are absolutely-“

“What? Insane?”

Cold, green eyes.

“Wh-….Uh-“

“….You’d be right”.

“………………………..”

They continued onward............

Yoshino rubbed their arms.

Chilled from the cool air, what he'd said-

Who _is_ this guy?

Their eyes almost popped out of their skull.

"Oh my-Wow!!"

"Don't be too dazzled-"

"This. Is. Amazing!!!"

"Never brought any happiness as far as I am aware-"

".....?"

Is he talking about himself, or-

He cleared some stray gilded pottery aside, and felt around for....

What?

"Which part are you looking for?"

"Should be a cane in here-"

"Okay".

They started to dig through the coins for....for a silver-ish tip?

"Hey, you think the bar will be enough if we can't find the top-"

"Something else should substitute".

"Okay-"

They went back to looking.

Heart pounding in their ears.

Will this really work?

(............Somewhere around the side of the Museum, Envy was wondering the same thing).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fighting!


	47. Magical Misadventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos in the Museum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Violence, blood.

“….This is the best I could find”.

They held a shimmering diamond to the half-light.

“It’ll work…”

He hefted a bejeweled staff, himself.

Borrowing a string of pearls from Bretman’s shed chrysalis, they fastened the shimmering gem to the tip-

They let go, and stepped back.

It stayed.

“Now. Where would that woman be…..”

“I saw her at the Reception thing in the Main Hall…or whatever….”

“It’s a place to start”.

He shrugged.

They walked in on a war zone.

……….Lele was pelting reddish fruit at Matt H.’s head, Lauren and Alex were having a disagreement of epic proportions, Nikita had initiated the smackdown, golden-eyed enemies were herding everyone _else_ out of the room-

The Sorceress was putting up an _epic_ fight, magic crackling against the Collector’s heated strikes.

They stalked one another around the remains of a crashed chandelier-

Their mouth fell open.

“…..Well this makes things complicated”, was his only comment.

“You think!?”

“We can figure it out”.

They dodged a panicked couple in torn satin, and ducked behind a table packed to the brim with Wedding Gifts.

“-How exactly are we supposed to do that again?”

“The Sorceress might do it for us”.

“……”

Speaking of-

A stray blast came hurtling right for them-

“Down-“

The boxes went flying in all directions!!

“Holy crap-“ they breathed-

The Collector laughed in her face.

Retaliated with several bursts of power-

Snarling, her adversary created a shield of magic, but one hit-a crack.

Two hits-another crack-

“I don’t think she’s got it-“

A third hit, and the Sorceress’ staff went hurtling out of her hand-!!

They cringed.

With both hands, she struggled to maintain-

A fourth, and it collapsed into glowing shards.

“You think you can defeat me”, she scoffed.

“Yes. I think I can”.

The Collector springboarded off of the crystalline frame, and nailed the woman in the throat.

“-!”

They jumped.

……………………………………………………….

The steel tip protruded from the other side of her neck.

.

.

.

She coughed.

Blood spattered onto the floor-

The Collector ripped her staff loose.

Blood. **_Shower-_**

In vain, the Sorceress clutched at her throat.

In vain, to stem the flow-

“You should not have tried to ruin this event”, she hissed.

With a wave, a collar of light snapped tight around the woman’s neck.

. . . . . A rattling breath-

“I should kill you on the spot”.

Saliva _spat-_

Yoshino crinkled their nose in disgust.

Glaring with malice, the would-be victim lunged for their staff-

One zap of light later, and it rolled right out of her reach.

“But I will not-“

The Sorceress’ updo collapsed as she was pulled up by her collar.

“In accordance with her wishes”.

-She was summarily dragged out of the room, struggling the whole, entire, way.

“……………………..”

“…………………….”

The two hiders looked at each other.

“What a mess….” they heard the Collector mutter upon disappearing….

Electric sparks flew throughout the disaster of a room, and re-stacked the pristine presents.

Re-hung the re-constructed chandelier-

“Unbelievable-!!”

................

They waited until no more sounds reached their ears.

He passed their ‘staff’ to Yoshino, and they both walked over to where the Sorceress’ staff had been thrown-

Which was now gone.

“She must have taken it with her”, he reflected calmly, yet not.

“Ugh…”

They drooped their head.

“More following…..”

“Yes. Tch-“

They scrambled to catch up with her as quietly as possible.

Ducking behind columns every so often-

She vanished from sight.

"Where did she go!?" Yoshino whispered-

"Through a door", he answered in a deadpan.

"No need to panic".

They snuck to the entrance........

"-You will _pay_ for this!!" the Sorceress promised-

"....Hush".

She shut the glass case with a swish.

"It is _you_ who must pay".

Stretching an arm around the edge of the opening, he mentally ordered a chain to lash out-

SKRASHHH-

"-Who is there!?"

She whipped this way and that, searching for a culprit-

She saw the Ancient vase in pieces.

"Who has _**desecrated-!?"**_

Yoshino whacked her upside the head with the fake staff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a fun way to start the proceedings-


	48. Staff Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BJ's rescue team is on the case!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Some fantasy violence. Getting names wrong. Clowns. Being trapped. Phobia of germs.

Nerves frazzled throughout their whole being.

….Did I just-!??

The Collector stumbled against the case in surprise-

They panicked.

They thumped her again just as a harsh tearing _ripped_ through their body-

Yoshino thudded to the ground, electricity crackling up and down their limbs…………..

He sighed.

Reached for the limp staff…

He half-expected it to zap him.

….Knocking.

He looked up to see the Sorceress tapping furiously-

…….Hm…

She would know more about how these things worked than he did.

So he attempted to open her prison-

Keyword being ‘attempted’.

She snarled with rage-

Must have a power source keeping it locked down.

Somewhere-

But where, exactly?

-Well, first things first.

His fingertips brushed the metal-

A tiny jolt made him _let go-_

….Like I thought.

He was going to need **rubber.**

The Collector groaned.

He knocked the staff away from her with his toe-

Winced at the _shock._

Her eyelids fluttered-

He delivered a palm-strike to the base of her neck.

…..Bought myself a little more time.

Assuming she is still made of iron.

He huffed.

Reached for the Sorceress’ staff.

-That one, didn’t, spout electricity.

...?

It did, hum with a mystical energy-

Overall effects still unknown.

But...

What would be the odds-

He aligned the crystal with the head of the Collector’s-

Electric light erupted in a protective shell.

He still tried to levitate-

It did that, at least.

........He shook Yoshino awake.

“You’re alive”.

“Wh-“

“We have the staff”.

“We-“

They rolled over, in pain, while he thunked the chaotically charged stick against the case.

It **_exploded._**

The force of the blow knocked him off of his feet-!

“Hey! Dude-“

The Sorceress landed in a dramatic pose, smiling fiendishly-

“Thank you kindly”, she purred, “Now revenge shall be mine-“

“You do….what you want”.

It took him a minute to sit……up………

This will be the second time I’ve been floored.

They stood at his side.

BJ’s.

He was completely dead to the world, still-

“Stand back”, the ghost told them.

The Collector’s staff clanked onto the chain-

. . . . . . . . .

A mini-firestorm ignited-

The runes seethed.

Dissolved.....

-The cuff popped open.

"Yes-"

Yoshino cheered-

"-What are you doing?"

The ghost was suspiciously scanning every corner-

"Things are going right. I'm checking for a last-minute snare".

"Oh".

That-put a damper on things...

"Good idea".

..............................................................................................................................................................

Nothing happened.

He moved to remove the Demon from the bed.

"-C.P.? Is that you?"

He was _immediately_ irritated.

"No".

He turned to see Purple Joker hanging from the non-rafters.

Make-up running, and romper ruffled-

"Oh no?"

She dropped off.

Yoshino pegged the fake staff at her face-!

It bounced from her forehead, and clonged into the discount Harley Quinn's frozen cage.

"What the-!?"

"So who are you then? Mr. Pineapple-"

"....Wrong again".

She landed inches from his nose.

"Really?"

"Who are _you"._

"I'm Kerrie".

She sneezed.

"-?"

His senses stuffed up, headspace flipping off-balance-

BJ slid from his grasp, and thumped to the ground.

"What did you do?"

Yoshino cried out-

"Gasp! A human bean!!"

"What. _Did you do!?"_

They snatched up the staff-

"You're interesting. Come with me".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have Clown Alert.


	49. Not-So-Helpful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trio of trouble in the greatest castle ever made-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Homophobia, pedophilia mention, worry of self-harm.

BANG  
  
BANG  
  
BANG  
  
BANG  
  
BANG  
  
BANG

**BANG-**

For a solid twenty minutes.

"Open. Up. D*t!”

She kicked it.

“Mystic, stop”.

At this rate, she was going to hurt herself-

"We'll be fine. We just have to wait for the others to rescue us”.

"Wait for the—?!”

-She didn’t much like that idea.

“Alice, you know what's at stake here, right? I'll have my mind broken and be married to some.... _creepy old guy!_

That's not okay!"

Yeah, I know-

"Yeah, I can attest to that”, Lydia added on, shivering…

"I've been in her shoes, and....I had to flirt with him a bit”.

What.

"It was a green card thing”, they sighed at once.

"That don't make it much better”, Ivy maintained.

"Well, even if it fails, you're not gonna be in this alone”, I tried to reassure, “You'll have us to keep you sane”.

"Hmm. Let's see.....wait for them to save us, during which time the wedding could happen, _or_ take initiative and be a badass b*? I'll take the latter”.

…..Didn’t you tell-

"It's time for your dress fittings!”

Oh _no._

Karen, Gretchen, and Regina, here-

"Oh! I want a nice purple one!"

Merlin perked up noticeably.

Followed after them like a child in a candy store-

As cliché as it sounded.

We followed after him, some of us….

"I'm just saying. I have faith in them”.

"Well, _I_ don’t”.

I expected that-

"I hate to break it to you, but one of _them_ out there is the reason we're even in here”.

Knew it.

"He has good intentions--"

"Intention doesn't always equal effect. If he wanted to steal her staff, he should've waited and relied more on stealth than sudden attacks!"

"He still has a chance”.

_"One_ chance. That's not enough! Alice, this isn't like you. You really wanna rely on your boyfriend like this?"

I felt my face heat-

"H-he's not my boyfriend”.

Though I _wish_ he was…

"Awwwww!”

"Sooooo adorbs!"

"She misses her boyfriend and now she's blushing. How sweet!"

AHHHHHHHHHHH

"How sweet, indeed!"

OW, my cheek-

Alice slapped the annoying hand aside!!

"Whatever. The point is, that's all I've done in these timelines: rely on others to rescue me. It's time I took matters into my own hands”.

"But you have--"

“-What are you doing?!?! It was made exactly for _you!"_

Lydia didn’t like how-

"It's pink. Bright pink. It burrows into my eyes”.

"Well then what color do you want?"

“Black”.

"Black's a funeral color”.

"I'm in mourning”.

"No one's died”.

"I'm in perpetual mourning”.

"That's far too morbid for someone your age. Don't you ever think about things like makeup or boys?"

These three live in stereotype land, huh.

"Yeah, I think about how to use eye shadow and lipstick to highlight the shadows of the ghosts of the past on my face and about how boys are disgusting”.

"That'll change when you're older”.

"I'm a teen”.

"Everyone blooms at a different time. You'll have your first crush soon--"

"My first crushes were on Sylvia Plath, Mary Shelley, and the sweet release of death”.

-Ha! You tell her.

She reeled, but recovered, quick-

"Wear something brighter. Something celebratory”.

Out came the yellow dress.

"Here. This is something that says 'I'm friendly, approachable, and only think about death a normal amount’”.

"Wow, where have I heard that one before?”

Lydia’s fists became steel fury.

"Honestly, she's onto something with wearing black to this wedding”.

Ear-piercing screams in triplicate.

"But you're getting married to the best bachelor in existence!”

Ahahahahahaha, what a funny joke!

"If he's so great, then why don't _you_ marry him instead?"

"But he loves you!"

"Well, the feeling isn't mutual”.

"You'll change your mind”.

"Nope”.

"I'm sure you will”.

"And I know I won’t”.

"He's a nice man”.

Ughhhhh, that woman was getting on Alice’s nerves-

"Well, guess what, doll? I don't swing just that way”.

Mystic strolled over to Ivy, and…..

"Matter of fact, I'm starting to feel like I'm swinging solely the other way”.

"Wha...what are you doing?"

They went ivory-pale.

"What's the matter? A little love never hurt anyone”.

"You...you can love _him”._

"That's....that's _not_ natural”.

According to _who!?_

What army.

"Lotsa tings ain't natural, sweetheart”.

The Brooklyn accent had appeared.

"Glasses ain't natural, but no one's told me I can't wear dem. Clodin' ain't natural, butcha'd get yuhself arrested if yous go out in da nude. And puttin' a goil and her friends in an exhibit, displayin' dem like animals at da zoo definitely ain't natural”.

They kissed.

The three _non_ -lovable Plastics collapsed on the spot.

"Okay, that was fun. So how do we get out---?"

Ro screamed-

"Are you okay?"

"It's.......it's....."

It’s what?

"Oh no”.

Oh no, _what-_

A red-haired woman, and-

KERRIE!?

Had snuck in somehow, with the Collector’s Staff in hand!!??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ominousness for the staff-finding duo...


	50. Outclassed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Fantasy violence. Hypnosis attempt and grabbing, and coughing on.

How?

How did she-

_How did she do it!??_

I am…confused-

*

Yoshino:

“Are you kidding”.

“Nope!”

The clown grinned widely.

“Not even a little! You’re so weird, and gray-“

“Get out of here!”

“Nope!”

“Stop saying nope!!”

-The clown grinned even more.

“Guess what?”

“Shut it?”

“…..”

“…..”

“Forget it!”

Yoshino tried to kick them in the gut.

-Someone yoinked them up off of their feet-

“Wh-hey!!”

“Not so fast, dear…..”

The soothing quality of the voice…

And it was right in their ear.

“Don’t you think you should relax?”

“No way!!”

They stabbed a heel into their torso.

Their attacker grunted-

But their grip didn’t falter.

-Until the ghost smacked her into a wall with chains.

“How rude!!” Purple Joker scolded.

“You think I care”, he scoffed.

“Ugh. Man, not worth comparing you to C.P. Such a snooze!”

“-You’ll have to forgive me for being pragmatic”, he snarked.

He sent chains towards her-

She b*-slapped him.

“-!?”

-He wasn’t so much hurt as offended.

“Petty, aren’t you-“

He frowned to find his chains stuttered.

“Come on now-“

Yoshino did a sliding-tackle into the woman’s knees-

“Whoops~!”

She bent over backward, staff coming up to-

He dodged the stray blast-

_Red flash._

He spun, stomach lurching-

Red eyes met his green ones.

“And you must be that irritating hypnotist”.

“….Funny how you know me, but I’ve never met you”.

-He moved to defend another staff strike from behind.

“Stay away!!”

Yoshino cut between them.

Purple Joker cackled-

She up and clocked the child in the head-

“-Shows your true colors, doesn’t it”.

Lilith sighed.

“Oh my…..”

He pulled out his sword, and prepared to eviscerate her.

Purple Joker moved to thwack him-

Chains.

Lilith caught the sword with both hands.

“……This is why you’re irritating”.

“Oh?”

“You’re about to be even _more_ irritated”, Purple Joker promised.

“I already know….” he muttered under his breath-

She coughed.

His chains shriveled up, and refused to move-

“….Nice trick”.

“It’s about to get better”.

Lilith’s hands physically ripped the sword free-

“-??”

Tossed it aside.

“….Are you on something-“

She snorted.

“No”.

-He pushed her.

Purple Joker’s mouth fell open-

“HA HA HA-oh my goodness”.

He turned just as twin blasts came blazing-

.

.

.

Kerrie chortled.

“Shall we bring these two to the Boss, or what?

I know Sally might like the bean, here, personally, but….”

“We’ll drop them off, and then come right back”.

“Ooh, I love the way you think”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes.


	51. Stranding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ....What happened next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Implied trauma. Triggering might apply here to. Eating, implied. Forced marriage. I know I'm forgetting something.

……………………..?

He woke up with a pounding headache.

-Where did that clown go!?

He seemed to remember-

…..She has _both_ staffs now.

-That was a sobering jolt…!

…

…………..Why was Brad Pitt leaning over his face.

“……..What are you doing”.

“-Oh. You’re awake”.

The actor stepped back a stop.

“…..There really is no resemblance by the way”.

-He rolled his eyes…

“I was expecting more tentacles”.

“You know they’re not appropriate for a wedding-!!”

“Is that what they are calling one-sided affairs, nowadays?”

“….Oh my God. Can you _not_ be sarcastic for two seconds?”

The Cursed God (Brad Pitt) blew a wayward hair out of his eyes.

“I _already_ have to deal with Kerrie’s lip every five minutes-!”

“What do you want”.

“Don’t be snappy with me-!!”

“Your existence annoys me”.

-His eyeball twitched.

“…..I wouldn’t be saying such things if I were you”.

His fingers snagged the chain around his neck, and roughly yanked him eye-to-eye.

“You’re _our_ prisoner now”.

-He promptly got kicked in the junk.

“……!”

“Don’t you _ever_ call me that”, the other hissed angrily-

**_Ever._ **

………………………………The Cursed God’s knees sagged….

“….Sore spot?”

“What do **you** think”.

He strained to get up off the couch, but his limbs felt cramped-

“Well”.

Wobbling even farther out of range, the Eventual Groom’s smile was more of a grimace-

“I think………Lilith may need to pay you a little visit. And then you’ll see things our way-“

“As. If”.

“You’ll see………………”

He spun awkwardly around, and stumbled through a door.

.

.

.

Shut, and locked.

Definitely.

……………He pushed through the cramp-

Sweat dripped down his brow.

My mind is my own.

He fully intended to keep it that way.

*

……What happened?

-One, big blank.

Where _is_ this-

…………

They were sitting in a chair.

In some dirty RV-

Where the heck am I!?

_Now,_ they should’ve specified-

A bowl of rainbow ice cream sat smack in front of their nose.

……….?

They had a plastic spoon taped into their hand.

……..What kind of weird scenario is this!?

They tried to stand up-

They about tripped over nothing, and landed _hard._

“Ow-!?”

Duct tape in candy striping ran up their legs, and over the balls of their feet-

“What the-!??”

They scratched at it with their one, free hand.

Get off get off-

No one else was inside.

-Well, no one but some slouched-over Harley Quinn in layers of bright tulle.

Is that a doll-

They shivered, and fumbled their fingers over the RV handle-door knob-

Crap. _Crap-_

Every psychological horror movie they’d heard of condensed into one.

I have to get out of here-!!

The doll moved.

“………………………………………………!?”

They stared at it, frozen.

-They wormed to the windshield.

Climbed their way onto the seat.

Okay, okay-

The 'doll' was looming into their space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it looks bad.


	52. No More Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freedom comes in an unexpected way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Fantasy violence, trust worry, forced marriage.
> 
> Not insured for a certain Demon and his dirty mind.

“Found you!” Kerrie taunted, joyfully waving the staff at the glass wall enclosing them, and making a beeline for Mystic as soon as it dissolved into light.

“No way!”

She grabbed for the swinging weapon-

“Love!!”

Ivy cried out-

A blast of iridescent energy shot from the wavering tip and blasted a hole through the ceiling of the changing room.

“Time to bounce-!!” Merlin yelped-

“Mystic!”

Ro shot a concerned glance-

“GO!!”

“But-“

“Ro, _GO!!_ All of you-“

Darker light flared, and-

“I can’t move-“ Alice said in a calm that was undoubtedly false.

“Let us go!!” Andrea R. yelled.

“….I don’t think so”.

Even tapping.

Lilith.

The Sorceress’ staff in her hand-

“How did you get that?” Lydia asked.

“We stole them”, Kerrie shrugged.

“….But how-“

“She’s Kerrie”, Mystic interjected, “I have learned not to question”.

“Quite right, deary”.

“Never say that again!!”

She elbowed the clown in the sternum.

“Oooofffff-“

Kerrie’s feet slid-

“Aha! Can’t overbalance me~“

She was shoved harder.

“Oh come on-“

Tumbling over backwards like a rubber acrobat, the Writer spun with the staff-

Just in time to do an eye-lock with a certain cursed Hypnotist.

“Do you _ever_ give up!?”

“No”, she answered.

“….Yeah, I didn’t think so”.

-She thought she was going to zap her.

She’d lifted the staff for it-

So she did the exact same thing.

Lilith went flying halfway across the exhibit, and smacked off of the dinosaur statue.

“——!!??”

What!?

“Lilith!??”

“Whoops-“ Kerrie gawped.

“…..Nice...aptitude…you have….”

She sloooowly lifted herself to her feet-

“What…but….!??”

To say she was confused, was the _biggest_ understatement…

“Why didn’t you….!?”

She limped….back….in….

“Why would I?”

She held up the staff-

Unfortunately broken in half.

“I don’t want to hurt you…..”

“You don’t!?”

“Watch out, she might be lying!!” Andrea R. warned-

“You froze my friends!”

“Because they would have attacked us when we came here with no ill will”.

“We don’t?”

Kerrie received the death glare-

“Our Master, sent us to check up on you. The trust in this deal is so frightfully fragile-“

“He did, did he?”

-She wouldn’t lower her guard so easy…

“Yes. He did”.

"....Okay then".

She feigned indifference.

"You've checked up on us. Now leave".

"Without us?"

Kerrie sounded heartbroken...

"....Of course".

Lilith stuck an arm firmly about the clown's body, and hauled her away.

_"We're STILL frozen_ -!!"

-With a wave, the spell was released, and Ivy buckled to her knees.

".....Yeh red-'aired-!!"

"That was odd", Ro mumbled...

"Yeah".

Alice rubbed her neck-

"I don't like this......."

Mystic, too, had her questions, but-

"They're probably just trying to slip into my good books so I'll fall in love with _him_ easier".

"Yeah", Andrea R. agreed....

"Let us 'get lost' as they say, before the Collector loses her shiz!" Merlin added.

"Don't need to tell _me_ twice", Lydia muttered-

CLANK CLANK CLANK.

"........How did you guys escape?"

Alice's eyes lit up-

"Envy!!"

She ran over to hug him-

"Hey there-"

He saw the staff.

"How did you-"

Everyone else stared at him.

".....Bit late, aren't you?" Andrea R. snipped.

"Had to sneak out of the 'Before' party first".

"Good fing yeh 'ere now".

Ivy motioned for him to join the rest.

"Yeah".

"-Just don't do anything _else_ stupid?" Lydia cut in.

"We have to be _careful"_ , Mystic added with extra emphasis.

"I know-"

Merlin made the 'I'm-watching-you' gesture with his fingers.

"....Is that necessary?"

When it comes to _you,_ it might not be enough.

*

BJ's eyelids fluttered....

His Exorcist-stretching was set to go.

........?

He awoke to a hard floor, and a _very_ upset Collector bearing down on him with her Guards.

And, no, it wasn't the good kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Politics-


	53. Bad Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The villains reconvene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Language, some physical violence. Emotional manipulation and forced marriage.

“…..Ah, the Welcoming Committee”.

“You should be tethered like the unpredictable creature you are!”

“Good to see you too”.

He sat up, grimacing-

“……..Why am I on the floor-“

“That is about to be the least of your concerns”.

“Same, b*”.

He tried to stand-

His legs were as stiff as boards.

What the-

The woman’s seething frown slowly lifted into a smile.

“…..You were saying?”

He poofed.

Into a rubber ball.

With a square bottom.

He rolled his eyes.

Continued in vain to yeet himself-

The lady stared him down.

Unimpressed.

…He morphed into a snake with a blocky tail, and unevenly slithered away.

“Guards”.

It would’ve been funny, how done she was-

“You don’t see me-“ he taunted, making himself go invisible.

**CLONK CLONK CLONK**

Oh f*ing H*-

He was scooped up in no time.

-Privately, he fumed.

Wordlessly, he was carried off.

He made the Guard suddenly fall asleep-

Knock into the next one, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one-

The Collector picked him up by the squarish tail.

“Aw, you’re no fun”, BJ grumped.

-He attempted a hex.

She thumped him on the invisible skull with the fake staff.

“OW-“

Seeing wooden stars, the Demon flopped limply-

“That. Is more like it”.

*

The Cursed God stared in disbelief.

_“This_ is the famed Beetlejuice?”

A snake with a clown head and a geometric lower half whose googly eyes spun in two different directions at once.

Dangling from the Collector’s grip-

“Yes”, she answered flatly.

“…….What the h*”.

“Blame your compatriots”.

“D*t Kerrie-!!”

The snake was dumped into his hands.

“-!??”

“Keep him under control. Like the others“.

“Will do, Miss Bossy-“, he grumbled under his breath.

Her glare was pure frost.

*

The door opened again.

-He stopped moving instantly.

“…………”

The Cursed God sidled right by, muttering something unintelligible.

……………..

He watched the man take out a jar from nowhere, unscrew the lid, laser-beam it full of hole with his eyes, and then slide something in.

It looked like absolutely nothing.

Then he re-screwed on the lid.

“Son of a Sandworm….!”

He stuck the jar on a high shelf, and gave him an irritated glance.

“What”.

“……Are you talking to me”.

“…….I can’t _wait_ for this wedding to be over”.

He stormed out, muttering something unintelligible.

“……….”

…..That was amusing.

-Time to renew his efforts.

*

“It’s all good Boss!” Kerrie cheered, “They’re free birds”.

“Yes”, Lilith nodded, “And they should be coming up with a plan to escape from here as we speak”.

The Cursed God grinned.

“Excellent! That’ll show the Collector-“

“Earn somebody more trust~” Kerrie winked.

“That _is_ the idea”.

He squinted.

“-Is it just me, or are you _hilariously_ underdressed?”

Kerrie’s expression soured.

“Moni dumped me-“

“Seriously!?”

“You try going through a bad break-up and keep your cosmetics intact!!”

“Kerrie!! Wedding! **_Soon-“_**

“I got it, geez”.

Palms out.

“Don’t worry about it, my quick-change is covered”.

“…..I don’t remember _that_ being on your resume-“

“For the bajilionth zillionth 5,294,305,497,549,857 time, there is a lot, **_a lot,_** I don’t put on my resume!”

“I noticed”.

-Lilith cleared her throat.

“If I may-“

“Yes?”

“How are they doing?”

“You mean the duo you brought me?”

He snorted.

“I sent one off to Sally like you suggested-“

“Bet he did it because they almost punched him in the nose-“ the clown whispered in her ear.

The Cursed God frowned.

“They did _not”._

-He self-consciously rubbed his snout.

Kerrie giggled.

“And the other?”

“Ready for you to work your magic with as soon as possible”.

“Excellent”.

“Lucky you know everything that goes on in here”.

The Cursed God grinned-

“Yeah…I do.

Thanks to my Ace”.

.

.

.

(His eyes slid to the faintest of shadows).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What IS on Kerrie's resume?


	54. Hypnotist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith's specialty returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Hypnosis. Swallowing things.

-He heard the door open a third time.

-He felt the first stirrings of panic.

“Good. You’re awake”.

-This can’t end well-

This is not- _cannot_ be allowed to happen-

Clack

Clack

Clack

-!

Clack

Clack-

-The knife I took. I still have it.

Clack.

He willed his arm to move-

A hand clamped firmly over it.

“Kerrie swallowed the knife”.

“-How is she not dead”.

“She’s Kerrie”.

Her shoulders swished up and down-

“’She’s Kerrie’ is a poor excuse”.

With her other hand, she reached into the pocket of her apron.

“There is no other explanation”, she concluded.

“Whoever heard of a super-powered clown-“

_This_ super-powered-!!

She withdrew a pocket watch in sterling silver.

“You think my mind is susceptible enough for that!?”

Your overall condition is rather weak”, she countered.

“Who knows?”

“-Don’t you dare-!!”

“You can’t get up….you may as well stay and tell me everything”.

*

Everything.

You’ll. Get. **Nothing.**

From. Me.

…………………………………………………………………………………He willed his _other_ arm to move.

Letting the delicate string dangle, the shining pendulum swing-

He wanted to crick his neck.

To look the other way-

Silver blur in his eyes.

-Simple solution to that.

He closed them.

She said nothing.

Whoosh.

Whoosh.

Whoosh…………………………………………………………………………

Are you-

His shoulders…

Had begun to relax…

The sound was slowly seeping into his mind-

Think think distract-

“You can still hear it, can’t you?”

“Why would I be able to hear a thing like that”.

“…..Feeling any…different?”

“No”.

He was starting to lose orientation.

“Still as out of the loop as ever”.

-He had to open his eyes-

Retinas stung from the silver flash.

“—“

Quickly looked down.

“You’re getting sleepy, aren’t you”.

It wasn’t a question.

He had to really **_fight_ **himself-

To keep from looking back up!

The whites of his eyes…

They were twitching out of his mental hold even as the thought crossed his mind.

“So sleepy…..”

“-Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice-“

The jar on the shelf shuddered.

-The swinging paused for a brief instant as Lilith looked its way.

………Silence.

“…..Hm”.

She smiled.

He didn’t like it.

The swinging continued.

He grit his teeth, feeling more muscles un-tense.

More sweat dripped down his face.

“-Come on, WAKE UP!!”

The jar SHATTERED-

-He waited in an AGONY of suspense.

She stopped the pendulum for a little while longer-

What in the world is he waiting for!? An INVITATION!!??

“What are…you…doing-“

“I don’t think he can hear you”.

"......And how do you know that".

"Just a hunch".

"-Even so".

He strained to move his arm, again-!

"BEETLEJUICE-"

Somebody slammed open the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh city.


	55. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimmer of Hope remains after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Forced marriage, conditioning, hypnosis.

_Everyone._

_Everyone was here-_

From the evil servants of Season 1 to the vampires of Season 2, to the clowns from 3 and everyone in-between.

Prowling, snarling around the maze of exhibits, searching-

-Minus a certain pair of pirates, that was.

Calvin turned a corner without warning, and everyone scrambled across the lawn to get away-!!

Narrowly.

Envy un-tensed, obvious relief filling him.

…….They were now in the labyrinth.

…

A stray glance revealing a white altar, the color of purity-

She sat down hard, panic welling up along with tears.

……Someone’s soft hand rubbed her back.

"We're not gonna let that 'appen te ye, love”, came Ivy’s whispered reassurance.

"I'll be d*ned if I let 'im even touch yer finger”.

"The Collector would probably end you if you tried to stop this…”

"Vee can attest te my persistence. I won't stop 'til yer safe”.

"I don't doubt that, love, but I also don't doubt that if someone gets in the way of the Collector, it doesn't end well for them”.

"We'll just have to do what we can to get you out”, Ro promised.

"I really appreciate that, but I'm worried that that's not gonna be enough”.

Mystic sighed…

"Both CG and the Collector are powerful. The only difference is that one of them is actually a competent villain. But that still spells trouble for us. Plus we can't keep hiding from her forever”.

"I know, but we can try. If we can't kill the Cursed God, we could prob'ly kill some a 'is minions”.

"But how, let alone how can we do that in under an hour and still esca--?"

"Shh!”

Envy’s voice was full of fright-

"Get down!"

-They did.

"You know I don't like you”.

The CG.

"You have made that very clear to me, yes. I do not particularly like you either, of course”.

The Collector.

"So remind me why I'm letting you keep her?" he asked-

"Because it shall satisfy us both”.

"And the residuals?"

"Yes, you shall be getting a quarter of the sales made off of her exhibit”.

"Not of the whole museum?"

He sounded almost disappointed.

"I shall be separating her off eventually, as I know she shall draw in many people. She shall have a different exhibit in due time. While I work on that, you shall receive 6.5% of the museum's general admissions.

Now what is it that you have on that I can smell so strongly?"

"Just some perfume”.

"I can tell by your face it is more than _just”._

"You caught me”.

Now he was smug-

“It's a calming agent. I'm gonna wear this each time I see her. Eventually she'll associate me with positive feelings.

She'll never want to go anywhere without me”.

Mystic clamped her jaw to keep from **_screaming-_**

_Another loophole!?_

_Seriously!??_

"...Where is she, by the way?"

"Now, now”, the Collector chided, “You know all too well that it is bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.

And I wish for this marriage to go off without a hitch”.

"You really see this as nothing more than a business transaction, do you?"

"Well, if she does not agree to marry you, she still cannot escape purgatory. But as it will keep both parties happy, I wish for this to go well”.

“F*, f*, f*, f*, f*!”

She whimpered-

"I'm _f*d!”_

"We're not gonna let that happen to you, not on our f*ing watch”, Andrea R. hissed angrily.

"But how?"

Alice had visible worry in her tone-

"We can't get the Collector's staff, the Sorceress' staff is split in two, what can we do now?"

"You can trust me”.

-Oh no.

I don’t want to look up-

….But she took a small peek anyway.

Just to confirm for sure that it was her-

Lilith.

Back then.

In the room where she’d had clear plans to hypnotize him.

The door had burst open-

“Forgot my perfume”, the CG had muttered.

-He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

Disappointment was……..

**_Quite_** painful.

…

He snatched it from a room in the rear, and disappeared.

…

The door burst shut.

…?

Lilith’s red eyes had a hint of…

What?

Discontent?

“………..It’s not too late”.

“-I beg your pardon?”

Her watch stilled.

“….You want to keep her from him, don’t you?”

“-How-“

“I’ve gotten good at reading people, over the years.

You’re like an open book”.

Her jaw tensed.

“I can’t go anywhere. You’ll never have a better opportunity...."

Please believe me.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“….Are you lying to me?”

“I don’t lie”.

……..They locked eyes.

…….

“Fine”.

-She must’ve really been eager.

“But if I fail, I’m coming again".

He swallowed.

Don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy-


	56. Ego, Superego, Id

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoshino faces clown trouble, Lilith pleads her case, and BJ attempts Houdini.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Trust issues, BJ's dirty mouth. Clowns, and force-feeding.

What the hecking heck!??

They really didn’t need those greasy pigtails flopping so close to their face!!

“Going somewhere, hmmm~?” the ‘doll’ purred-

Yes…….

What do you think I’m doing!?

They squirmed, attempting to get in position-

“Ah, ah, ah~!”

An arm wrapped over their shoulders.

“Let go-!!”

“I can’t let you ‘go’ anywhere”.

They fought being dragged off-

“-Wait a darn second where am I who are you-!??”

“Hee-hee~”

Their heels thumped against the floor.

“That’s not an answer-!!”

The chair scraped.

They yelped-

“Ow!!”

That candy-coated face had barely melted.

“What is this!??”

“It’s my specialty~”, they purred, “My Famed Clownie Sundae”.

“-Like I’m gonna eat that!!!”

“You don’t have a choice, Pretty Bird”.

-They responded by swiping the bowl over the side.

“Whoops!”

The doll swooshed to grab it, and they wormed under the table!!

“Almost lost you, my sweet”, the clown cooed.

To their _dessert._

What kind of Weirdness have I gotten myself involved with now!??

“Trust you!?”

Envy didn’t sound convinced.

“You’re his _Right Hand!!”_

“Yes…….”

She admitted-

“But I just can’t bear the way he thinks he can own you!”

Her red eyes flashed.

“Yeah, except how do I know you don’t want me for yourself, too?”

Mystic waited-

“….I only desire for you to be happy”.

“You do?” Ro asked….

Lilith nodded.

“And I can help you out of this unfortunate situation”.

“How?”

Alice was still apprehensive.

“I know where your other friends are-I even know where Beetlejuice is being held”.

“-Where!?”

Lydia forcefully grabbed the Hypnotist’s collar-

“There’s no need for that”.

She pointed back toward the Museum.

“I can guide you right to them, no strings attached”.

“-Where have I heard _that_ before…” Mystic muttered.

“Unlike the Collector, I actually mean it”.

“Do you?”

Andrea R. tapped her foot.

“For all we know, you could be lying to us just like her”.

“-If I _were_ a liar”, Lilith began, “Would I have helped you all escape from the Castle?”

“Yeh might’ve done it teh earn the Cursed God some Brownie Points!” Ivy accused.

“True…..but that’s not why I’m doing this now”.

“Hmm…..”

Merlin squinted.

"Will you betray us at that last minute? Because that would not be gucci-"

"Not at all".

"You say that, but-"

Envy was still suspicious.

"I am your best chance for freedom", she argued, "I can even show you a way out of here".

"You can!?" 

Ro was floored-

"I can".

She turned to Mystic.

"But in the end, whether you accept my help or not, that is ultimately up to you".

B.J., was _not_ the type you shove into a can, and then _forget._

So when he woke up to see plastic enclosing him, he was, quite understandably, **_very_** upset.

_Son of a b*, f* me sideways with a cheese grater, you people are goin' to **H*** for this-!!_

The snake furiously attempted to shape-shift.

He re-grew four limbs-

Let me out of here already!!

Angry fingers braced against the sides and _pushed._

Cracks started to form-

Along with _massively_ greasy handprints.

Errgh....!!

_Crick-!_

The other occupant of the room heard the incriminating sounds.

Watched the jar go through incriminating contortions-

-A blue bounce ball dropped out of a shadow and thumped the escaping Demon on the head.

It rolled unassumingly along the floor-then hopped back into the shadow.

...

What was that?

...Well.

It wasn't as if he couldn't find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday!


	57. Purple Doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone tries to escape again, and Lilith's loyalty is discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Mention of suicide. Hypnotism. Dolls. The dark.

He was alone.

Again, but this time-

I might have a chance-

He began to strain.

Muscles fought-

He couldn’t……quite do it.

He couldn’t afford to **_stop trying-_**

At least he had one arm up.

-Strange noises.

He heard the jar fix itself again-

……..There must be something-

‘………………’

-He’d gotten a horrifically terrible idea.

“………I know you’re there”.

The shadow didn’t change.

“You may as well show yourself……………”

It _still_ didn’t change.

“…..If you really want it that way-“

He sighed-

“Saint Michael….the Archangel, Saint Michael the Archangel, Saint-“

Shadows spread out of the wall, and spread under his feet.

-He braced for the dark-!!

Weightless.

Beetlejuice was alone in the room.

*

"Wait....me? _Just_ me? No one else?"

Mystic found that a little-

"Darling, you're the one who stands to lose the most in this situation. Of course it should be your decision”.

-She had a bad feeling about this.

Yeah, I’m gonna need to know what I’m getting myself into, first.

"What are _you_ getting out of this?"

"There's no need to be so suspicious of me. I merely wish for you to be happy”.

"I'm just trying to cover all of what I feel I should know about this”.

Lilith nodded in understanding.

"What makes you the best chance for our freedom?"

"Because I can sneak you past the Cursed God, the Collector, and the other monsters under the guise of watching over you until the wedding”.

Okay, fair point.

"Why are you so keen on seeing me happy?"

"I've told you; I can't bear the thought of him thinking he owns you”.

But-

"But what does that matter to you? You've been his right hand for so long, giving zero f*s about those you hypnotize to....I dunno, kill themselves or something, not caring if someone suffered at his or your hands, and then one day you just up and do a heel-face turn? All of a sudden, you're claiming you want to help me. Would you do the same for anyone else who was in my shoes, or is there something that makes me a special case?"

"Curious one, aren't you?"

"Just answer the question”.

Is giving me a reason to believe you so hard!?

"Well, to speak with perfect candor, Mystic, your persistence and hope ~~Komaeda Nagito has entered the chat.~~ has shifted my focus away from helping him marry you. He's been after you for nearly a year and a half, much longer than most of our targets, and each time, you've evaded or refused to give into him, and that's something I admire about you. You don't deserve to be miserable, and all I wish is to assure you get home safe and sound”.

…

She’d been working with him for a over a year to bring her in, like she’d said.

She’d also sounded genuinely sincere.

To know for sure, I’d have to look in her eyes-

Which was the worst idea ever, for obvious reasons.

How in the h* do I call this one?

…..I guess I have to go with my gut. 

"Okay, I'll accept your help. But we will be keeping a close watch on you. All things considered, it's only fair”.

She smiled, and it was kind?

"I can work with that”.

“-So where is Beetlejuice?" Lydia cut in impatiently.

She pursed her lips.

"That's the trouble. He's being kept somewhere I'm afraid the Cursed God might return to if we're not careful”.

"And where's that?"

Alice’s eyes narrowed with suspicion-

She gulped, surprisingly afraid.

"His groom chamber”.

*

Didn't it figure-

Not only _was_ it dark,but it was also filled with _water_.

Blue bounce balls like the one that had interrupted BJ's earlier escape floated in the air, and flickered with light-

Someone stood at the center of it all, blonde hair falling over their face.

Looking like an unmoving doll in a purple dress, those empty purple eyes seemed awfully...alive.....

Another blue bounce ball clasped in her hands.

What is this?

Shadows swam in all directions-

If he squinted, he could see-

-!

The Museum.

Different areas of it-

Each one had a blue tinge.

Someone's been spying-

Through blue rubber.

How did we fail to miss that-

That would explain why the CG was always ahead of them-!!

-One such window flickered.

-?

It was the room he'd just left.

A truncated party had just entered.

_'D*-I didn't know he was into all this Broadway/1920s s*'._

Tim the Wallet-Obsessed.

_'He may be a f*boy, But he does have decent taste. You know, when it's not all.....creepy and dark and s*'._

Gabbie the Bad Comedian-

_'There should also be a spell that can free Candy Pop from a distance in here'._

The Hypnotist.

...?

What on earth is she talking about?

-Then it hit him.

-Oh come on.

They think he's here?

....If he was, he would have _definitely_ been trying to pay him back for all the Hell he'd put him through.

......Do they still think I'm following along with them?

-Musical notes rang out.

Triplicate 'G's'-

He felt a shiver rush down his spine-

-!?

The 'doll's eyes had lit up, and her arms were down by her sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thursday!!


	58. Find Me In The Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The darkness hath rallied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Flashback mention, betrayal.

“Did...did you hear that?” Mystic asked fearfully.

"Y-yeah”, Alice said.

They exchanged nervous glances while Lilith took down BJ’s jar.

"Beetlejuice!" 

“-Lydia!"

He sounded half-out-of-it, but-

"Oh thank Katherine Hepburn, you're okay!"

**_Zap!_ **

-Some discordant piano noise, then those three notes…

Then _more._

-Lilith muttered something under her breath to counteract it…….

Mystic felt words form in her head.

Migrating straight to her mouth-

"Everyday, I imagine a future where I can be with you”.

The broken melody swelled louder.

Accompanied by an ominous shadow….

-It clicked for the both of them.

"In my hand/is a pen that will write a poem of me and you....."

**"H E L L O A G A I N , D A R L I N G”.**

**Monika-!?**

_Somebody gasped-_

_Touched her lightly on the shoulder._

"I'm so sorry, dear.

Sleep, Mystic.

*

“……Where are we?”

The light had faded, revealing to the two of them an empty city.

“Beats me”, Natsuki said.

Pink still rolled off of her hands and shoulders.

“At least it’s away from that clown”.

“………..Yeah”.

Monika looked out at the bright sunshine.

“……I haven’t seen that in a long time”.

Natsuki grimaced.

“Seriously? Holy crap-“

She shook her head.

“There’s no need to avoid it, now”.

“Yeah”.

What she’d just done still felt fresh in her mind.

But distant as well.

Like a dream-

“-Whoah, sorry!!”

The fuschia-haired girl helped up someone who’d been coming the opposite way.

“………………………….”

Monika felt an unfortunate sense of dèjá-vu at the dead look in her eyes.

“-Hey, are you-?”

Natsuki hadn’t missed it, either.

-She quickly shouldered by, and ran off.

“………..?”

“……I have a bad feeling…” Monika murmured……

(They just couldn’t see the Purple Joker whispering revengeful things into her ear).

_Everyday….I imagine a future where I can be with you…._

*

-Shadows abruptly **lurched** from beneath the doll’s feet.

Music shuddered through the vast….room…

Notes corrupted and jumbled together at once so that the tune _bled._

She whispered something into the ether he couldn’t catch, and all of a sudden, the image of everyone else became swallowed-

"You tricked us!"

What else was she supposed to think-!?

She’d just seen her best friend collapse before her very eyes!!

"No, I promise I didn’t!”

"You are not gucci!" Merlin angrily exclaimed-

Lilith waved her hand in a spiral, and a portal appeared.

No-!

"I'm going to take her somewhere safe-I’ll open a second portal for you all as soon as we're through this one. If I leave this open for too long, the ace will catch us!"

Ace!? What ace-

They vanished, and so did our last connection to them!!

Nononono way-!!!

Alice’s hands flickered with blue fire in fear-

Envy and Ivy both drew up vines in addition to their deadly weapons.

The Wizard’s wand glowed, Lydia and BJ went back-to-back, Ro and Andrea R. were on their guard-

The shadows swirled around our feet-

"Ew!" he yelped-

"It's cold-"

"Ooookay everyone, do NOT panic-" Andrea R. tried.

"That portal will show up soon", Ro wanted to reassure-

"My magic will spring us out of this pop stand!" Merlin said confidently.

-And then they struck.

*

-She could teleport.

He found that out the hard way when her hands clasped around his neck.

Tightly-

She may have been a head shorter, but she knew _exactly_ what she was doing.

His arms trembled, trying to grasp hers-

_I don't need to flashback **now-!**_

His chains struggled to pin her to the spot as the shadows flooded in.

_Darn....it.....!!_

His fingertips could _just_ brush the violet crystal hanging off her shoulder.

-She _shivered._

The shadows stuttered.

. . .

_Oh?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goin' writing today-


	59. So Fragile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the shadows marks the end of Something Else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Fantasy violence, blunt force trauma. Betrayal.

Kicking up black, slipperiness around them, Gabbie wrinkled her nose.

“I could make SO many jokes right now-“

“You think YOU could?”

BJ snorted.

“Please don’t-“ Envy interrupted-

Alice shot streak after streak of blue into the waves of shadow.

It didn’t do much to hold it back.

-!?

“-Did you guys see that?” Lydia cried out-

“Yeah, it stopped-“

Andrea R. wiped sweat from her hairline-

“Briefly-“

“But how?”

The fire girl couldn’t see a way to do it, here-

“We need to get to that suspicious black stain on the wall!” Gabbie determined.

“I can provide the lead-“ Merlin volunteered.

“We gotta be careful abou’ this”, Ivy warned.

“Yeah”.

Ro nodded her head-

“I know-“ Gabbie retorted-

They attempted to make some headway.

-Just in time for a second portal to appear as promised.

And whisk them all inside.

*

-Before he could take advantage of what he’d just discovered, a white, swirling typhoon splashed between them.

Sucking in every last shadow-!!

He lost sight of the doll-and himself too.

Now what!?

His back hit the floor, and for an instant, he saw stars.

…

The blue balls flickered, then fell to the ground, and shattered.

*

BANG!

BANG!!

The Resumed Before-Wedding Party exploded with miniature blue-rubber blasts-

BANG!!!

BANG!!!!

And it WASN’T just there.

…………….

As the Collector and the Cursed God evaded another round of lethal, reflective bolts, she nailed him with an angry glare.

………

He softly chuckled to himself.

-I’m in danger-!

*

.............A good _two hours later_ it was over.

....

But his headaches had only _just_ begun.

"You. Betrayed me".

-No, it wasn't a question.

She was _p*d-_

"I wouldn't call it _'betrayal'-"_

"You were _spying_ on me! On my exhibits-!!"

She shoved the tip of her staff under his chin.

He had the urge to swallow-

"How do I know that this wasn't some elaborate plot to cheat me out of my Headliner!??"

"-Oh come on!"

It came out raspy-

"I was using it to see how I could get her to trust me more-"

"So you could run off with her earlier without a trace".

She scoffed.

"No-"

"You don't think I _don't_ know you!??"

Her eyes flashed.

She slammed the butt of her staff upon the floor, and he was promptly thrown across the room!!

SLAM!!!!

"Ergh..."

He winced, and opened one blurred eye.

"I ought to keep _you_ here", she threatened.

Bearing on him menacingly-

"As my exhibit- ** _forever"._**

Evil magic crackled-

He raised a hand to defend.

Gold versus green.

An even match-

"-Boss!?"

Kerrie scrambled in, bits of blue shards protruding from her hair, _and_ her shoulders.

"What happened-"

They both had a hiccup in concentration-

His hit her first.

THUD.

The impact mark grew hairline fractures for days.

"Yes!!"

-He fist-pumped.

"Nice one!" Kerrie cheered-

Hers had carved out a section of the ceiling holding up a skeletal pterosaur.

SNAP-

The Cursed God looked up-

Only to be crushed into the ground!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Separated again-


	60. Heartbreaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone tries the most unlikely plan alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Death, blood implied. Fantasy violence.

…..What just happened.

The shadowy space had slipped away, leaving him sprawled in what he assumed was the center of the Collector’s precious Museum:

……..

A Lounge.

There was a Demonic-looking box shut up in the gap of what had used to be a Vault.

Blocked off by a crackling field of magic-

**_CRASHH-!!_ **

The floor shook.

What now-!?

He had to really push…………..to hands and………………….knees-

Something…has to be done about this.

He couldn’t let History repeat-

_Wouldn’t_ let it.

But…how...

…..

Well…………….

He _did_ have _one_ idea.

…………

“BOSS!???”

Kerrie’s eyes almost popped out of her skull!

“Boss-“

Cursed energy thrummed beneath the skeleton creature’s ribs.

**BOOM**

It disintegrated in a sickly-green blast.

The CG pulled himself to his feet-

The Collector had regained her own ground as well.

“Need your _clown_ to fight me?” she taunted.

“In your dreams!” he huffed.

They clashed, and they clashed-

Recoil sparks took chunks out of the ceiling, the floor-

Dinosaur bones toppled, and cracked.

“ENOUGH!!!!”

She threw up a golden hand, and he froze-

“Let’s take this outside”.

“What? Can’t handle the destruction?”

“It’s MY Museum”, she asserted.

…

KNOCK

KNOCK

KNOCK-

Three pairs of eyes turned at the second, unannounced interruption.

“What is it now!?” the CG raged-

“It’s YOU!!” Kerrie gasped-

The Collector held no trace of recognition upon her features.

“Who?”

“-This Joker tried to break out BJ a while ago, and got pwned”.

You look more like the Joker than _I_ do.

-He didn’t say that, though.

No time.

“-If you’re busy that’s fine-“

“Cut the bull, what’s the issue?”

The CG rolled his eyes.

“-Wait, where’s Lilith-“

“She’s gone. Because your love is dead”.

. . . . . . . .

They stared.

"No she's not", the Cursed God scoffed.

"Last I saw her, she was well and alive in her castle", the Collector agreed.

Kerrie:

"Yup-"

(Pointed glare from the CG).

"Yeah, she's _totally_ still there".

"....Don't believe me? Look for yourself".

He raised an eyebrow.

The three of them consulted via doubtful glances.

"........You _do_ care whether she lives or dies?"

"Of course we do!!" Kerrie snapped-

"Let's get this over with".

The Collector stepped forward.

"I think you're full of it..." the CG grumbled.

"Better to be safe than sorry".

*

They processed the blood-spattered floor of the Groom's Room, and immediately panicked.

"Wh-how-what-!!??"

The Cursed God had lost the ability to form a coherent thought.

"-This shall not go unpunished!!" the Collector promised.

"Oh my God, is that _your_ blood-?" Kerrie accused.

"Of course not".

The one who'd brought them there gave her a matter-of-fact look.

"You ate all my knives".

She frowned.

"You only had _one_ knife-"

"KERRIE!!" the CG thundered.

_"Focus!!"_

She held her palms up in surrender-

"'Kay, okay!"

Coughed.

"So, how do we figure out who did this?"

"-Can your magic rewind time?" the Cursed God wondered-

_Sweats._

"I can open _portals_ to different times".

"To the exact minute?"

_He sweats-_

"-Yes, why do you ask?"

Her eyes narrowed-

"I see-I suppose you'd-but never mind".

"What are you implying?"

"I'm merely implying you'd have a hard time hitting it on the nose exactly considering how fast her friends transported her away-"

The CG growled.

"There must be a way to catch them before they can-"

"Were you even there", Kerrie groused.

"Yes, I was".

"Yeah, right-"

"Do I lie, no".

........

Their staring contest was broken by the sound of a frustrated Cursed God.

"-D*t, if we don't try, we'll _lose_ her-!!"

"Quite right".

She lifted her staff.

"-What time was this?"

He thought.

"Try....about thirty minutes ago".

She did.

The smell of fresh blood wafted through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TuT


	61. Calculated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The darker side shows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Implied self-harm, death. Grief, and fantasy violence.

Ah….yes.

The scent was enough to make his arm ache in sympathy.

“No……”

The CG desperately burst through-

“How can this be-!?? You said-“

“…..I know I’m not mistaken-“

A lucky thing he was wearing **black.**

“Are you sure?”

The Collector’s tone was tightly controlled.

“I’m positive-how do you miss something like that?”

“Beats me…..”

Kerrie peeked her head in.

“-I still think some’n’s a little weird”.

“-This coming from you”.

“Hush, Green-“

How creative.

The CG stormed back into his own time.

“A half a second earlier”.

“-Don’t demand-!” the Collector chided-

“But fine”.

…….

The fresh smell of blood.

No one in the room.

“…..If we have to rewind all the way to-!!”

“I can arrange that”, she said.

“You _do_ realize it’s a hit or a-“

“We get it”, Kerrie snapped.

“We MUST save her!!!” CG vehemently insisted.

“……………..”

…..He surreptitiously adjusted his chains.

“You hear-!?”

Kerrie turned her head-

“-Out of curiosity, will you go through with the wedding if you find her in such a state?”

The CG looked at him as if he were dumb.

“The idea will be to save her _before_ that becomes a concern”.

“Still, I highly doubt she’s going to want to do anything so serious after a scare like that-“

“……..You _do_ have a point”, the Collector conceded.

The clown squinted.

“Hmm…….”

She closed the portal.

Moved to open another one-

He jogged her shoulder.

The portal smacked into the two standing in front-

The CG gasped, violet eyes warping………..

Kerrie yelled obscene language as she distorted into a white-and-purple blob.

“-!??”

The Collector glanced behind her-

“….What’s happening?” he asked.

“……….I do not know”.

Finally-

It opened, sizzling with an eldritch emerald light.

Glittering clown visages floated by every so often-

She stuck her hand through, and shivered at the corruption!

-

It was closed.

".....You are an enigma".

"I don't think I have anything to do with rescuing anyone......."

"You did that on purpose-"

"If you thought I was going to, why didn't you stop me?"

-!

She parted her lips.

".........You'd think I'd _purposefully_ let them go?"

"Why not? You dislike them enough".

-She couldn't argue with _that,_ either.

"It's a fair assumption", she finally admitted, "But what do _you_ get out of it?"

"Me?"

He laughed slightly.

"For all you know, I'm only doing any of 'this' because I'm bored".

"I don't think so".

"Well?"

He nodded to the red-splattered scene.

"Are you going to continue?"

Her eyes regarded him with a wariness he'd been expecting.

-She reached out and grabbed his arm.

Pain flickered up it, and he held in a grimace-

"I think you'll find I'm a lot harder to dupe than the Cursed God and his fool Harlequin".

-Having had a couple hours of rest before, he swung some chains around her staff.

"-!?"

She fired at him point-blank.

..........

Crackling.

WHOOSH.

-

-That is some strong recoil.

.....He'd never seen anyone blaze in lavender before.

...

Stepping around her, he prepared to lift her up.

-A claw-like grip snatched his ankle.

Barely-concealed hate-

He stomped on her wrist.

*

"You can send all of your 'guests' home now".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got dark real fast.


	62. Calmer Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, at Lilith's house-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Eating.

Lilith brewed a pot of tea after the oven dinged.

Brought it upstairs….

Poor girl……

As each attempt to capture her had fallen into a bust, her heart had gradually been won over.

She has so much spirit….

It just _hurt_ to think of how hard her world was trying to crush it.

-Not this one of Fiction, mind you...

………….She set down a square of heat-resistant fabric, and placed the pot upon it.

Sat back, and-

*

Mystic’s eyelids fluttered……

Huh….

Snatches of red between the dark and the light.

Where….am I….?

They fluttered open all the way.

“H-huh-!??”

“-Mystic, it’s only me”.

Lilith soothed…..

“You’re in my house…and you’re safe….and I made it so the Ace cannot find us”.

“The…what!?”

The Ace”.

She sighed.

“I should have realized the second I saw that shadow: he’d brought his Spy over with him”.

“The Traitor-!??”

“No”.

She shook her head.

“I wish it was….then we’d know how to stop them”.

“But-“

The Writer tried to sit up.

“How is the Ace different from everyone else we’ve ever faced?”

“We don’t know who they are, or even where they came from”.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“He wanted to keep it on the down low”.

“But….why?”

“They aren’t called the ‘Ace’ for no reason-“

-China clinked.

“Huh-“

“……I brought you some tea”.

“You didn’t have to-“

“It’s peppermint”.

“…”

......She ended up taking a cup.

"Where are my friends?"

"I sent them a ways away from here in case they were followed".

"How long will it take them to get here-"

"I don't know".

Mystic frowned.

"Look, I know you helped us out of danger and all, but what if someone or something tries to go after them?"

"They have Merlin, weapons, and various plants on their side.

They'll do fine".

"What about everyone left behind at the Museum-"

"I can try to get a read on them later-"

"Why not now?"

Lilith smiled.

"Because you just woke up, and I wanted to see how you were".

".....Okay, but-"

"It means a lot that you trust me".

"....I almost didn't".

"But you do now".

"......"

..........I mean, what am I supposed to say?

This situation is weird as f*?

"I also made some cookies".

"What kind-"

"Chocolate chip. In chocolate sauce".

-Her mouth watered.

".....May I please have some?"

It tasted like Heaven, and she savored the first bite.

"Wow".

"Do you like it?"

"Like it?"

She took a second bite.

"What's your secret, have you been watching Ro's baking show-"

"Hm?"

"Nerdy Nummies", Mystic explained, "Do you watch it?"

"......Ro has a baking show?"

"You've got to watch it".

".........Maybe I will".

They spent a few more moments like that....

"So now what?"

"I can show you around-"

"You're not gonna make me sleep more?"

"You're not injured, or sick".

"...."

That was a first.

"Okay, but-this is getting some taking used to-"

"It's quite alright".

*

Little did she know that Lilith understood.

_Everything._

By going through her digital footprint while she slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From chaos to peace *Knocks on wood*.


	63. Pass It On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In tandem, they're trying to make this work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing I can think of at the moment. Except some minor phys. violence. And fire-starting.

“Why…in the _world…”_ she rasped-

“Would I do **_anything…_** to help you-!!”

“You don’t exactly have a choice”.

He examined the staff in his chains.

“-Even if only you know how to use it, I’m sure I can figure it out myself if I have to”.

“You’ll bring this Museum down on all their heads!”

“Not if I start right here”.

He grinned.

She snarled.

“…..You will pay for this”.

“…..”

He ignored her, instead pointing the weapon out-

I’m not picky….

Just dimension-drop whomever walks through to wherever they want to be.

Does it work by following intention?

-It seemed to when they’d freed Beetlejuice.

She didn’t recite any spells when she was busy attempting to wipe the floor with us the moment we both arrived.

Nor did she do that for the time portals-

………………….

Her **veins.**

A slight glow was beginning to run through them…

-He promptly let go and moved away.

That can’t be good-

She groaned, popping joints back into place…rolling her shoulders back…….

Her smile was downright **evil.**

-She self-heals.

He quickly reverse-pedaled out of there, in the direction of Pre-Wedding cheers-

Her laughter **echoed.**

*

Jesse was downing another cup of punch when someone applied pressure to an Egyptian guard's collar and they toppled loudly to the floor.

Someone thunked the other one over the skull-

“J*s, man-“

“Hi, yes, please get all of your friends out to the yard, and do it fast-“

“What did you do-“

“I committed…too much”.

He rubbed a hand to his temple.

“Now go-she’ll be marching in here any second”.

“I can distract the guards-“

“No, I will”.

The Outlaw ducked as a sudden blaze of energy set the gift table on ** _fire._**

He stared, gobsmacked.

“Dude, who are you!?”

“-Why does everyone always pick the worst times to ask that!?”

“Okay, geez-“

“Go!”

-He went.

“Hey, man-“

“What-?”

Manny turned, flirting interrupted.

“The yard. Soon. I think we’re getting out of this joint, pass it on”.

“-What-“

He went on to the next one:

“Tana-“

“Hey Jesse! Raise a glass-“

“Not now. The yard-“

“They’re gonna move the party again!?”

“-Something like that. Pass it on-“

“Okay, Je-“

But he was already gone.

“Why are you sneaking around like a ninja?”

“Saf, we have to go to the yard”.

She blinked at him.

“Okay?”

“Just trust me-“

“I smell an escape plan”.

“It is-“

“I’m on it”.

She spun, and got MatPat’s attention.

Phew.

He continued onward.

“Justine!”

“Jesse?”

She was balancing a tiny plate hors d’oeuvre-

“Yard. Soon. Important-“

“Do you know if Mystic and the others are okay!?”

“No, I don’t, but I can ask-“

“Please!”

Worry was deep in her eyes.

“I will”.

He nodded-

“Pass it on”.

*

He set another fire in the hallway behind the guards, and then made the lights flicker.

"-What's happening!??" the Swan lady panicked-

"I don't know-" her Goose-masked partner gasped.

"Electrical failure?"

They looked disbelievingly at the Gray Duck.

"What? It could be-"

...

He set one in the middle of the dance floor.

People screamed, hurried to get clear-

No one dead yet-

-Really wasn't his style of murder like that.

He briefly looked behind him.

Only a matter of seconds-

I could _try_ to incapacitate her again-

But she would be expecting it now.

....Better than doing nothing.

He switched his attention to the fray.

People were spilling out exits, while other Egyptian guards did damage control.

Another couple minutes and I will follow-

And _finally_ disaster would be averted.

(Ha, he wished, but one could _still_ hope).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're doing their best...


	64. Lilith's Mistake Au 'Casablanca'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Because even whip-smart Hypnotists can fail a spot-check sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Lightning, peril, anxiety. Aggressive flirting/invasion of personal space.

Something suddenly occurred to Lilith, and she **_blanched._**

“-Huh?”

“-Er, excuse me-“

She closed her eyes and snapped her fingers.

“….What did you just do?”

“Apparently, I missed teleporting out everyone but you and your friends....before”.

Mystic’s eyes widened-

“Not to worry. I remedied that just now”.

“But-“

“They should be with them….wherever they are-“

“I’m still worried”.

“I know”.

*

-He hadn’t _actually_ meant that hope thought seriously.

So when the white vortex suddenly started to pick people off like a temporal sniper, he was highly tempted to guffaw out loud.

Just remembered, did you?

He heard footsteps...

White swallowed him as well.

-

-The staff clanked off the dirt road, and blew lightning into the sky.

“Everyone avoid the stabbing rods of Death!!” Liza shrieked-

The Guests haphazardly flattened themselves to the ground.

“Be careful with that!!!” the Sorceress yelled at him-

He reeled it in, smiling broadly.

How is _that_ for dramatic irony?

“Where are we?”

The lady with the tattooed arm-

Calliope, risked a look up.

“I’m not sure…..”

Alison scanned the empty street...

“Hey, at least we’re free of Purgatory”, Shane said.

“Though maybe I should’ve stayed-“

“No”, Colleen politely shot down.

“So what now?” Justine asked.

“Yeah, we’re safe, but we’re not all here-“

Oli cleared away the dust clouds with a wave of his hand, squinting to see-

“As far as we know, they’re still stuck with the CG and F*in Cursed Friends”.

Nikita scrambled to her feet.

“We don’t even know how we got to wherever-this-is, nor how to get back-“

Lauren’s voice cracked with fear.

“Lilith sent everyone who isn’t a part of the group to safety earlier on, and then forgot about us until now”.

Eyes on _him._

“-As soon as we find them, I can collectively send you home~”

“-How did you get that?” Colleen pointed with a terrified finger.

“I was hanging onto it at the time”.

“How awfully lucky of you”, GloZell commented.

“It wasn’t entirely luck”.

Gabbie scoffed.

…..But there were other things that had to be done-

“If they landed in the same place as we did-which it’s highly likely that they did if Lilith’s meticulous planning has not changed-“

“Um, sir?”

“Then they are _also_ likely a good few hours and perhaps twenty-thirty minutes ahead of us, which also means-“

“Sir-!!”

“They are- _right there!”_

He pointed to a rickety-old inn at the end of a loooooooooooong road.

_Then_ he turned.

“-What”.

Bretman face-palmed-

“B*, pay attention! You sound sus as f*!!!”

“Yeah, we don’t know anything about you, so-“

Manny shrugged apologetically.

But (also) not.

“-You can ask questions now, or we can go up there and get everyone together, and THEN we’ll talk”.

“Don’t speak to me like I’m two-“

“If I was, you would know”.

"'Kay, you wanna fight-"

"If I feel like it. Which I don't".

He beckoned them to follow while the younger man fumed.

"You might also get naps".

"Naps!??"

Liza shot off the flat plain like a rocket.

"Yesssssssss-"

Matt H. stared.

"....Is no one else concerned about this?"

Lele scoffed.

"You're _always_ concerned.

About _everything_ ".

Andrea B. was the epitome of the _this is fine meme_.

"You two are gonna start that again, are you-"

"Oh no-" Eva moaned-

"Matt, don't provoke her!!"

_"I'm_ the one who's provoking-!??"

"Let's just get this over with".

DeStorm re-adjusted his hat, and strode off.

"Hey-hey wait-!!"

Tana ran to keep pace-

"Girl, don't leave me behind!" Gabbie yelled.

Alex just smiled long-sufferingly and shook his head.

Tim:

"Has anyone seen my Wallet-?"

"You mean _my_ wallet", Shane corrected.

"Here we go, on a great adventure-" Saf half-snarked-half-sang-

"Let's just not die here while we're at it", MatPat clarified.

Sierra giggled nervously, upon overhearing-

What dysfunctional Guests they are, he thought with no small amount of amusement, listening to the disorganized chatter--

I think somehow we'll last ten minutes....

*

He opened the door, and there was **_immediately_** a mass-panic.

"Sorcerer-!!!"

"Poser", the Sorcer _ess_ mumbled under her breath, and shouldered him out of the way.

"We'd like rooms".

...

The man at the desk gaped while a thousand eyes ran all over her.

"Please and thank you".

Swaggering over with the energy of someone who _clearly_ (not) owned the establishment-

(Lele made a 'hot' fanning gesture-)

She ran a finger up and down his chin.......

"Woooo!! Look at her go, wifin' him up-" Tana cheered-

"Oh my God!!" Eva exclaimed, scandalized.

"....I'm afraid that's-that's-"

The man was struggling to think straight as she demolished him with her smolder.

"Er...how many are in your reservation....exactly......?"

Alex grinned away the pain.

"Doesn't matter..." she purred into his ear, "Just give us all the _keys_ , we'll figure it out-"

"That's so spicy!!" Justine cried-

Jangling noises as he hesitantly coughed them up.

"You go, man!!" Tim cheered-

"I.....think this is against........!"

(Nikita snorted).

She breathed on his neck.

Matt H. pointedly looked elsewhere-

"Protocol-!!"

Lele dissolved into giggles on the floor.

......His face turned beat-red-

("Sorry...sorry...." Shane told the residents who were there previous-Dynamic-Entry-)

He sank behind the desk, steam visibly blowing from his ear drums-

"-Thank you!!"

Liza grabbed hers, and vanished.

Then Andrea B. pulled one from the pile-

The Sorceress leered in Triumph.

Tana laughed in 'I am SO impressed right now-'

DeStorm rolled his eyes.

Oli was bright-red himself, _mortified-_

MatPat grimaced.

"Every dating sim, ever-"

"Yikes".

Safiya took hers.

Lauren tried her best _not_ to look at the crumpled body in Dreamland-

Nikita smirked.

Manny stopped to write a note on the pad-

'Please call me-'

Bretman saw it, and whispered, 'You sly-!!'

Alison gave no reaction at all.

Calliope _could've_ given one, but thought better of it.

Gabbie winked and pointed-

GloZell: 

_'Hit me with your best shot~'_

Colleen harmonized:

_'Fire awayyyy~!!!'_

(Cue the glare-)

"Girl I don't share my stage-"

Jesse snickered on his way up the stairs.

Sierra pretended she never saw a thing.

As the last one in, their Demonic....ally? neatly shut the door.

"Nothing to see here", he reassured the OG Guests.

"Nothing to see here at all......."

-He hurriedly hurried up the stairs, key swinging from a chain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oy. We got a mess up in this house-


	65. Rooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's settling in for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Language, maybe?

“-Okay, who’s rooming with who?”

Colleen piped up over the ensuing chatter-

“This one is all mine”.

The Sorceress shut a door in their face.

“-Okay then, b*-“ Bretman mumbled after a moment of silence-

“I’m with Manny-“ Nikita spoke up.

“Yes, b*-!” the Record Producer cheered.

“And me too-“ the Playboy was quick to add himself in-

“I’ll be with Mat”, Safiya shrugged.

“Cool”.

“I’m with Sierra-“

“Actually, I’ll be with Justine”.

The Heiress giggled knowingly.

“What?” Eva asked, smiling.

“Have fun”, Justine mouthed.

They rabbited into the first door on the left before she could stop them.

“.....Oli, you want to be with me?”

The Big Game Hunter blushed a _deep_ red.

“I’d love to-“

Tim smiled wide.

“You want to room with me, old friend?”

“.....Ehhh, I dunno.....”

DeStorm shook his head-

“Okay......”

“-I’ll room with you”, Shane offered.

“No way!!”

Tim held his Wallet close.

“I’m rooming with Lauren!” Lele announced loudly.

“Wh-me!?”

“Yes”.

“I’ll be with you, Tim”, Matt H. said.

“Hey, cool bro!”

“Guess that leaves me with you huh?”

Alex grinned.

“Sure thing”, his Nemesis replied.

Colleen rolled her eyes-

“I’m rooming with me-hee~!!” GloZell sang.

“Okay”.

Andrea B.’s smile was thin.

“You need a roommate?”

“Yeah-“  
“Yes! Let’s be roomies-“

The Duchess’s ear-to-ear beam of happy swept her away.

“Hey Liza, want to room with me?”

“Heck yes!!”

The Explorer fist-pumped.

Then she and Tana shared a high-five.

“-I want to be a part of this too”, Gabbie insisted-

“Yes, join us-“ Liza intoned ominously.

“Come over Party Girl!” Tana woohooed.

“Shane? You need a partner?” Jesse cut in.

“Why not?”

The Renegade acquiesced.

“Calliope and I will be together-“ Alison capped off-

“Wait, where are you staying?”

Alex wondered of the Demon with the Staff-

“Wherever”.

He didn’t seem too bothered.

“Okay”.

“Suit yourself”, DeStorm said.

Everyone proceeded to disappear into their chosen bedrooms.

........

As soon as the last door had locked, he stopped at the first one he _hadn’t_ seen become occupied.

Knock-knock-

“......Yeah?”

Andrea R. peered out, sleepily.

“What-“

“Just checking”.

-He moved on to the next room, while she stared after him, perplexed.

*

“What”.

Lydia glared.

“....Is BJ there?”

“No-he went off to get drunk”.

She regarded him suspiciously.

“Why do you want to know?”

“As long as he doesn’t land himself in any more trouble, we’re done here”.

*

“-That commotion your doin’?”

Ivy leaned in the doorway, sharpening her cutlass on the inn’s letter opener.

“The gang’s almost all here, or at least, it would appear that way”.

“What’s your game-“

But he’d already moved on.

“Hey!”

*

Ro opened her door:

“Hi?”

“Hello”.

He left.

“....Have a nice day!”

*

-The eye at the peephole looked blue.

“Hi...”

“Hello. Is the Plant Man in-“

This door was barely open a sliver.

As it should be.

“He’s sleeping....”

“Ah”.

*

“-We are not Gucchi”.

Merlin inspected the Staff with a wary touch-

“How did you get that when _I_ couldn’t!?”

“I put one over on them”.

“You _lied!?”_

“Shush. You think I wanted to do it!?”

He moved on, but that was the last door.

*

Ivy's expression said plainly that _she_ thought he wasn't making any sense.

"What are yeh tryin' teh do!?"

"-In case you didn't notice, we have a way to leave this all behind".

The staff-

"Just as soon as we catch up to Lilith-"

"Everyone's tired now!"

"I _know"._

I'm not stupid-

"That's tomorrow's task".

Her expression didn't change.

"Yeh fink yeh can pull the rug out from under love like tha' an' make 'er go 'ome?"

"How would you have any idea what she wants?"

"I jus' got a feelin'".

"Then you two can stick around and have as many voyages as you would like".

"The Cursed God an' the Collector are still around-"

"They aren't".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday!


	66. Portents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the perils of the day wind down....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Disappearance, thievery. Planned murder.

-Now _that_ she hadn’t seen coming.

“Wha’ d’yeh mean-!?”

“I mean, they are no longer a _problem_ ”.

His eyes narrowed.

“One would think you’d be happy about that”.

*

......................

Lilith and Mystic living in a house on a sea-cliff.

Natsuki and Monika struggling with the secret of pink lightning, and the husk of another.

Yoshino scrambling to escape Sally the Wayward Clown-

Perhaps another wandering Demon on a collision course with those holed up in the Inn?

Hidden feelings, having been said by now, yet not....

“Hello”.

And an Ace.

“My name’s Cherry”.

Dropped off into a puddle of inky water.

“Are you lost?”

...

......So much information filtering into her mind per second, and _none_ of it had prepared the doll for this.

“.......?”

The other girl held out her hand.

“It’s okay”.

The Ace stared at it.

“Hehe....”

She looked up, confused.

“Huh-oh sorry!”

Cherry backpedaled-

“You just reminded me of someone-“

She still stared at the hand.

“.................The only thing I bite is cherries, don’t worry!”

........Cherries?

“....................I haven’t eaten any in a while, though-”

The Ace stood by herself.

“-Hey! Cool-

You did it!”

She clapped her hands together.

“This is great!!

Are you gonna stay-

Oh....but wait....”

Cherry leaned in to look........

“..................?”

“Huh. -It’s really nothing”, she said by way of explanation-

“But you look kinda like this lady on the ‘MISSING’ poster-“

She swung off her backpack, unzipped it, and pulled out the paper she’d been thinking of:

A woman’s face with caramel hair, blue eyes, and blue dress tie-dyed in a similar way.

“-You know it’s weird how it’s the only one in town, but I _did_ kinda snag it off this lady who was dressed like a witch on Halloween, so-“

........She’s motormouthed.

“-Oops. TMI-“

Cherry quickly flapped her hands-

“Ummm, forget you heard that okay? Oof, I’m gonna get myself in trouble again-“

.......Witch?

-She spun, and waved at the exit.

"It's really late-you wanna come with me?

Ma's Diner's always open-"

.........She got a blank stare.

"Ooookay then!

See you there.....or not, or whatever you feel like!"

She flashed thumbs-ups, and walked backwards away.

"Bye-bye!!"

....

The Ace caught the shadow of a cat disappearing up the road.

*

"So that's who has my poster...."

She rubbed the white feline's fur as a reward.

"Thank you dearest......"

Turning back to her cauldron, Circe Jones smiled sweetly at her own reflection.

"Now I know who to silence".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The First Half is fin.

**Author's Note:**

> Started as a One-shot, became this. What have I done?


End file.
